From: belldandy@angelic.com
Subject: [Ranma][Fanfic] Monkey Head Butting part 1
Monkey Head Butting!
m a davis/miko belldandy@angelic.com
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Characters are copyright Takahashi Rumiko, no infringement
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Monkey Head Butting
PART ONE
"Oh! What's this?"
Kasumi set her laundry basket down on the grass and picked
up the strange object lying at the edge of the stone path. She
turned it over. It was a brooch of some sort, of a dull gray metal,
perhaps pewter. It was covered in dirt, but from what she could
see of it, the front depicted a rather amusing little monkey's face.
"How cute!" she exclaimed. "I wonder who's it is, and how it
got here? I'll have to wash it off and see if I can't find out who it
belongs to."
Slipping the brooch into her apron pocket, she picked up the
laundry and continued on her way, humming to herself.
***
"Ranma, hurry up! We're going to be late!"
Akane Tendo's voice carried up the stairwell. Ranma
Saotome shoved his legs into loose pants of black silk and fumbled
with the drawstring. *Damn her! Would it hurt her to wake me
earlier?* he thought furiously. *It's not like I can help being a
heavy sleeper! If she had to deal with pop's snoring, she'd be one
too!*
Ranma grabbed his shoes and book bag and ducked into the
hallway, legs pumping. He tugged his top into place as he nearly
flew down the stairs. At the last second, he saw Kasumi come
around the corner, a bundle of neatly folded clothes in hand.
"Look out!" Ranma yelled, too late. He saw her face coming
at him, he felt a sharp crack against his head like a blow from
Akane's mallet, and then there was darkness.
***
Kasumi opened her eyes. Akane towerered over her like
sumo wrestler Akebono over a fallen opponent. Akane's face was
flushed with anger, and Kasumi's head was pounding.
"You idiot!" Akane yelled. "How many times do you have to
be told to be careful coming down those stairs? My sister could
have been killed!"
"I'm all right," Kasumi said woozily, placing a hand to her
forehead. There was going to be a knot there, she could tell. "It
was just an accident, Akane. It's okay, really."
In the background father cried in anguish, carrying on as if
she were mortally injured. "Kasumi! My daughter! Poor Kasumi!
Speak to your father!"
"I'm all right, father," Kasumi said. Her voice did seem a
little odd....
"Let's put her on the couch," she heard Genma say. "Don't
worry, Soun. She'll be all right in a minute or two."
"I'm all right, really..." she said again.
"Baka! You won't be if my father gets a hold of you," Akane
said. She grabbed Kasumi's wrist and hauled her up to her feet.
*Oh, she's so strong!* Kasumi thought, as Akane dragged her
through the house.
"What's wrong with you? We don't have time for this!
Honestly, you're so dense sometimes! If we don't hurry, we're
going to be late! Now, come on, Ranma!"
"Akane?" Kasumi asked, confused.
"Don't worry, I've got your books and your lunch. Hurry up!
We don't have all day you know!"
"Akane, wait!"
"Baka!" Akane shouted, and then she lunged out the door,
yanking Kasumi off her feet, and flew through the front gate.
***
Ranma woke to the sound of cicadas and a gentle spring
breeze blowing in from the yard. He heard the tinkle of the chimes
and the splash of a koi in the pond. Slowly he opened his eyes.
He was lying in the living room, a towel on his forehead.
There was a futon under him, and a blanket pulled up over him.
Soun Tendo knelt beside him, holding his hand.
"Thank the heavens you're awake!" Soun said. "Are you all
right? How do you feel?"
"Mr. Tendo?" Ranma asked.
Soun's face fell as tears came to his eyes. "Wah! My own
daughter doesn't remember me! Kasumi!" Ranma watched as the
strange man got up and staggered about the room, wailing. Now
what?
He remembered getting dressed, and running down the
stairs... *Oh no! Is Kasumi all right? I hope I didn't kill her or
nothing!*
Ranma's father ate breakfast at the table nearby. Ranma sat
up. "Pop?" Ranma asked. "What's up with Mr. Tendo? Is Kasumi
okay?"
Slowly, his father stopped eating. His rice bowl hit the table
with a clink.
"Ranma?"
"Yeah?" Ranma put his had to his head. "Oh man, my head
hurts."
"Ranma? Is that really you, boy?"
"Of course it's me! Who the hell do you think it is?" Ranma
pulled the blanket back, then looked down. He froze, and his eyes
went wide.
"Pop? I'll probably regret asking this, but... why am I wearing
a dress?"
***
Buildings and fences flashed by in a blur. Telephone poles
and traffic signs appeared out of nowhere, then disappeared into
the distance. As if she were on a carnival ride, Kasumi spun and
twisted about, never actually colliding with any of the numerous
objects that momentarily leapt out at her. "Oh, my!" she
exclaimed, flinching. "Oh my! Oh!..."
People stared as she flew past, and she was unable to do so
much as greet them in her usual friendly manner. There, hadn't
that blur been Mrs. Ishigawa, on her way to open up her store?
And surely that blur was Mr. Ito, out for his morning jog. She'd
been meaning to ask him if his poor dog had recovered after that
trip to the vet... but she sped on, like a bullet train that could not
stop or deviate from it's course.
Her feet never touched the ground. That was a good thing,
because Kasumi didn't have shoes on. She knew that Akane was
strong, but to carry Ranma like this... it really amazed her. Ranma
was powerfully built; Kasumi would have trouble lifting the boy,
let alone carrying him anywhere. But Akane flew along like it was
nothing. And really, Kasumi reflected, it was actually kind of fun.
This might be her only chance to experience it, since nobody in the
household would ever dare drag Kasumi along behind them like
this. Father would kill them if they so much as tried.
She was in Ranma's body, that much was self evident.
Oblivious Kasumi might be, but blind she was not. She had no
idea how or why, but she accepted it as one of the many weird
occurrences in her life. Usually they happened to the others
around her, but she was bound to get raked by the claws of fate
once in a while. It came with being a martial artist, and while
Kasumi had put her martial arts training behind her years ago, she
was still surrounded by martial artists. She lived in a dojo, and
was well aware of the weirdness that came with the territory (and
if she wasn't, then there was always Mrs. Ishigawa and Mrs. Chino
and others to remind her... constantly.)
Yes, Kasumi was the daughter of a martial artist. She'd seen
weirdness before, and was prepared to deal with it. Father, and
Ranma, and the rest would fix everything eventually. They always
did. In the mean time, she would just have to suffer the
inconvenience.
Her biggest concern was that she was being dragged to
school, when there was so much to be done at home. Who was
going to do the laundry? Who was going to make the beds, and
dust, and vacuum? She hadn't even decided yet what they'd be
having for dinner, or planned her trip to the market. And poor
Ranma! What a horrible shock this must be for him!
As for being a boy, well... Kasumi wasn't sure how she felt
about that. What did it entail, exactly? She wasn't sure she wanted
to find out. And Ranma, of all people... if she were going to be a
man, then why not father? Now she was engaged to her own sister,
and then there were all those other girls to think about!
An old woman flashed by, tossing water onto the ground.
Kasumi felt a cold splash on her face and side, soaking into her
sleeve and the front of her shirt. There was a strange tingling all
over, but especially centered in the chest and groin. It lasted for
just a few seconds, then it was over.
Well, Kasumi thought, there's one thing I won't have to worry
about immediately...
***
Ranma was a girl. That was nothing new, of course; although
born male, she was often a girl. This time, however, it was
different. Not only was she not just a female version of her male
self, she was, in fact, someone else entirely. She was Kasumi
Tendo, the oldest of the three Tendo sisters. At least, she was in
Kasumi's body.
She had a hard time wrapping her mind around the concept.
Kasumi was nearly like a mother to her. She cooked, cleaned, and
cared for the entire household, and never once complained about
it. She seemed to enjoy it, in fact. She was sweet and innocent, a
thousand times less devious than her sister Nabiki and a thousand
times more feminine than her sister Akane. She was the last
person Ranma would want this sort of thing to happen to, and the
last person Ranma could imagine herself becoming.
One thing was certain. A kettle of hot water wasn't going to
get her out of this one. But on the bright side, she was apparently
going to completely avoid that big economics test that she'd been
dreading.
She looked up at her father and Mr. Tendo. They were, she
supposed, both her father at the moment. Genma was her actual
father -- the one who had raised her, at least as far as her mind was
concerned. But at the moment, Soun was her physical father.
Strange.
Her head still hurt.
"What have you done to my poor Kasumi?!?" Mr. Tendo
wailed.
"I didn't do nothin'!" Ranma exclaimed, holding her head.
Even to her, the phrase sounded weird, coming as it did in
Kasumi's voice. "I mean... I really don't really know, Mr. Tendo,"
she said. "All I did was bump heads with her..."
"Kasumi!!! My Kasumi!!!!"
*Great,* Ranma thought to herself. Mr. Tendo had
completely lost it.
Genma Saotome nodded gravely. "Of course! It all makes
sense now!"
Ranma glanced up. "You got something to say, pop?"
"It's an ancient martial-arts technique," he said, "spoken of
only in legend, and passed down from master to student since the
dawn of China's first dynasty. It allows for the transmigration of
souls from one body to another... the secret "Monkey Head-
Butting" technique, a devastating attack for which there is no
counter defense." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I can't tell
you how many times I've seen that used to neutralize an enemy..."
With practiced ease, Ranma careened a rice bowl off of her
father's head. "Give me a break!" she yelled, and that, too,
sounded strange in Kasumi's voice. "What kind of a stupid martial
arts technique allows you to switch bodies with your enemy?"
"Only the most deadly technique ever developed," Genma
said darkly, rubbing his head. "True, it's a move borne of
desperation, but what better way to defeat an opponent of superior
strength and speed, but to trade places with him?"
Soun stepped forward, and in his most serious voice, said,
"Saotome, my friend, is this true? Do you know how to restore my
daughter to her rightful body?"
"Don't listen to him, Mr. Tendo! He ain't never heard of no
'Monkey Head-Butting' technique! He's making it up!"
"Am I, boy?" Genma countered. "Perhaps you'd like a
demonstration." He advanced on the woman who looked like
Kasumi but spoke like his son. "After I bang heads with you, you'll
see exactly what I'm talking about."
"Saotome, don't be foolish!" Soun grasped Genma's shoulder
firmly. "That's my daughter's body you're talking about!"
"Ah man, I ain't butting heads with no one's body but my
own," Ranma said.
Without warning a giant demonic head that bore a
passing resemblance to Soun Tendo lunged at Ranma. It's
long tongue flicked in and out, the veins on it's red face
bulged, and it's eyes burned like fires of hell. "YOU ARE
NOT GOING TO BASH HEADS WITH MY KASUMI!!"
the demon roared. "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!"
"Okay! Okay!" Ranma exclaimed, backing away and holding
up her hands. "I'm not going to hurt her! Honest!"
As quickly has it had appeared, the demon head was gone,
leaving Mr. Tendo in it's place. He took one look at Ranma and
burst into tears.
"Wah! Look what you've made me do! I'm yelling at my own
daughter! Kasumi! Oh, Kasumi!!!!"
"Jeez," Ranma said under her breath. She put her head in her
hands and looked at her father. "Okay, pop. How'm I supposed to
get back to my own body without hurting Kasumi?"
***
"You're what? You want to run that by me again?"
"I told you," the redheaded girl said patiently. "I'm not
Ranma, I'm Kasumi. Somehow, we've switched places."
Akane scowled. Ranma was being an especially big pain
today. First he'd made them late, then he'd nearly killed her sister,
and now this. "Jeez, Ranma, I know you hit your head a little hard
this morning, but snap out of it!"
"Akane, I know it's a little hard to believe..."
"Hard to believe? Try impossible!"
"...but I'm telling you the truth. Why would I lie to you?"
"As if you need a reason to lie to me, Ranma! Of all the
weird stories you've come up with..."
"Do you remember what mother wore the day she died?" the
girl asked. Akane opened her mouth, but no sound came out. "It
was her favorite dress, remember? The one with the blue trim?
The... the one she was buried in?"
Akane's eyes went wide. "K... Kasumi?"
The girl, who looked every bit like Ranma, nodded solemnly.
"Oh my!" Akane said, "Kasumi, what are we going to do?
We'd better head back home..."
"But you and Ranma are late for school," Kasumi said.
"Kasumi, school can wait! This is serious!"
"I don't want you missing any more school if you can help it.
You've both already missed so much..."
Akane gritted her teeth. Hearing that tone of voice coming
from Ranma was weird... but she knew her sister was right.
"That's true... anyway, that stupid principal is only looking for
another excuse to nail Ranma..."
"Akane! Pig-Tailed Girl!" A tall boy in a blue and black
samurai outfit ran across the lawn. In one hand he clutched a
bokken; in the other was a bouquet of red roses wrapped in a
ribbon.
Kasumi's face brightened. "Oh, look! It's one of Ranma's friends!"
Akane sighed, slipping into a defensive stance. "Kasumi, Ranma
doesn't have any friends," she said.
Kuno headed for the red-haired pig-tailed girl first. Too late,
Akane realized the implications of that... it wasn't Ranma by her
side, but her sister Kasumi. She growled to herself and stepped
forward, but Kuno had already glomped onto Kasumi, one hand
placed prominently on her left breast. "Oh my pig-tailed goddess!
Say that you'll date with me!"
There was a movement too fast for the eye to follow, and Kuno
was flying through the air away from them. Akane blinked, staring
at her sister. "Kasumi?" she asked.
Kasumi was staring at her fist in confusion. "Did I do that? I hurt
Ranma's friend! Oh my!"
Akane rolled her eyes. It looked like it was going to be an
especially long day...
***
With a resounding crack, the heads of the two martial artists
came together.
Genma Saotome and Soun Tendo slumped to the floor,
unconscious. Kasumi -- or at least, Ranma, in Kasumi's body -- sat
nearby with a disgusted look on her face.
Several minutes passed, during which the only sounds were
the tick of the clock, the soft tinkle of the wind chimes, and the
occasional plop as a fish cleared the surface of the pond, then
succumbed to gravity again.
Finally Soun groaned, and then Genma sat up. He looked
about, blinking, and shoved his glasses back onto his nose. "Did it
work?" he asked. He jumped up and assumed a triumphant pose.
"Do you see, boy? Here I am in Soun Tendo's body..." he glanced
down. "Strange, I didn't think we'd exchange clothing as well..."
"Aw, man, for a moment I almost believed you..."
Ranma landed a punch that sent her father flying out into the
yard. There was a loud splash, sending droplets of water raining
down on the deck like hail. When the air cleared, a panda lay
floating in the water.
Pain shot up Ranma's right arm, and she winced and clutched
it to her chest. "Ow! That hurt, damn it!"
In and instant Soun was by her side, his arms around her,
concern in his eyes. "Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?"
"I'm fine, I'm fine," Ranma said, pushing Soun away. "Geez,
Mr. Tendo, don't be grabbing at me like that..."
Fountains of water gushed from Soun's eyes. "Wah! My own
daughter has rejected me!"
"I'm not your daughter, Mr. Tendo! Get a grip!"
Like a dragonfly, Soun darted from overwhelming sorrow to
complete seriousness with little warning. "This isn't your body,
Ranma," he said in a steady voice. "You need to be careful with it.
I don't want you causing damage to my daughter's body while
you're in it."
"Well maybe we should think of a way to get me out of it,"
Ranma replied.
The panda lumbered out of the kitchen with a steaming kettle.
He poured it over himself, and began to shrink.
"That's what we're working on, boy," Genma said. "After all,
you can't marry Akane and take over the Tendo Dojo if you're
Akane's own sister! Perhaps Tofu-Sensei will be able to help, or
perhaps the master knows a way. Unfortunately the master's gone
for the day, and we can't have you appearing before Tofu-Sensei in
that body."
"What about the ghoul? She knows lots of stuff."
Soun's face darkened. "Son, you know I don't approve of that
strange Chinese woman and her granddaughter coming around.
We will consult with her only as a last resort."
"For all we know," Genma said, "the cure could take days or
even weeks to discover."
"Weeks?!?"
"Best to wait until this evening, when Akane and Kasumi
return from school, and discuss it then."
"What? What am I supposed to do in the meantime?" Ranma
asked. "I can't go to school like this!"
"No, I'm afraid you can't," Genma said. "The solution is
obvious."
Soun nodded in agreement. "Until we figure a way to switch
you two back, you'll just have to pretend to be each other. Kasumi
will take your place, and you will take hers."
"What do you mean? Are you nuts? I can't be Kasumi!"
"That's true," Soun responded, "you can't. Nobody can be
Kasumi, not really. Nobody could duplicate her perfection, her
supreme serenity, her beauty and openness, her careful tending of
the household, and her remarkable, upbeat personality. No one,
and especially not you. No, Ranma, you can only hope to imitate
her, in your own, crude way..."
"Okay, okay, I get the point!" Ranma yelled. "Sheesh! So
how am I supposed to do that, exactly?"
"Well," Genma said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "You can
start by washing the breakfast dishes, then going upstairs and
making the beds. Then there's laundry to do, dusting, sweeping,
vacuuming, scrubbing, moping, shopping, and cooking..."
"That's girl's work!"
"Have you looked in a mirror lately, boy?" Genma asked.
"No way, pop! I am not going to be your maid!"
"Is that how you think of our Kasumi?" Soun growled in
warning.
"No, of course not!" Ranma suddenly grew silent. She held
up her hands. "Look... I don't want to be... I'm not..."
Soun place a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry son, it's not
permanent. Just until we find a way to reverse this situation."
"But... but... what about school?"
"Kasumi will take your place," Soun said.
"Look on the bright side, boy," Genma boomed out. "Your
grades will be getting a huge boost!"
"Hey!"
"Face facts, boy! You're hardly another Einstein. The only
thing you've ever had going for you was the skill that I taught you,
but with Kasumi's help, you might actually be able to graduate!
She'll be doing you a favor!"
"Why you...!" Ranma leapt to her feet, but just as quickly
Soun was at her side, with his hands on her shoulders.
"Ranma, no! I forbid you to place our Kasumi's body in
danger! As long as you are in this form, you will refrain from
fighting!"
"I..." Ranma said, and then bowed her head. "Okay, Mr.
Tendo. I promise. But," she said, looking up again, "I can't do all
of that housewife stuff! I don't even know how. It's too much
work, I'll mess it all up!"
"Kasumi does it every day," Soun said. "How difficult can it
be?"
Genma nodded. "It may seem like a lot of work, boy, but
compared to martial arts it's really quite easy. I've watched
Kasumi do it every day for the last year, and there's really nothing
to it."
"While you just sit there and eat and play shoji? Did you ever
offer to help?"
"What? Foolish boy! That's woman's work!"
Ranma leapt forward again, then stopped herself,
remembering Soun's admonitions. Her face contorted in agony. A
growling, gurgling sound emerged from her throat:
"Aaaaaaaaarghghghgh."
Tears sprang to Soun Tendo's eyes. "Ranma, please! I can't
bear to hear such noises coming from my daughter! Kasumi never
sounds anything like that!"
"Kasumi doesn't have to put up with such abuse from my
lame excuse for a father either!" Ranma growled.
"Never-the-less, you must school yourself. Think as Kasumi
would think, act as Kasumi would act. How else can you expect
others to believe that you are Kasumi, if you think and act like
Ranma Saotome?"
"Oh man... you mean I not only gotta do all the woman's work
around here, and do it without punching anyone out, but I gotta be
nice to everyone? I gotta smile and act like nothing's wrong, that I
don't really want to pound my father into a bloody pulp?"
Soun nodded gravely. "It wouldn't hurt if you sang to yourself
too. Kasumi has a pleasant voice, you know."
Ranma slumped back to the floor, her head in her hands.
"There's no way, Mr. Tendo. There's no way I can do all of that.
Even if I manage to swallow my pride and anger and act like
Kasumi, there's still no way I can do all of her work. I don't know
what I'm doing... I'll need help."
"Don't fight us on this one, boy," Genma warned. "This
situation is all your fault, after all."
"The boy does have a point, Genma," Soun said. "He's never
done this before; he could use some help."
"Soun, are you suggesting that we..."
"I'm afraid so," Soun said. He breathed in deeply, and Ranma
tensed. Could it actually be that his father and Mr. Tendo would
prove useful for once?
"We..." Soun said, "that is, you and I, Genma, will have to
swallow our pride..."
"...to put aside our manly, macho ways..." Genma added.
"...to bow to the inevitable," Soun said, "and... and... call
Nadoka."
Ranma fell to the floor, stunned. Genma beamed. "My
thoughts exactly, Tendo!" he exclaimed. "An excellent suggestion!
If we do it right now, we may still have time to get in our usual
games of shogi!"
***
"My, now wasn't that fun?"
Akane stared open-mouthed at her sister. "Kasumi? Hello?
That was a mid-term test in Economics! I've been studying for it
all week, and while I'm sure I did pretty good, nobody in this room
would describe it as 'fun'! Are you feeling all right?"
Kasumi smiled sweetly. "Don't be silly, Akane! Those
questions were really quite easy! It was hardly as difficult as
trying to plan meals for seven on as limited a budget! Are you sure
you're not exaggerating just a little?"
A huge sweatdrop appeared at Akane's brow. "Uh...
nevermind then, sis. You're really something else, you know that?"
She looked her sister over... her sister, who, at the moment, was in
Ranma's body. "You know, sis, Ranma doesn't usually attend class
as a girl. Don't you think you should find hot water and change
back? People might start thinking weird things about Ranma..."
*As if they don't already,* she thought to herself.
Kasumi placed her hand to her cheek. "Oh, I thought about
that, Akane, but I really don't think I'd feel comfortable... you don't
really think Ranma will mind, do you? If I'm going to be in his
body, I'd just as soon remain a girl for now..."
Akane nodded in sympathy. "That's okay, Kasumi," she said.
"I guess Ranma would understand... I hope he'd understand. I can't
really blame you."
"Oh good!" Kasumi smiled again. Akane was really having a
hard time seeing that sweet, innocent, friendly smile on the face of
her stupid, arrogant fiancée. It just wasn't natural.
Kasumi stood up. "Oh, look!" she said. "Nabiki is talking to
that poor boy I hit this morning! I should probably go over and
apologize!"
"I don't think that's necessary..." Akane began, but by that
point she was talking to empty air. "Well," she said to herself,
"this day ought to be interesting, if nothing else..."
Kasumi was in the middle of her daily bargaining session with
Kuno, and had just produced her latest selection of wares when the
photos were yanked from her hand. She glanced over her shoulder
to see Ranma staring at the photos, eyes wide.
"Ranma," Nabiki said, "this is a private transaction that
doesn't concern you. So if you'd be so kind, please butt out."
"Oh, my!" Ranma exclaimed, putting her hand to her mouth.
She glanced up, her eyes burning furiously. "Nabiki Tendo! If
your mother knew you were selling photos of your own sister like
this... why, I don't know what she'd do! She's probably turning
over in her grave right now! Have you no shame?"
Nabiki opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again,
speechless. That... that was absolutely the last thing she'd expected
to hear Ranma say. What's more, it struck home. Ranma was
absolutely right; her mother would almost certainly not approve.
More than that, though, was the tone of voice, which sounded
nothing like Ranma Saotome, and everything like another person
in Nabiki's life...
"Pig-Tailed Girl! At last you've come to accept my offerings
of love!"
Kuno started to get up. Nabiki slammed a book down over
his head, and he slumped back into his chair. "Sorry, Kuno-baby,"
she said. "This is important."
"Nabiki? Are you listening to me?"
Nabiki's eyes narrowed as she turned back to the person who
looked for all the world like Ranma Saotome. She'd been
wondering all morning why he was still in his girl form, but now...
"Yes, Kasumi?" she asked.
"I want you to apologize to Akane right now!"
Nabiki nodded meekly, got up, and headed towards Akane, all
under the watchful eyes of Ranma. But it wasn't Ranma after all,
was it? Nabiki laughed softly to herself. This, she sensed, was a
huge opportunity in the making.
***
"Man, I never knew cleaning a house could be so much
work!" Ranma sat back, studying the newly-scrubbed floor.
"What do I gotta do next?"
Nodoka smiled at her son... her son, who sometimes was her
daughter, her son, who was currently in the body of Kasumi. It
was a little hard to imagine, but since she'd been reunited with her
husband and her son she'd begun to learn that being a martial artist
meant all sorts of things she'd never initially considered. There
were ancient curses, powerful spells and pressure-point lore, rivals
and enemies, and all sorts of odd things to consider. Things like a
spell or curse or technique that had somehow swapped Ranma and
Kasumi's minds and souls.
There was a way to reverse it, she was certain, and it would
be discovered, she would make sure of that. But, for the moment,
her son had become the temporary caretaker of the Tendo
household, and he needed her help. And, strange as the situation
was, she was actually enjoying the chance to get a little closer to
her son. She was even a little hopeful that it would last more than
a day or two; there were many things that Ranma had yet to learn
about being a man, things that his father had been unable to teach
him, and she had been waiting for opportunities to fill in the gaps
in her son's teaching. One such opportunity was now at hand, and
with any luck, Ranma would come out of this situation a little
wiser.
"Well," Nodoka said, "we've managed most of the morning
chores. Now's a good time to plan lunch and dinner and then make
a trip to the market for supplies. Lunch will have to be a little late,
since we're a bit behind schedule; I came as soon as I could, but we
got a late start and we've gone rather slow... then, in the afternoon,
we can get to the laundry and the dusting, before we start preparing
dinner..."
Ranma nodded tiredly. "Okay, mom. I'll be with you in just a
minute." She headed down the hallway towards the toilet.
Soun rose up before Ranma, blocking his path.
"Son, where do you think you're going?" he said.
"Mr. Tendo? I just need to use the toilet..."
Soun shook his head. "I'm sorry, son, but I can't let you go in
there. I must protect my daughter's body from those hands of
yours."
"What the hell are you talking about, Mr. Tendo?" Ranma
yelled. "These are Kasumi's hands! I'm in Kasumi's body,
remember? Besides, I've been a girl before, right? And no matter
what body I'm in, this is not something that I can simply put off!
Now step aside!"
Soun's face fell. "I... I'm sorry, Ranma, I just... this is so hard
for me to get used to..."
"Well that makes two of us. Maybe you could stop playing
shogi long enough to figure a way to switch us back..."
Ranma shoved past Soun and into the restroom, slamming the
door behind her.
***
At Furinkan High School, piercing screams emanated from a
very different restroom. This one was public, and was intended for
women only.
"Get out of here, you pervert!"
"KIYAAAA! Hentai! Get out!"
Kasumi ran out of the restroom. Bars of soap followed her,
bouncing off of her head. She winced, then spun about, realizing
that a crowd had gathered, and that they were all staring at her.
Akane stepped out of the crowd, grabbed her by the elbow,
and drug her around the corner. "Kasumi? Are you okay?"
"Akane, what did I do? I just wanted to use the facilities..."
"You're Ranma, remember? Even if you're in his girl-form,
everyone here at school knows he's a guy! You can't just walk into
the girl's toilet or the girl's locker!"
A troubled look passed over Kasumi's face. "I... I see. But
Akane, I don't think I can face entering the boy's restroom! I'll die
of embarrassment!"
Akane sighed. "It's okay, sis. Look, remember when Ranma
was trapped as a girl by Cologne and her cat-tongue pressure
point? That lasted for more than a month, right? He couldn't use
the guy's or the girl's toilets, and he couldn't change in either the
guy's or the girl's locker rooms. He had to use the toilet in the
nurse's station; it's private and there's a lock on the inside. I'll show
you where it is. Okay?"
Kasumi nodded. "Thank goodness!" she exclaimed. "Thanks
very much, Akane, I appreciate it. I guess I just never realized
quite how complicated poor Ranma's life was."
"You have no idea," Akane muttered under her breath.
***
Passing by the stairwell, Nodoka bent down to pick up the
object that had caught her eye. It was a metal brooch of some sort,
depicting a strange, comical monkey's head. It was very dirty.
*Where did this come from?* she wondered. *Who could
have dropped such an odd piece of jewelry?*
She carried it into the kitchen, where Kasumi -- no, that was
Ranma, she reminded herself -- was busy chopping vegetables.
She went to the sink and washed the strange brooch with soap and
water. When she was satisfied that most of the dirt had been
removed, she set it on the windowsill to dry.
*Eventually someone will come looking for it,* she thought.
*Until then, it can rest here, out of the way.*
***
Doctor Tofu finished bandaging the cut on Kasumi's forehead,
then sat back and eyed the results critically.
"You really ought to be more careful, Ranma," he said sternly.
"Just because you're a highly trained martial artist is no reason to
be careless. You can't be expected to dodge everything that comes
your way, can you?"
"I... I guess not," Kasumi said. She glanced over to Akane,
who waited patiently in the corner.
"Now, then," Doctor Tofu said. "I notice you're not yourself
at the moment. Would you like me to heat up some water for
you?"
"No, thank you," Kasumi said. "I think I'll be fine as a girl for
now."
"Actually, Tofu-Sensei," Akane said, "we had a question for
you."
"Yes, Akane?"
"Have you ever heard of two people being able to switch
bodies, either on accident or on purpose?"
Doctor Tofu frowned. "Why do you want to know?" he
asked.
"Um... no reason in particular... we were just wondering about
it, and thought you might know the answer."
Doctor Tofu nodded thoughtfully. "Well, there are several
different legends that involve mind or soul transference. I'd have
to consult my books before I could give you any definite answers,
but yes, I've read about such things before."
"Really? Do you... do you think you could look into it for us?
We'd really like to know how it's done, and how to reverse it."
Doctor Tofu nodded. "Certainly, Akane, I can do that. But is
there something you want to tell me? Someone who's in trouble,
perhaps?"
"Perhaps," Akane said, "but it's best if we don't tell you the
specific details just yet. okay?"
As Kasumi and Akane stepped out of the Doctor's office and
headed up the street, Kasumi frowned. "Akane, what do you think
is wrong with Tofu-Sensei? He's usually so funny, always
clowning around. I've never seen him so serious before! I'm
worried!"
Akane rolled her eyes. "Kasumi, sometimes I think you're the
most dense person I've ever met."
"What do you mean by that, exactly?"
"I've told you before, Tofu-Sensei can be a very different
person when you're not around."
Kasumi nodded. "I remember you saying that, although I was
never sure I believed it. But I was right there!"
"No, you weren't. Ranma was right there. You're Ranma,
remember?"
"Oh. I'd forgotten already."
"Tofu-Sensei doesn't 'clown around', as you put it, for Ranma
or I. He only does that for you."
"How... how very odd," Kasumi said thoughtfully. "I wonder
why that is? He must see something in me that he doesn't see in
you or Ranma..."
"I'd certainly say so," Akane agreed. They walked on for a
moment in silence.
"Maybe he thinks I need cheering up," Kasumi finally said.
"Do you suppose that's it, Akane? Maybe I'm too serious around
him. Maybe I don't smile enough."
Akane sighed as a huge sweatdrop appeared on her head. "I
don't know, Kasumi, I... I guess that's one possibilitiy...."
***
Ranma and Kasumi stood facing each other, with the entire
household gathered around them. Dinner had not yet been set, but
the two had decided that now was as good a time as any to try and
end this strange turn of events.
"Father," Kasumi said, "I know you're trying to protect me,
but really, it's all right. If bumping heads is the only way for
Ranma and I to get back to our own bodies, then I'm quite willing
to endure a lump on the head."
"But Kasumi!" her father pleaded, "Saotome and I have
already tried it, and it didn't work! Please wait until we can
consult with the master or see what Tofu-Sensei discovers!"
Kasumi shook her head. "Father, there's probably a reason
why it didn't work with you and Mr. Saotome. Both of you are
older, and both of you are male. Although young, Ranma is able to
direct his ki in ways that neither of you can. On the other hand,
I'm really not a martial artist at all, unlike the two of you. Don't
you see? We don't know why, but it's already happened to Ranma
and I once, so there's a chance it will work again. I'd just as soon
go to sleep tonight back in my own body, if that's possible, so
please don't argue with me, or scold Ranma. It's our decision to do
this."
Ranma nodded in agreement. It creeped her out to watch her
body move and talk from a few feet away. She wanted to be back
in her own body as quickly as possible, and out of Kasumi's body
permanently. Not that there was anything wrong with her body
particularly... but after all, it belonged to Kasumi. People shouldn't
be allowed to trade bodies like this -- it wasn't natural.
"I'm ready anytime you are, Kasumi," she said.
Kasumi nodded. "I'm ready too, Ranma. The sooner this is
over, the better."
"Okay, then. Brace yourself."
"Wah! I can't bear to watch!" Soun cried as he fled from the
room. The rest of the household... Akane, Nabiki, Genma, and
also Nodoka -- held their breath.
Ranma stood with her feet apart, poised to attack. Kasumi
stood with her feet together, eyes closed, hands folded in front of
her. Ranma breathed in and out slowly, centering her ki. It wasn't
easy to purposefully smash one's head into another's... your instinct
was to flinch, or to pull back. But they'd hit each other pretty hard
this morning, and Ranma assumed that an equal force was needed
to switch them back.
Finally, without warning, she lunged. Their heads came
together with a resounding crack, and then there were stars, and
darkness.
When Ranma opened her eyes, Soun and Akane leaned over
her with concern on their faces.
"Did it work?" she asked.
"Kasumi?" Soun said, grabbing her hand, and Ranma's heart
sank. "Is that you, Kasumi?"
"No, Mr. Tendo..." Ranma said, "I'm not Kasumi..."
***
END PART ONE
Remember, if the world hands you lemons, fight back! Write
something different!
Enjoy! And if you don't, write me anyway!
M.A. Davis aka "Miko"
belldandy@angelic.com
http://listen.to/bell/
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From: belldandy@angelic.com
Subject: [Ranma][Fanfic] Monkey Head Butting part 2
Monkey Head Butting!
m a davis/miko belldandy@angelic.com
Previous chapters at:
http://members.xoom.com/bellchan/
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Characters are copyright Takahashi Rumiko, no infringement
intended. This is a fan work only, not for profit.
Monkey Head Butting
PART TWO
***
Dinner passed quietly. Ranma's head pounded, as did
Kasumi's. Afterwards, Kasumi and Ranma began gathering the
dishes simultaneously.
"Don't worry about the dishes, you two," Nodoka said. "You
two go lay down. I'll take care of them." She shot a glance at her
husband, still patting his stomach. "Genma?"
"Hmmm?"
"You can help me by drying," she said. It wasn't a request.
Ranma headed up the stairs to her room. She slid the door
aside, then paused.
If she was in Kasumi's body, then perhaps she was supposed
to lied down in Kasumi's room? She frowned, wondering exactly
how arrangements were supposed to work under the current
circumstances.
She glanced down at herself, at the yellow blouse, the long
brown skirt, and the white apron. Ranma sighed. Well, there was
one thing she certainly wanted to do, and she couldn't do it here in
the room she shared with her father. She began undoing the apron
as she headed for Kasumi's room.
Ranma dug through Kasumi's closet, muttering to herself.
"No. Nope. No way. No. No. No." Finally she sat down on
Kasumi's bed, frustrated. "Doesn't she have anything besides
dresses and skirts?"
"I'm afraid not," said a voice from the doorway.
"Nabiki?" Ranma said, looking up.
"Pants have never been my sister's style," the middle sister
said. She looked Ranma over with a critical eye. "My, my,
Ranma, that really is you, isn't it? You've never looked so...
domestic."
"Nabiki, can I borrow some of your..."
"Not on your life, Ranma-baby. My clothes don't really fit my
sister well, and besides, she would never be caught dead wearing
them. You're supposed to be Kasumi, remember? You have to
dress the way she'd dress. Something practical, and pretty, but not
trendy or stylish."
"Maybe something of Akane's..."
"Ranma, if my clothes don't fit Kasumi, then obviously
Akane's aren't going to fit. Right?"
"But how can I practice my kata in a full-length skirt?"
"Kasumi doesn't practice," Nabiki said. "That's her body, so
you don't need to practice, either. It's not like you're going to get
out of practice."
"Yes, but..."
"Oh for heaven's sake, Ranma, grow up! Girls wear dresses
all the time."
"I'm not a girl!"
"Oh? I think you'll find that my sister doesn't change with the
temperature of the water."
Ranma looked dejected and forlorn. Nabiki smiled to herself,
then let out an audible sigh. "Look, Ranma, I'll do you a favor.
Tomorrow I'll take you shopping, okay? You can buy something
more to your liking. It still has to be something that Kasumi would
wear, but it doesn't have to be a dress."
"Thanks, Nabiki, I..." Ranma paused, suddenly wondering
why Nabiki was being nice. She sensed a trap, but couldn't quite
figure out what it was. "I... I'd like that," she finished. What was
the worst that could happen? Nabiki couldn't force her to buy
anything she didn't want to buy, and after all, it had to be
something Kasumi would wear. That ruled out a lot of the more
embarassing options.
***
Kasumi followed Akane up the stairs and down the hall.
"Akane, would you mind if I borrowed one of your dresses? I
know Ranma doesn't wear them, but I've never been that
comfortable wearing pants, and my own clothes aren't going to fit
Ranchan's body..."
"Uh, sure," Akane said. She lead the way into her room, and
then came to a complete stop, staring at her bed.
"Oh, my!" Kasumi said, putting her hand to her mouth.
"Well," Akane said, clenching and unclenching her fists. "If I
didn't believe you before, then I guess I'd have to believe you now.
What an idiot! Doesn't he even know how to make up a bed
correctly?"
Kasumi automatically stepped forward and pulled the covers
on Akane's bed down. "Don't worry, Akane," she said. "You can't
really blame him. He grew up wandering everywhere with his
father; he's probably never slept in an actual bed in his life. You
just find something in your closet that you don't mind letting me
wear, and I'll have this fixed up in no time at all."
"Um... okay," Akane said. She watched the young, red-haired
girl expertly fold, tuck, and turn down the sheets, just as she'd
watched Kasumi do it so many times before. Seeing Ranma doing
the same thing, moving the same way, with the same movements,
exactly as Kasumi did it, spooked her. It was confusing, and
disturbing, in ways that she couldn't even name.
She turned to the closet and began looking through her
clothes for something that would suit Kasumi. It wasn't really
difficult. Before Ranma had shown up, Akane had spent a lot of
her time trying to look and act as much like her older sister as
possible, in the mistaken assumption that Dr. Tofu might
eventually notice her. There were several outfits that she had just
about never worn since then. She located one, pulled it out, and
handed it to the patiently waiting pig-tailed girl.
"Oh, Akane, I'd almost forgotten you had this dress!" Kasumi
said, taking it in her hands. "It's so lovely! Why haven't you worn
it lately?"
"It's hard to say," Akane said, laughing nervously. "I... I guess
I just got tired of it!"
"Thank you so much!" Kasumi held the dress up against her
body -- against Ranchan's body -- and sighed contentedly. Akane
grimaced. If her sister and her gender-swapping, rude, so-called
fiancée didn't switch back soon, she didn't know how she was
going to keep her sanity.
Kasumi looked up. "I guess I'll need underwear too," she
said, "and socks, and shoes... a whole outfit."
"Ah... sure, sis, no problem," Akane said. She gathered the
rest of the items together and handed them over. Kasumi started
towards the door, then stopped. "Would you mind if I changed
here, Akane?"
A large sweatdrop appeared on Akane's head. "Uh...
actually..."
"It's just that, I think Ranma's in my room at the moment, and
I'm not sure I should change in Ranma's room. What if Mr.
Saotome walked in while I was changing?"
Akane sighed. "Okay sis, no problem. I'll just step outside..."
"You don't have to do that!"
"Actually, sis, I do. You see, whether you're my sister or not,
that's Ranma's body that you've got. I just wouldn't feel
comfortable."
Kasumi nodded, then sighed. "Okay, Akane. I guess I
understand. I just hope father can think of a way to get me and
Ranma back in our own bodies soon!"
***
Ranma set the basket down in the grass and began pulling wet
clothing from it. She hummed to herself, not because she felt like
doing it, but because Soun had stressed the need to do everything
as Kasumi would do it, and she was well aware how often Kasumi
sang or hummed to herself while doing domestic chores. She
didn't really know any of the actual songs that Kasumi normally
sang, so she just picked a song at random from those her father had
taught her in her youth. It was true that most of them involved
battles, and honor, and people dying, but so long as she didn't sing
the words she assumed she'd be okay.
*Imagine,* she thought. *Here I am, Ranma Saotome,
martial artist and all-around handsome guy, hanging laundry.* It
was all here: shirts, dresses, pants, skirts, underwear. Especially
underwear. She held up a bra, a sudden doubt forming in her
mind. *Whose is this? Akane's? Nabiki's? Nabiki's bras would
be more sexy, wouldn't they? Is it... mine... then? That is, one that
Kasumi normally wears?*
*Where's the freak when you really need him?* Ranma
thought to herself. He would know. *Not that I want him
around... but it's going to be pretty embarrassing if I have to ask
whose underwear is whose. Akane will punch me. Nabiki will
charge me some sort of stupid fee...*
As for Kasumi... well, Ranma was already pretty embarrassed
about the position she'd placed Kasumi in. No need to become
more embarrassed, she thought, clipping the bra to the line.
And this would be my dad's underwear, she thought, hanging
another item. Lovely. No problem identifying that. Jeez, how
many holes did there have to be before the old man finally bought
something new?
*I can't believe I'm actually doing this,* she thought. I hope
no one sees me. Oh man, what if Ryoga or Ukyou or one of the
guys from school were to show up now? What if they find out?*
Sweatdrops appeared on her head as she considered the
possibilities, and she had to school her mind. *There's nothing
strange about Kasumi hanging underwear out to dry. It's
something she does every day. I look just like Kasumi, don't I?
I'm dressed like her, I have her hair, her face, her whole body, how
can I not look like Kasumi? There's no way that anyone could
know that it's really me, Ranma Saotome, who is, at this moment,
standing in the yard, holding up a pair of Akane's panties...*
"Hey Kasumi! How's it going?"
"Hi Kasumi! Is Ranma around?"
Ranma froze. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Hiroshi
and Daisuke, two friends from school. Instinctively her hands
snapped down to her side, hiding the panties from their view.
Trying to empty her head of thought, she gave a big smile.
"Oh, hello! You're Ranma's friends, right?"
"Yes, ma'am. Is he in?"
"I..." she paused, considering the dangers if these two were
around her or Kasumi for any length of time. "Oh, he's not
available right now, sorry. I'll tell him you were here, though."
"Sis, what ever are you talking about?" Nabiki stepped out
from the shadows. "Boys, Ranma's out by the koi pond. He's just
doing some yard work; I'm sure he'll be happy to see you."
"Thanks, Nabiki," the two said, as they headed around the
side of the house. Ranma took two steps after them, intending to
head them off somehow, but Nabiki stepped in front of her.
"Sister dear," Nabiki said with emphasis, "remember to
please to hang my white blouse as soon as possible. I don't want it
to become too wrinkled; it's so much harder to iron out then."
"Just a moment," Ranma said, trying to sidestep her. Again
Nabiki blocked her path.
"Right now, sis. I insist."
Ranma growled. "What are you up to, Nabiki?"
"Why nothing, Kasumi dear. By the way, isn't it time for your
bath? Remember, sister dear, you always take yours early, so that
the bath will be free when all the martial artists are done sparring."
Ranma growled again, and turned back to the clothesline.
This had already become one of the worst days of her life, and if
Nabiki got involved then it would invariably grow worse. She had
to find a way to get back into her own body quick!
***
Hiroshi and Daisuke found Kasumi raking the leaves from the
yard which bordered the pond. They were surprised to find that,
not only was she still a girl, as she'd been for the entire day at
school, but she was now wearing a pretty yellow dress with a white
blouse and apron. What's more, her hair, always done up in a pig-
tail, was now brushed out and pulled back in a simple pony-tail.
The two exchanged glances. Was Ranma feeling okay?
"Oh, hello!" Kasumi said, looking up. She greeted them with
a dazzling, beautiful smile. "How are you two doing this
evening?"
"Uh... fine," Hiroshi said.
"We were going to see a movie," Daisuke added, "and we
wondered if you or Akane wanted to come with us."
The red-haired girl smiled sweetly. "Oh, how nice of you!
Akane's not here right now, and as for me... why ask me? Don't
you think that Ranma..."
"Don't they think," Nabiki interrupted quickly, stepping into
view, "that you, Ranma have too much to do? Everyone knows
how much work you put into your kata, Ranma. Luckily for your
friends here, you've already finished your workouts, haven't you
Ranma?"
Hiroshi and Daisuke exchanged glances again.
Kasumi's eyes widened. "Oh my! That's right!" She put a
hand to her mouth then looked back at the two boys and smiled
again. "Well, I don't know. It sounds like fun, but there's so much
work I need to do..."
"Don't be stupid, Ranma," Nabiki said. "You go along with
your friends and have a good time. I'm sure that Kasumi can
handle the household chores without you."
"Of... of course," Kasumi said doubtfully. She undid her
apron and glanced down at the dress she wore. "Do you think that
what I'm wearing is...?"
"It's just fine, Ranma. She looks nice, doesn't she, boys?"
"Oh, yes," Hiroshi said.
"Most definitely," Daisuke added. "You look really nice,
Ranma. You should dress that way more often."
"I don't think..." Kasumi said, but suddenly Nabiki pushed her
towards the front gate.
"It's okay, Ranma," she said. She produced an object from
nowhere and shoved it into Kasumi's hands. "Here, you wouldn't
want to forget your purse, would you? Now run along with your
friends and have fun, okay? And don't stay up too late!"
Moments later Kasumi stood outside the gates with Ranma's
two schoolmates. "My," she said. "Well." She slipped her purse
over her shoulder. "A movie, you said? What sort of movie is it?"
"Martial arts, of course," Hiroshi said. "Jet Li's latest. We
wouldn't think of inviting you otherwise."
"We hear it's really violent," Daisuke added. "It should be a
blast!"
"Oh," Kasumi said. "Well, then... that's... okay... I guess..."
***
Akane slid the door aside and stepped in, a white towel held
against her naked body. Steam filled the room, and with the lights
turned off, there was only the hazy moonlight from the window to
see by. She heard water sloshing about in the tub, and she froze,
peering at the shadowy form in the mist, just a few feet away.
"Akane! I'm sorry, I forgot the sign! Don't come in!"
The voice was that of her sister, Kasumi, but of course she
knew that it was really Ranma. Her face flushed with
embarrassment and anger, and she stepped back out and shut the
door quickly.
"I'm sorry, Akane!" Ranma called out. "I'll let you know
when I'm done, okay?"
Akane stared at the door, her mind in a swirl. This was so
very like the first time she'd met Ranma, the first time she'd
encountered him when he was a man. She'd walked in on him, and
they'd both seen each other, naked. She'd been furious. But over
time she'd come to see it differently. She loved Ranma, and she
strongly suspected that he loved her, although neither was willing
to come out and say it. Yet now it seemed to her somehow
appropriate that they'd first met like that, that the boy she would
apparently marry -- if their parents had anything to say about it, at
least -- was also the only one who'd ever seen her so.
Ranma had been a girl so often, he invariably treated girls
differently. Despite his machismo, his rude behavior, and his
feigned ignorance, Ranma was one of the few boys her age she'd
ever met who looked into her eyes when he talked to her, rather
than down at her breasts. She'd thought about that, too, and it had
not bothered her so much that Ranma had been the one. Not that
she was ready to strip in front of him just yet, but she knew that if
and when they were married, it would be different, and she was
almost comfortable with that thought.
Memories came swirling up from her past, of when she was
younger and had routinely taken her baths with her older sister.
They were warm and relaxing memories, comforting memories.
And, just as she was uncomfortable with Kasumi undressing in
front of her earlier, because she looked like Ranma, Akane now
realized that she wasn't really embarrassed to appear naked in front
of Ranma, as long as he looked like her sister Kasumi.
Was she that bold?
"Hmmm..." Akane looked again at the door, momentarily
indecisive, and then shrugged her shoulders. After all, the room
was so full of steam, it wasn't like you could see very much.
Sliding the door open again, she stepped inside. She could feel her
heart beating against her chest.
"Akane?" Ranma called out. It sounded so much like her
sister...
"Do you mind, Ranma?" Akane asked. "I don't want to wait,
and I've bathed with my sister hundreds of times, and really, you're
her, at least, physically... so if you don't mind..."
"Um... no, I guess not..." Ranma replied, staring at the wall.
Akane smiled to herself. Ranma, chivalrous? Imagine!
"Besides," she said, quickly soaping up her body, "this way, I
can assure father that you're not playing around in here with his
precious daughter's body."
"Akane!" Ranma exclaimed.
"I'm joking, I'm joking!" She said. She washed off, her hands
shaking just a little. She was excited, and scared, and forced
herself to breathe slowly and calm down. After all, this was her
sister, right? Essentially, anyway. It wasn't like anything could
really happen between them... but knowing that it was also Ranma
sent a little thrill through her.
She slipped into the far side of the bath and slid down until
the water reached her chin. "Sort of, anyway. This whole thing
has really got dad on edge."
"Well, it's no picnic for me either," Ranma groused.
"Oh, please!" Akane splashed water Ranma's way. "It's not
like you've never been female before! And I think you passed that
economics test with flying colors!"
Ranma's face twisted up. It sent a shiver down Akane's spine,
seeing such odd expressions on her sister's face. "This is
different," Ranma said. "it's demeaning. People treat me like the
house maid, and I don't even get any of the respect that Kasumi
gets for doing the same things..."
"She's just a little better than you, you know," Akane said,
remembering her bed.
"Well of course. But that's not it... it's just... everything's so
different. I'm not strong anymore. I can hardly perform half the
kata I normally do every morning. And look at you, sitting here
with me... you'd never do at any other time."
Akane began to wonder if this had been such a good idea.
"Well," she said, "if we were to get... you know..."
"I know, I know," Ranma said. "But we've never done this
before, and we wouldn't be doing it now, except... except... I'm not
just in my girl form anymore. I'm Kasumi. I mean, what am I
going to do if I... if we never find out how to..." tears streamed
down her face.
"Don't worry, Ranma," Akane said with a confidence she
didn't really feel. "I'm sure they'll figure it out. Tofu-Sensei's
doing some research. In any case, you know Daddy won't give up
until he solves this, if only for Kasumi's sake."
"This is worse..." Ranma said, "than anything else that's
happened to me."
"Don't talk like that, Ranma," Akane said, growing a little
angry. "It's not like being my sister is the end of the world. I
mean, she's managed it just fine up 'til now. Besides, you're not the
sort of person who ever gives up hope. Things will work out, and
even if they don't... well, they just will, that's all.
"Anyway, before you drown in your own self-pity, think of
what Kasumi must be going through."
"It's just about all I can think about," Ranma replied. "I mean,
when it comes down to it, my being Kasumi mostly means I'm
stuck as a girl and I have to deal with the endless drudgery of
housework, but if I were a girl, and I didn't mind housework, it
wouldn't be so bad at all. Kasumi, on the other hand, has to deal
with my mess of a life. She's neither male nor female, she has a
pathetic excuse for a father, she has more enemies and more... um,
'relationship problems'... than any one person could possibly
deserve, especially her. And she doesn't even have all of my
martial arts training to protect herself with."
Akane thought back to the scene before the school that
morning with Kuno. "I'm not too sure about that," she said.
"Kasumi's had martial arts training. So has Nabiki. I'm just the
only one who continued on with it. But her training, combined
with your own body's reflexes, might be enough... as long as she
doesn't actually get into a fight with Ryoga, or Mousse, or
Kodachi..."
"I really don't see how she could avoid it," Ranma said
morosely.
Akane said nothing. She sat, watching the steam rise, letting
the heat soak into her body. *Ranma's right,* she realized. *The
longer this goes on, the more certain it is that Kasumi's going to
wind up in a fight where she's way outclassed.*
"I'll have to watch over her," Akane said. "Until this is over,
I'll have to protect her."
"Akane, if it's Ryoga or Mouse that she faces..."
"I know, I know, I'm not as good as them. But since you've
been training me, I've gotten a lot better. I'll just have to do my
best, that's all, and avoid any serious confrontations if we can
possibly manage it."
"If only you could master the Chestnut Fist..." Ranma said.
"I know," Akane said, frowning. She'd been practicing that
one for months, but it was just out of her reach. She was strong...
really strong, when she focused all of her energy... but she simply
didn't have the kind of speed Ranma had. The Chestnut Fist might
be something she'd never be able to master.
"Well," Ranma said, "anyway, I guess this means that we're
no longer engaged... for the moment, at least..."
Akane stared through the steam at her sister's face... at
Ranma. Did she look sad, or just relieved? It was impossible to
tell.
***
"Well, that movie was... interesting..." Kasumi managed to
say.
The two boys seated across from her in the booth exchanged
glances. They'd been doing that all evening, and she wasn't quite
sure what to make of it. Did they normally act that way? Kasumi
didn't know. She didn't see these two particular boys around the
dojo as often as Ranma's other friends, but they seemed nice
enough. She'd been with them all evening, and they hadn't shown
the slightest inclination to rip up any telephone poles or smash any
walls, which was refreshing. *I never knew Ranma had such
friends.*
They were seated in a local ice cream parlor. The two had
insisted on treating her, despite her protests. Kasumi knew how
much Ranma liked ice cream, so she guessed this was something
that he normally did, although it did seem a little odd, her eating
while they watched.
"You really ought to consider it," Hiroshi said. "I mean,
unless wearing a dress makes you uncomfortable..."
"What?" Kasumi said. "Of course it doesn't, don't be silly!
Why would it... I mean..."
"Then," Daisuke said, "there's nothing to prevent you from
wearing them more often, is there?"
"You could wear a girl's dress uniform at school," Hiroshi
said. "That wouldn't be so bad, would it?"
"I'm not sure that would be a good idea..." Kasumi said.
"Don't worry!" Hiroshi said. "We wouldn't mind, Ranma.
Really."
"Not at all," Daisuke chimed in. "We're right behind you,
Ranma!"
"That's right," Hiroshi said. "We support you in this decision
all the way. What are friends for?"
Kasumi felt the conversation spinning out of her control, and
decided to retreat and regroup. "I... um... I have to use the
restroom," Kasumi said. "If you'll excuse me..."
"Go right ahead," Daisuke replied. "We're not going
anywhere."
The two friends watched as their schoolmate crossed the
floor. They both nodded as the door closed behind her.
"Straight into the women's restroom," Daisuke said.
"No hesitation," Hiroshi agreed. "She didn't bat an eye."
"I'm telling you, Ranma's never acted more feminine in his
life."
"Tonight's a special night, Daisuke. Very special."
"Definitely. It's almost like being on a date, only..."
"Only, really we're just hanging out with the guys," Hiroshi
said.
"Exactly. Noriko has nothing to get jealous about."
"Shigeko can't complain either. It's only Ranma, after all."
"It's not like you're cheating on her or anything."
"Not at all."
"It's the best of both worlds, isn't it?"
"Definitely. You don't even have to worry about jealous
boyfriends. Ranma doesn't have any."
"Unless you count Kuno."
Hiroshi's face fell. "That's right. I forgot about Kuno."
"Well, what he doesn't know..." Daisuke suggested.
Hiroshi nodded his head vigorously. "Exactly! What he
doesn't know..."
A shadow fell across the table. The two looked up into the
intense eyes of a man who was just this side of not quite sane. He
wore a samurai's outfit, blue with black, and casually balanced a
bokken over his shoulder.
"Pray thee, did I perchance to hear my name on your lips?"
Kuno asked suspiciously, staring at the two.
"What?" Hiroshi said. "No, not at all!"
"Definitely not," Daisuke chimed in.
"Foolish knaves!" Kuno's bokken swung around to point
directly at them. "Tell me why you have chosen to slander the
good name of Tatewaki Kuno!"
Kasumi straightened her dress and checked herself in the
mirror.
She'd have to go out there and straighten things out with those
two boys somehow. Really, if it came to it, Kasumi would just as
soon attend school in her old dress uniform... she still had the one
from three years ago, and was pretty sure it would fit Ranmachan's
body... but what would that do to poor Ranma? Here she was,
spending the evening with two of his best friends, and she wore a
dress. Poor Ranma! She was going to cause him all sorts of
problems if she didn't get a hold of herself.
She smiled at the reflection in the mirror, liking what she
saw. *Well,* she thought, *it's not as if Ranma hasn't worn a dress
before. She looks so lovely in one... when it comes right down to
it, if he's going to be a she part of the time, then why shouldn't she
dress like a girl? It stands to reason. She's really so very pretty...*
Kasumi smiled at her reflection and walked out of the
restroom.
"Pig-tailed girl!" A voice cried out. Kasumi looked up to see
someone dressed in a samurai outfit running at her from across the
parlor. He fell to one knee at her feet and grasped her hand. From
seemingly nowhere he produced a bouquet of deep red roses and
offered them to her. "Lo, how your hair, unfettered at last,
outshines the noonday sun! How fortuitous that we should meet
thus! But then, "Journeys end in loved ones meeting." So it shall
be! You must date with me! Say yes! I will not accept no as an
answer!"
"Oh!" Kasumi said, looking down at the tall and rather
handsome young boy kneeling before her. "Oh, my! Aren't you
the boy I hit..." she paused, her hand to her mouth, looking guilty.
Across the parlor, Daisuke and Hiroshi looked on.
"Thank the gods," Hiroshi said. "One moment more and we
would have been mincemeat."
"Perfect timing on Ranma's part, as usual," Daisuke agreed.
"Look at that! A bouquet of roses! I'll never understand how
he does that!"
"Gotta be some special martial arts trick," Daisuke said.
Hiroshi nodded. "Martial arts are a wondrous thing, my
friend."
***
Nabiki Tendo played with the telephoto lens, then snapped
several pictures.
"Oh my," she said. "This is too rich! What is she going to
do?"
Her eyes tracked a couple as they stepped out of an ice cream
parlor and made their way down the sidewalk. Dropping her
camera and pulling the wide brim of her hat lower, she shadowed
them down the opposite side of the street. They held hands! She
paused to take several more pictures, then watched as they
disappeared into a restaurant.
"Can it be?" she asked. "An actual date? Oh, my poor sister!
She probably couldn't find a way out of it. That's what you get for
being nice. But this is better than anything I could ever arrange on
my own! How much will Ranma pay to keep these photos under
wraps? Everything! No, he doesn't have enough money to keep
them hidden!"
She balanced the camera on the back of a postbox. "Okay,
Kuno baby," she said, "now don't disappoint me. It's your first big
date with the love of your life, and you're as vain as a Hollywood
starlet. Tell me you want a window seat. Tell me you want
everyone who walks by to see you with your dream date."
For several moments she scanned the large glass windows,
then she froze. Quickly she took aim with the camera and adjusted
the scope.
"YES! YES! Oh, Kuno baby, you are sooooo predictable!
Oh, my, yes! Commemorative photos of your first date with the
pig-tailed goddess! What will you pay? What WILL you pay? I'm
afraid to even contemplate it. Ten times the usual? Twenty?
More?"
Nabiki reeled off an entire roll of film, then paused to rewind
and put in a new roll. "I almost feel guilty," she said to herself. "I
mean, my poor sister... and poor Ranma! It's almost going too far.
I should probably cut them in for a share. Maybe... one percent
each? No. One percent, split between the two. Yeah, I can
probably afford that much."
Nabiki leveled the camera and began clicking away.
***
Kasumi wasn't at all sure how she had gone from an evening
spent with two of Ranma's friends to a date with another of them,
but here she was, in a fine French restaurant, with the strange boy
who always dressed like a samurai. She was vaguely aware that
Ranma himself would probably have never allowed this to happen,
but Kuno had trapped her so cleverly with his words and actions
that she didn't quite know how to escape, short of punching him
again, which she was definitely not going to do. She was also
aware that what she did might have some ramifications down the
road for Ranma -- she could be getting him into yet more trouble,
but she saw no way to avoid it.
*In any case,* she thought to herself after some reflection,
*Ranma can certainly handle himself, so I suppose I can't do too
much damage. And really, it is kind of fun, being on a date! I've
never actually done this before. I was too young before mother
died, and since then my opportunities for any romance have been
slim. And he is kind of handsome, in an egotistical way, and he is
rather charming, and chivalrous, if a little odd...*
Kasumi allowed herself to relax, and have a good time. The
meal was delicious, and the company... well, Kuno spoke at great
length about his own exploits, and especially about his great (and
victorious) battles with "that evil sorcerer Ranma Saotome",
whatever that meant... but Kasumi was used to boastful stories, and
was a good listener. The evening was surprisingly pleasant,
certainly moreso than the movie had been, and Kuno seemed to be
having such a nice time...
As they stepped out of the restaurant, Kuno's face took on a
more serious frown. "Now then, my beautiful pig-tailed goddess,"
he said, "where do you suppose the night shall lead us to next?"
Enough was enough, Kasumi realized. She'd had some fun,
probably at Ranma's expense, she thought guiltily. Best if it went
no farther than that. "Thank you so much for the dinner, Kuno, I
enjoyed myself, but I really think I should be heading home."
"Of course," Kuno said after a moment's reflection. "For 'The
day is done, and the darkness Falls from the wings of Night, As a
feather is wafted downward From an Eagle in flight.' But I insist
that I be allowed to escort you to the door of your domicile!"
Kasumi giggled. What an odd way of speaking this boy had!
"Thank you very much, Kuno," she said. "I think I'd like that."
They walked through the streets as the daylight faded away
and was replaced by the moonlight. Kuno seemed peaceful and
reflective. Kasumi could not remember ever having seen the boy
act this way before... always in the past, he was loud, and boastful,
and ready to fight his friends at a moment's notice. Now he
seemed calm, almost serene.
He placed his arm around her. Again, she thought that
probably Ranma would not have allowed it, but she didn't want to
start a confrontation with this boy. Besides, it really felt good.
At the gate of the dojo he took Kasumi in his arms and looked
deeply into her eyes. She knew what he wanted, and she found
that she wanted it as well. It had been such a pleasant evening, her
first real date ever, and dates always ended with a kiss, wasn't that
so?
*What can it hurt?* She thought. And then, *Oh, but he will
tell others! Ranma might never live it down!* And then, *but if
no one sees us, it will be Ranma's word against Kuno's...* And
then, *It would be so nice, a perfect ending to such an enjoyable
evening.* And then, *Do you suppose Ranma has ever been in this
position? What did she do?* And then, *Oh, I can't do this to poor
Ranma!* And then...
And then Kuno kissed her. Her eyes went wide with shock,
but it wasn't unpleasant at all, and for just a moment she allowed
herself to kiss him back. Just a moment, just... and then she pulled
away, reluctantly.
She frowned. Kuno had such a goofy look on his face, and he
stared up at the sky, ignoring her completely. Was he all right?
And there had been the distinct sounds of clicking and whirring
coming from the alley across the way. They were soft, faint
sounds, but it was night and the streets were quiet. Kasumi had
heard them clearly, and she knew what those sounds were.
With another glance at Kuno, who was lost in a world of his
own, she opened the gate and slipped inside. She stepped to the
side of the gate and waited.
Several minutes later the gate slid open again. Nabiki slipped
silently into the compound. She was dressed all in dark clothing,
with a wide-brimmed hat pulled down low. In her hand she
carried a camera, carefully, as if it were a priceless relic from the
Han Dynasty.
Kasumi cleared her throat. Nabiki nearly jumped back over
the wall.
"Sister," Kasumi said, "what are you doing with that camera?"
***
The rising young star of the kendo club, he whom they called
'the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High', Tatewaki Kunou, walked
home.
His mind was in a pleasant fog. What a marvelous night it
had been! His first date with the pig-tailed girl! His first kiss!
This day, he reasoned, ranked as high on his list of momentous
days as his other greatest days... his chance first meetings with
Akane and with the pig-tailed girl. No, this ranked higher! Higher
than any other day! This was the most consequential moment of
his young life! This day signaled a turning point in his relationship
with the pig-tailed goddess! No more would that dark sorcerer
Saotome hold sway over her innocent heart, clouding her mind to
the truth. Now, now, his path to her heart was clear and
unobstructed. Now, finally, could Tatewaki Kuno see where his
path would lead him!
He stopped in the middle of the street, suddenly in anguish.
What of Akane? How could he break the news to her? How
could he leave her, broken and devastated by her loss?
No! It could not be! Never could he raise one above the
other, or abandon one in favor of the other! He would choose the
most difficult path, but the most honorable one! The path of a true
samurai! He would court them both, and win both their hearts at
last!
Kuno paused, again, brought up short by the thought. If he
were to treat them equally... if he were to avoid favoring one, and
thus shattering the heart of the other... then surely he must arrange
a date with Akane Tendo forthwith! How it would crush her to
know of this evening he had spent in the pig-tailed girl's company,
if he did not immediately arrange a similar evening with her! And
truly, it was not only the honorable thing to do, but very much a
thing that he felt a yearning for within his own breast!
"Oh!" Kuno said aloud, "that ever a man trod a path so
precarious and fraught with danger, and all for the sake of love!
But as it is said, 'For ever it was, and ever it shall befall, That Love
is he that all things may bind.' Yes! My next step is as clear as the
morning sun! Tomorrow evening shall Akane Tendo dine together
with me, and I shall escort her home just as I have tonight with the
pig-tailed girl. And then..!"
Maniacal laughter rang out in the night.
***
Father was waiting for both of them when Kasumi and Nabiki
slipped into the house. They greeted him, then Nabiki yawned and
headed up to her room. Kasumi stayed behind.
"Kasumi," Soun said, "did you have a good time?"
"I had a wonderful time, Father!" she said.
Soun nodded, pleased. "I wanted you to know that Ranma's
asleep on a futon in your room. He said you could use the bed."
Kasumi nodded. "Father? Can I get you some tea, or
something to eat?"
Soun shook his head. "No, thank you, Kasumi. I was just
going to bed."
"Let me rub your shoulders then," she said, settling behind
him. Soun relaxed and let his daughter work out the kinks in his
back, and for a moment it seemed as if it had all been a dream. He
could imagine that these were his precious Kasumi's own hands on
his shoulders, and not Ranmachan's.
"I... I'm afraid I may have caused Ranma some trouble
tonight," Kasumi said, shattering his reverie. "I hope it's not too
bad."
"Don't worry," Soun said softly. "There's very little that
Ranma can't handle. We'll speak to Tofu-Sensei in the morning,
and with any luck we'll find a solution for this mess."
"I hope so, father, I really do," Kasumi said.
After her father had disappeared into his room, Kasumi
headed for the bath. It was late, but she wanted to be clean and
she needed some time to relax and think things over.
She closed the door behind her. After a minute there was the
sound of running water. A few minutes of relative quiet passed,
and then the sounds of more water running, and of water
splashing. Then came the sound of feet padding on a hard tile
floor, and the deeper splosh of someone settling into the tub, and
of the water sloshing about and splashing onto the floor.
A girl's voice cried out suddenly. "Oh! Oh, my!" The voice
quickly dropped to a lower register. "Oh my, oh my, oh my!"
It was a short bath. Kasumi emerged again a few minutes
later, clean, but hardly relaxed. She was female again, and her
face was very, very red.
***
END PART TWO
Remember, if the world hands you lemons, fight back! Write
something different!
Enjoy! And if you don't, write me anyway!
M.A. Davis aka "Miko"
belldandy@angelic.com
http://listen.to/bell/
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From: bellchan89@my-dejanews.com
Newsgroups: rec.arts.anime.creative
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Monkey Head Butting 3 of 9
Monkey Head Butting!
m a davis/miko belldandy@angelic.com
Previous chapters at:
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Characters are copyright Takahashi Rumiko, no infringement
intended. This is a fan work only, not for profit.
Monkey Head Butting
PART THREE
***
When Kasumi awoke, she lay in her bed, hugging her pillow,
recalling Kuno's kiss from the evening before. It had surprised her,
but it had also been warm, and intimate, and electrifying. It made
her dizzy to think about it. Was that what love was like? Kasumi
had never been in love, had never had the time to even consider it.
`
But no, when she thought of Kuno, she thought mostly of his
pompous attitudes, his boasting, and his flat refusal to see or hear
anything which contradicted his chosen view of the world. She
wasn't in love with Kuno. *Which is a good thing,* she thought,
giggling. *Ranma doesn't need any more fiancees... especially
male ones!*
She got dressed, and headed for the kitchen. She was
surprised to find Ranma and Nodoka already there, hard at work
on breakfast.
"Kasumi, dear," Nodoka said, "you just let us take care of
things for now. Remember, until this situation is resolved, you're a
high school student again. No need for you to be cooking and
cleaning."
Kasumi smiled weakly. It was awfully nice of Mrs. Saotome
and Ranma, but... Kasumi had been getting up early and cooking
breakfast for everyone since long before she'd graduated from high
school. Being a student had little to do with it. She backed out of
the kitchen and looked around.
*Now what?* The kitchen was Kasumi's center of operation.
To not be allowed to enter and start breakfast threw her off
balance. What was she supposed to do with herself now?
She could hear Genma and father outside, sparring. *Poor
father! I suppose Mr. Saotome needs a partner, but father's not as
fond of early morning workouts as the Saotomes are!*
Akane would be out running soon, if she wasn't already, and
Nabiki... well, Nabiki wasn't an early riser.
If she were Ranma, she'd be out sparring with his father, not
standing here in a yellow dress. Well, at least she could practice
some of the simple katas she'd learned from father as a child. It
would be a good idea to try and keep Ranma's body in shape, at
any rate. But she'd need to wear something besides the dress...
A half-hour later, Kasumi left the dojo, having worked up a
sweat. *My, but Ranma-kun is a healthy girl!* she thought. It had
been so very long since Kasumi had practiced, but the katas had
come to her quite readily. She'd even found herself going through
some of Ranma's moves, ones she'd seen him do many times but
which Kasumi had never been taught. They felt absolutely natural,
and the movement of her body, with it's strength, speed, and
flexibility, was exhilarating, almost hypnotic.
She took a quick bath, being very careful that the water was
only lukewarm, then she headed back to her room. She thought
again about attending school as a boy, but knew she wasn't ready to
do it. She studied Ranma's clothing critically -- the red silk top,
the black pants -- and again she wondered, *If I'm going to be a
girl, then what could be wrong with dressing like a girl? Certainly
that's more natural than a girl who dresses like a boy!*
With her mind made up, Kasumi headed for the attic.
***
"Ranma! I mean, Kasumi! Hurry up! We're going to be
late!"
Akane stood at the foot of the stairs, fuming. *You'd think
that for once, with my sister taking Ranma's place, we could
actually arrive on time, but nooo! What's gotten into her anyway?
Is Ranma's body affecting her mind somehow?*
Akane's anger vanished and her mouth fell open when she
saw Kasumi descending the stairs. Kasumi wore her old Furinkan
High School girl's dress uniform, and her red hair was tied back
with a large white ribbon. It wasn't much, but... no, that's not true,
there was something else as well. There was the way Kasumi
walked, the way she moved, the way she smiled so sweetly when
she greeted Akane. Ranma had never looked like this. Ranma
could never look like this... he could never be as sweet and
innocent, as graceful and feminine, as Kasumi. Everything that
was Kasumi showed through in her every look, her every
movement, her every spoken word. Combined with Ranma's
looks, which were admittedly considerable, she was absolutely
stunning.
*My god,* Akane thought. *Every boy in school's going to be
on her in an instant. It won't even matter that they know she's
really Ranma...*
Was this really her sister? Why hadn't she looked like this
yesterday, or last night? What was going on here?
"Akane?" Kasumi said, waving a hand in front of Akane's
face. "Shouldn't we be going? I thought you said we were late."
"Kasumi?" Akane said, snapping out of her dazed state. "Do
you... do you really think it's a good idea to go to school like that?"
Kasumi smiled ruefully. "To be honest, Akane, I know it
might cause Ranma problems later, but I can't bring myself to act
like him or... or to be him. If you don't mind, I'd like to leave
before Ranma notices..."
"That... that sounds like a good idea," Akane said. The two
slipped silently past the kitchen, where Ranma was washing the
morning dishes, and out the front gate.
Nabiki waited at the corner, camera in hand. Akane sighed.
Maybe Ranma was right... maybe this was worse than anything
that had yet happened to him. And Ranma didn't even know the
half of it, yet...
***
Ranma had thought school was boring, but she began to
realize how much more dull things could be. While Mr. Tendo
and her father sat in the corner, playing their usual games of shogi,
Ranma once again tackled the household's daily tasks under the
watchful gaze of her mother. There was nothing exciting about
dusting or scrubbing the floors or doing the laundry, and this time
around there was little help from Nodoka, who expected Ranma to
be able to do all of this on her own as soon as possible. It was
mindless work, which perhaps explained why Kasumi seemed so
mindless so much of the time.
Worse, it wore her out and left her tired, without providing
any of the benefits of an actual workout. Not that Ranma had ever
taken Kasumi for granted, but she was learning to respect the
oldest Tendo sister on a whole new level.
The upside of all this mindless work was that it gave her a
chance to talk with her mother, which she rarely had the chance to
do. The downside to talking to her mother was that her mother
wanted to do more than talk. She wanted to discuss things.
Things like relationships, and how to treat women, and how to
conduct yourself in the world. It was one thing, Ranma thought, to
do dull, boring, and mindless actions. In fact, she was pretty good
at doing boring, mindless things; that was, after all, essentially
what practicing kata was about. It was quite another thing to
multiply the dullness of a job by adding a boring discussion on top
of it all.
Ranma nodded her head as she worked, and said, "I see," and
"I understand" when the moment seemed appropriate. She
scrubbed in the kitchen, while her mother talked, and was slowly
going out of her mind, when a familiar sound got her attention, and
a movement from the entrance caught her eye...
***
The three Tendo sisters walked to school together for the first
time in nearly two years. It made Akane happy. Although Kasumi
had graduated before Akane entered high school, the middle
school was in the same general direction. The Tendo sisters had
always walked together. After Kasumi had graduated, Akane had
still walked to school with Nabiki, but it hadn't been the same.
Nabiki had her own friends and her own schemes to worry about;
she and Akane weren't all that close. This last year, after Ranma
had shown up, Akane and Nabiki had rarely walked together at all.
In a short time Nabiki would graduate, and then it would just
be Akane and Ranma. Time moved fast. But, for today, all three
sisters were together.
There was the jingle of a bicycle bell, and Shampoo rode past
them, scanning the crowd. Akane's heart skipped a beat -- the
uninhibited, purple-haired Chinese girl was the last thing they
needed -- but Shampoo barely glanced at Kasumi.
*Maybe she won't recognize her at all,* thought Akane.
Then, more sarcastically, she thought, *Maybe if Ranma wore a
dress and a hair-ribbon more often, he'd have less trouble with
fiancees...*
As they neared the school gate Shampoo circled around and
came back to them. She stopped her bike, miraculously without
destroying any walls or landing on top of anyone. "Akane Tendo,
you know where airen is?" she asked in broken Japanese.
Akane shrugged. "Haven't seen him," she said, but Shampoo
was neither as blind as Mousse nor as unobservant as Ryoga. She
focused on Kasumi, and her eyes went wide.
"Aiya! Ranma?"
Kasumi smiled. "Why hello, Shampoo! How are you today?"
Shampoo leapt from her bike and glomped onto Kasumi.
"Airen! You go on date with Shampoo now yes?"
"Oh, my!" Kasumi exclaimed. "Shampoo, I... I have school to
attend, I... could you possibly let go of me?"
Kasumi managed, with difficulty, to separated herself from
the overly affectionate Amazon. Nearby, Akane clenched her fists
and glowed with a brilliant blue aura. She wanted to hit someone
or something, but with Kasumi inhabiting Ranma's body, the only
viable target was Shampoo, and Akane knew better than to start
another fight with that girl.
"Shampoo," Kasumi said, straightening her dress, "I think it's
time we had a talk about girls hugging other girls..."
"What you talking about Ranma? Shampoo know you is no
girl!"
"Well..." Kasumi faltered. "That's true... I suppose... but even
so, when Ran... when I'm in my girl form, you should try to restrain
yourself. Not everyone knows that I'm not a girl, you know. Think
of how it appears to others."
"Why you dress like that, Ranma?" Shampoo asked, changing
the subject. "Is violent girl hit you on head again?"
"Violent!" Akane yelled, pounding her fist into the rock wall
next to her. Bits of rock flew everywhere as the wall collapsed.
"Who, exactly, are you calling violent?!?"
"Aiya," Shampoo said, staring at the demolished wall.
Suddenly she turned back to Kasumi. "Shampoo come to warn
you about Mousse," she said. "He train very hard in mountain for
two weeks. Now he is looking for you, Ranma. You be careful,
Mousse very strong this time, very hard to beat."
"Mousse is looking to fight Ranma?" Akane said. A huge
sweatdrop appeared on her head as she considered the
implications. *There's no way Kasumi can handle Mousse, even
on a good day. If he's had two weeks of training, then Kasumi's
dead meat. Our only chance is to avoid a confrontation
completely.*
"Ah!" Shampoo cried out. "Shampoo understand now! You
already hear of Mousse, yes? Is good disguise! Almost you fool
Shampoo!" She hugged Kasumi again, and Kasumi's face turned
very red. Then Shampoo stepped back, serious again. "Still, you
no hide from Mousse forever. Mousse very determined this time,
Ranma. You no hurt him too bad, okay?"
"I... I'm sure I'll manage that somehow," Kasumi said softly.
***
P-Chan squealed in delight, recognizing the Tendo Dojo.
He'd found it again! Oh, the heavens smiled on him when he was
able to find his way back to Akane so often! Grunting contentedly
to himself, he squeezed into the compound and trotted happily
towards the house.
Once inside, he proceeded with caution. Not only did he
become lost easily in the massive house, but he wanted to avoid
Ranma if he could. But all he saw was Kasumi, working in the
kitchen as usual. He grunted in satisfaction, located the staircase,
and trotted quickly towards it.
Steady footsteps followed him. He turned, and saw a hand
reaching out. The next thing he knew, he was dangling by his
collar before Kasumi's frowning face.
"Just where do you think you're going, Mr. pig?" Kasumi
asked. P-Chan squealed in confusion and alarm. Something
wasn't right!
"As if I didn't know," Kasumi continued, carrying him through
the living room and out into the back. "Well, sorry, Ryoga, but
you're not sleeping with my sister tonight."
P-Chan barely felt a thing as he was drop-kicked by the older
Tendo sister. He flew out over the houses of Nerima, his mind
stunned and confused. *Kasumi knows?* he thought. *But... but
how? And why was Kasumi, of all people, acting just like
Ranma?*
***
"Who's the new girl?" Hiroshi asked.
Daisuke shook his head. "I can't say, my friend, but she sure
is a sight for sore eyes!"
"What a babe! Have you ever seen her before, Kyosuke?"
"Never! I wouldn't forget a beautiful sight like that!"
The boys gathered in their homeroom at Furinkan High and
stared at the unknown red-headed girl. As the teacher called out
the student's names in turn, the boys whispered back and forth.
When the girl caught some of them looking her way, she gave
them a warm, radiant smile, and several boys nearly passed out on
the spot.
The girls, too, watched the new student, comparing her
stunning beauty and grace to their own and, without exception,
feeling slightly outclassed. Just who was this girl anyway?
"Ranma Saotome?" the teacher called out.
"Here!" Kasumi said. The entire room gasped, and as one
they turned to stare.
"Ranma?"
"That's Ranma?"
"That can't be Ranma, can it?"
"What a waste if he doesn't stay that way!"
In seconds every boy in the classroom was crowded around
Kasumi's desk, asking questions, offering her presents from their
desks or parts of their lunch. Kasumi was bewildered and
overwhelmed.
"Oh, how nice of you! You really shouldn't... my, how sweet!
Oh, I don't think I should, thank you so very much for offering!
Oh, would you look at that! Why, thank you! Hello again,
Daisuke, Hiroshi! Isn't class about to start?"
Meanwhile the girls in the classroom remained seated, but
had their own comments.
"Would you look at them? I can't believe it! Mooning over a
boy, of all things!"
"I knew Ranma was a little weird, but this..."
"And to think for a moment I actually thought she was pretty."
"Ranma, pretty? Don't make me laugh."
"Honestly, how long are they going to keep this up?"
"Akane seems remarkably calm, don't you think?"
"Yeah, Akane, what's up? Why is Ranma dressed like this?
Are you really going to ignore it all?"
"Why should it concern me?" Akane replied. As usual, there
was an undercurrent of anger in her voice, but a couple of the other
girls exchanged glances. Hadn't it sounded a little hollow, as if
Akane weren't really angry at all? What, exactly, was going on
here?
"Akane Tendo! You must date with me tonight!"
Kuno came charging across the room, a bouquet of flowers in
his hand, and the unusual was suddenly swept away by the all-too-
familiar. Kuno landed on one knee in front of Akane's desk and,
grabbing her hand, he planted a kiss upon it. "Oh beauteous
Akane, allow me to grace you with an evening as splendid as that
which I and the beautiful pig-tailed goddess..."
The soliloquy ended abruptly as satellite Kuno was once
again launched into orbit, this time via the second-story window.
Akane watched him sailing off. She looked suddenly perplexed.
"What was that he said about an evening with the pig-tailed
goddess..?" she wondered out loud.
Akane felt a hand on her shoulder, and turned to see Kasumi
eyeing her levelly. "Akane," her sister said, "was that really
necessary?"
***
Akane didn't learn the whole story until lunchtime, when she
and Kasumi happened across their sister, engaged in another of her
transactions with Kuno. Nabiki was so wrapped up in her
bargaining that she failed to notice Akane approaching her from
behind. Akane reached out and lifted a set of photographs from
Nabiki's hands.
"Hey!" Nabiki yelled, spinning about. "Give those back!
They're extremely valuable merchandise!"
"What is it this time, Nabiki?" Akane growled. "More lewd
photos of me working out? Maybe a shot of me getting dressed, or
even a bathroom shot? Oh..." Akane's eyes went wide, and she
looked directly at Kasumi. "This is you, isn't it? Eating dinner
with Kuno... holding hands... kissing him?!? I thought you were
out with Hiroshi and Daisuke!"
Kasumi's face turned red. "Oh, my... I thought I'd gotten rid
of those..."
Nabiki smirked. "Can I help it, sister, if you took the camera,
but not all my rolls of film? A girl's got to make a living you
know."
"Kasumi, how could you?" Akane said, hurt. "This isn't your
body you know, it's Ranma's! It's his life you're messing up, and
mi... and... Of all the people I might have expected this from, I
never would have thought..."
Kuno, ever aware of half the truth and no more than that,
placed one arm each over the shoulders of Akane and Kasumi.
"Now, girls," he said, "there's no need to argue. The great
Tatewaki Kuno is more than enough of a man for the both of y..."
"DO YOU MIND?!?" Akane yelled as she launched Kuno for
the second time that day. As she stood, huffing in anger, watching
Kuno's trajectory, Kasumi spoke again.
"I'm sorry, Akane, I know I was wrong, but... I don't know
what came over me. I..." her voice trailed off as she looked down
at her feet in shame.
Nabiki held out her hand. "If you're quite finished ruining my
transaction, Akane," she said icily, "I'd appreciate having those
back..."
"Not on your life!"
Nabiki frowned. "Fine, if that's the way you want it, I'll just
charge your account..."
"NABIKI!"
"Look, sis, I have the negatives. You'll only delay my sale by
a day, and force me to have new prints made..."
"AS IF I CARE ABOUT YOUR PETTY
INCONVENIENCES!" Akane yelled. She stalked off without
looking back.
Nabiki sighed, and glanced back at Kasumi. "That's Akane
for you," she said. "She'll calm down eventua...."
"Nabiki," Kasumi said levelly, and Nabiki thought she saw a
flash of anger in the red-head's eyes, "what I did was wrong, but
what you did was also wrong. And after I told you last night not to
do this! I... I don't even know what to say. I am very, very
disappointed in you."
A slight frown graced Nabiki's normally calm face as she
watched her elder sister disappear behind some trees. Nabiki was
never one to admit to any sort of deep emotion, but she had never
heard her older sister speak before in that tone of voice. Akane's
anger came and went as swiftly as the wind, and Nabiki could
weather it easily, but to hear the anger and hurt in Kasumi's voice
shook her to her core.
It was almost enough to keep her from selling the photos.
Almost.
*One percent each,* she thought, after a moment's reflection.
*They deserve that much, at least. And a half-percent for Akane as
well, but that's as much as I can offer...*
***
Growing up with his father, Ranma had learned simple
cooking out of necessity. Later he had learned quite a bit from his
mother, mostly while disguised as "Tendo Ranko", the supposed
niece. but even after his mother knew him as her son Ranma, she'd
continued to give him the occasional cooking lesson. Although
left unspoken, they both sensed that Ranma, after marriage, might
be forced to become the primary cook of his family -- assuming, of
course, that he married Akane.
Noon found Ranma in the kitchen, preparing lunch. Nodoka
was out shopping. She'd left the planning and preparation of lunch
up to Ranma, who'd decided on something that was not too
difficult but which she enjoyed eating. Without even realizing it,
she hummed to herself as she worked. She was having fun --
cooking was a great deal more engaging than cleaning or folding
laundry -- and looked forward to the reactions of her father and
Mr. Tendo.
"Hotcha! My favorite! Yakisoba, made by the loving hands of
Kasumi!"
Ranma spun around. Happosai stood on the table, shoveling
yakisoba noodles into his mouth as quickly as his hands could
move. Remembering her promise to Mr. Tendo, Ranma quelled
the urge to punch her diminutive master, and instead slammed a
pan down onto the table next to him.
"Hey!" Ranma yelled, "I'm not finished yet! Wait until I say
lunch is ready!"
Suddenly Happosai froze. The chopsticks fell from his
lifeless fingers as a look of horror crawled across his face.
"Kasumi! Your yakisoba.... it's... it's..." his hands went to his
throat.
"What?!? You don't like it? There's nothing wrong with it!
Or maybe you'd like some of Akane's cooking for comparison?"
"No," Happosai said, "that's not it, it's..." He looked up, tears
coming to his eyes. "Kasumi, this is merely good! What could
have possibly gone wrong? Your cooking has always been far
more than just good!"
Ranma's eyes narrowed. "Is that all? Well if you don't like it,
you don't have to eat it, you know. Nobody's forcing you."
"But Kasumi!" the man pleaded, "to not be completely
satisfied by your food... perhaps something's wrong with me!"
"Oh, really?" Ranma muttered under her breath, "what was
your first clue?" She carried the dishes out to the family room,
where Soun and Genma were hunched over their game board,
engaged in yet another fierce battle of, for lack of a better word,
wits. Happosai followed her and sat at the table dejectedly.
"I just don't get it," he muttered to himself. "How can I not
love Kasumi's cooking?"
"Lunch is ready," Ranma called out. "I hope you like it."
In a maneuver of astonishing agility, Genma used the
distraction to switch game pieces around and still arrived at the
table ahead of Soun. Ranma shook her head. *He really has all
the talent to be a truly great martial artist,* she thought. *If only
he weren't such a cowardly weasel.*
Genma dug in quickly, then beamed at his son-cum-daughter.
"Ranma, my boy, you've outdone yourself! And without any help
from Nodoka! If only you'd have learned to cook this well at a
younger age, our years of training might have passed more easily!"
Happosai looked about. "Ranma? Where do you see Ranma?
Are you feeling okay, Genma?"
"Master," Soun said, "your senses do not deceive you. Ranma
and Kasumi have, for the moment, switched places."
Happosai's eyes narrowed. He looked at Ranma, and then
back at Soun.
"Do you mean," he said, "that beautiful Kasumi here is really
my ungrateful student, Ranma?"
Soun nodded. "We're not exactly sure how it hap..."
"Ranchan!" Happosai exclaimed, making a leap directly for
Ranma's breasts.
There was a loud thump, and Happosai landed face-first in
Ranma's yakisoba. Ranma blinked. He hadn't moved a muscle... it
was Soun who had delivered the blow.
"Way to go, Mr. Tendo!" Ranma exclaimed. "You're finally
standing up to the freak!"
"Forgive me, Master," Soun said, hastily picking Happosai up
and dusting him off. "That's still the body of our beloved Kasumi.
I beg of you to treat it with respect, regardless of who inhabits it."
While Soun groveled before him, the little man sat on the
edge of the table and lit his pipe. "Okay, Soun," he said,
reflectively, "I'll let you off easy this one time. Still, this explains a
lot. I was afraid for a moment that I'd lost my ability to appreciate
fine cuisine, but knowing that this mess is Ranma's work..."
"Hey! There's nothing wrong with my cooking!"
"That's where you're wrong, boy!" Happosai countered.
"Kasumi's food exists on a completely different level from normal
cooking! Her creations are spiced with her love and happiness,
with her tenderness and compassion. It's no wonder this slop pales
by comparison!"
"Slop!" Ranma sputtered. "Spiced with compassion? Give
me a break!"
"Laugh if you want, Ranma," Happosai said, "but only a
woman with a pure heart could ever hope to equal Kasumi's
culinary skills."
"Is that so? We'll just see about that!"
"Son," Soun said, "the master is right. You cook very well,
but Kasumi has had years to hone her skills."
"You think I don't know that? All I'm saying is I can make a
meal that anyone can enjoy, and I don't need sweetness and love to
do it! Compassion isn't something you eat!"
"All right then!" Happosai said, jumping up on the table.
"You can be awfully headstrong, Ranma, but this time I'm taking
you down a peg or two! I accept your challenge! If you can create
a meal that even comes close to Kasumi's perfection, something
that even vaguely reminds me of her wonderful meals, then you
win!"
"You got it!"
"And I'm so certain that you'll fail, that if you win, I'll give
you that which I hold most dear! You can have every bra and
every panty that I've ever taken from Akane!"
"WHAT?!? Why would I ever... what makes you think... I
don't want..."
"Ranma," Soun said, stepping forward, "the Master rarely
makes so generous an offer. To refuse is to risk his wrath, and
none of us want that."
"Look, Mr. Tendo, I don't want ANY girl's underwear, and
especially not underwear from that kawaiikune tomboy!"
"Boy! Don't speak of your fiance that way!"
"Please, Ranma," Soun said, tears coming to his eyes, "don't
refuse the Master's kind offer... you have no idea how much money
I spend every month, keeping Akane supplied with underwear..."
Ranma's eyes went wide, and she glanced towards Happosai.
"Just how often does the freak steal from her anyway?"
"You ungrateful, snot-nosed brat! Are you gonna accept my
challenge, or not?"
"Fine by me," Ranma said. "But you can give the underwear
to Akane... I just want to hear you say you like my food!"
"It's a deal," Happosai said. "But should you lose, you'll be
wearing this!" From within his robe he produced a bra... the same
one he'd been trying to get Ranma to wear for months.
A sweatdrop appeared on Ranma's head. Considering that she
currently wore a bra, along with everything else Kasumi normally
wore, the threat from Happosai seemed rather out of place. She
managed to rally with a half-hearted growl. "You just never give
up, do you?"
"Don't do it, son!" Genma growled. "This isn't a battle you
can win."
Ranma was defiant. "I don't lose at nothing! Not even
cooking!"
"This isn't martial arts cooking you know!"
"Says you. I say 'anything goes' means 'anything goes'!" She
stomped off to the kitchen, muttering to herself about recipes and
compassion.
Genma sighed. "My own son, attempting to out-cook
Kasumi. Where did I go wrong, Tendo?"
"Perhaps, Saotome, it was that trip to China..."
Happosai sat back down. "Ha! The fool really thinks he can
cook like Kasumi. That'll be the day!"
"The boy's really lost it this time, Tendo. We need to switch
him and Kasumi back, quick."
"Now, how did this happen, exactly?" Happosai asked. "It's
not every day you have people switching bodies like that."
"It started with the Monkey Head-Butting Technique," Soun
said.
"The what?"
Quickly Soun filled the Master in on the previous day's
events. When they were done, Happosai scowled.
"What?" Happosai said. "Monkey Head-Butting Technique?
A powerful weapon of attack and defense? Don't make me laugh!
Who told you that load of crap? That sounds like one of Genma's
stories!"
A sweatdrop appeared on Genma's forehead.
"There's no such thing?" Soun said. His body began to radiate
a red battle aura.
"Tendo, I'm sure I can explain..."
"Saotome, you assured me that such a technique existed..."
With a loud splash, Genma upended a bucket of water over
his head. A moment later Mr. Panda stood there, holding a sign
that read, "Growf?"
"Saotome," Soun said, "don't make the mistake of thinking
you can get out of this one..."
"No," Happosai continued, "that technique was never meant
as a weapon of attack or defense... it's only purpose was to provide
the perfect disguise for sneaking into women's locker rooms..."
Soun paused and glanced back at his perverted Master. "Then
it really exists?" he asked.
"Growf?"
"Of course it exists!" Happosai said with authority. "I didn't
spend a good part of my youth chasing a dream you know! I
searched for years, scouring the land, until I finally claimed the
secrets of Monkey Head-Bashing for my own! Only then was I
satisfied!"
"Then you know the secret!" Soun cried happily. "You know
how to cure Kasumi! Why didn't you say so earlier?"
"Because," Happosai said, "I don't."
***
Now that she looked back on it, Akane could see that Ranma's
whole "Cat Tongue Pressure Point" episode had been a blessing in
disguise. For weeks Ranma had been forced to attend school as a
girl, to wear a girl's swimsuit or gym outfit during p.e. He'd
managed to avoid wearing the girl's school uniform, but only
barely. Still, people were used to seeing Ranma as a girl, and
while Kasumi had caused quite a stir this morning by the way she'd
dressed and acted, it was quickly forgotten. People weren't
shocked, and they weren't gossiping... at least, no more than they
usually did.
As Ranma-chan had done, Kasumi wore a girl's gym outfit
and joined the other girls playing softball. Kasumi played well.
>From what Akane could remember, her sister had never been very
good at the sport. *There's my theory again,* she thought.
*Kasumi seems to be reacting with Ranma-chan's instincts and
reflexes.*
"Ranma Saotome! Prepare to die!"
The challenge rang out across the softball field, and Akane
looked up to see Mousse, in his usual flowing white robe, hurling
threats and invectives at a nearby shrub.
"Oh, look! It's that strange Chinese boy!" Sayuri said.
"What's he doing talking to that bush?" Yuka added. "How
odd!"
As Mousse adjusted his glasses and stared closely at the bush,
a crowd of boys and girls gathered around Kasumi. Everyone
knew what was coming; challenges to Ranma had become a
weekly event at the school, and were, in fact, quite anticipated.
The battles were often spectacular, and there was always the
outside chance that the unthinkable would happen, that Ranma
would lose... after all, pigs were often seen flying through the
Nerima skies.
Mousse, his glasses balanced atop his head, walked straight
up to Kasumi. For a moment Akane wondered if he'd actually
done the unthinkable and picked Ranma out of the crowd -- on a
day when not another soul in the entire school had managed to.
But then Mousse spoke.
"Excuse me Miss, have you seen Ranma Saotome?"
"Not since this morning," Kasumi said.
"Ranma's not here, Mousse," Akane chimed in, stepping
forward. There would be a way out of this yet!
"Ranma?" Hiroshi said, not to be denied a ringside seat at
another spectacular match. "What do you mean, he's right there in
front of you!"
Akane shot Hiroshi a withering glare, which he failed to
notice. Mousse adjusted his glasses and looked closer at Kasumi.
"Ranma? Is that you? Why are you dressed like a girl?"
"Why, because I am a girl," Kasumi replied. "At least, for the
moment."
The vision-impaired boy jumped back and assumed a fighting
stance. "Never mind, you pervert! I've come to defeat you and
win back the hand of my beloved Shampoo!"
"Win back?" Hiroshi said. "Doesn't that mean he had to have
it in the first place?"
"That's the usual meaning," Daisuke replied. The other
students nodded in agreement.
"Shut up!" Mousse yelled. "Ranma, prepare to die!"
"I'm pretty sure he said that already," Yuka said.
Mousse moved to attack Kasumi. "NO!" Akane shouted,
jumping between the two. From nowhere she produced a mallet,
swinging it in a wide arc that intersected with Mousse's face,
seperating him from his glasses, and his feet from the ground.
"Akane!" Daisuke said. "This is a fight between two men!
No fair interrupting!"
"Two men?" Akane fired back. She jabbed a finger at
Kasumi. "Does that look like a man to you?"
"Well, it's Ranma, after all..."
Mousse leapt to his feet. "I agree! This fight is between
Ranma and I! Ranma, tell your woman to stay out of it!"
"My... woman?" Kasumi repeated doubtfully.
There was another flash of the mallet, and Mousse was again
stretched out on the playing field.
"Akane, stop it! We want to see a fight!"
"Come on, Mousse!" Akane growled. "It's the middle of
school! At least issue a formal challenge! Name the time and
place and we'll be there... but you can't just fight right here during
school!"
Hiroshi frowned. "I thought they did that all the time."
"Me too," Daisuke added.
"Very well," Mousse said, drawing himself up and adjusting
his glasses once more. "Ranma Saotome, I formally challenge you
for the right to pursue Shampoo! The fight shall be held..."
"...next month!" Akane interjected.
Mousse looked at her blankly. "Next month? Very well,
Akane, if you insist, then so it shall be. And given that today is the
twenty-ninth, that means that our fight shall commence this
Saturday!"
"Uh..." Akane said, "Saturday? Did I say Saturday?"
"The date is set! Ranma, meet me at noon here on the school
grounds. You'd better show up! Be prepared to die!"
"He keeps saying that," Daisuke said, as Mousse bounded
away.
"Such a strange boy," Yuka agreed.
"It's sad, really," Sayuri added, "talking to bushes, and always
repeating himself. Do you think he even realizes it?"
***
END PART THREE
Remember, if the world hands you lemons, fight back! Write
something different!
Enjoy! And if you don't, write me anyway!
M.A. Davis aka "Miko"
belldandy@angelic.com
http://listen.to/bell/
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From: bellchan89@my-dejanews.com
Newsgroups: rec.arts.anime.creative
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Monkey Head Butting 4 of 9
Monkey Head Butting!
m a davis/miko belldandy@angelic.com
Previous chapters at:
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Characters are copyright Takahashi Rumiko, no infringement
intended. This is a fan work only, not for profit.
Monkey Head Butting
PART FOUR
***
In the afternoon Nabiki stood with her friends and co-
conspirators in the shadow of the school gates. Students filed out
the front doors, chatting and saying goodbye to each other for
another day. She overheard snatches of conversation about the
Mousse-Ranma fight planned for Saturday, and she didn't fail to
notice that everyone expected another Ranma victory.
Nabiki smiled.
"So," she said, "will you two be there this evening?"
The two -- Midori and Kyoko -- nodded. "What's up?" Midori
asked.
"Knowing you, this is more than a simple shopping trip,"
Kyoko added.
"Quite," Nabiki responded, "but first, we have business to
discuss."
The other two nodded. "The fight."
"Yes, the fight."
"We've got two days to get all the betting lined up," Midori
said.
"Thanks to the intervention of your sister Akane," Kyoko
added. "Did you pay her to do that?"
"Didn't have to," Nabiki replied. "There was no time. We
were just lucky."
Kyoko nodded. "Well? How high does the handicap have to
be this time to draw any bets on Mousse?"
Nabiki smiled slowly.
"I really don't care, Kyoko. Why not use the same hadicap as
last time?"
"What? If you do that, Nabiki, then all of the betting will be
on Ranma."
"Exactly. Take every bet you can get on him."
The girl's eyes narrowed. "How are we going to cover all of
those bets? I know you made a killing with Kuno today..."
"Thanks to the miracle of duplicate photos," Nabiki said.
"...but really, Nabiki, do you want to throw it all out the
window so quickly? Or do you really think duck-boy has a
chance?"
"He's got more than a chance," Nabiki said. "He's a lock to
win. This time, Ranma's going down."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Nabiki," Midori said, "I thought you learned a long time ago
not to go against Ranma in a fight. He never loses. Or do you
have a plan?"
"Trust me on this one, girls. This time is going to be
different."
"She's got a plan, alright."
"I should have known. What is it?"
"Wait! Something's wrong with Ranma, isn't it?"
Nabiki just smiled.
"I knew it! He's stuck as a girl again isn't he? That's why he's
been attending school as a girl!"
"Stuck as a girl?" Midori said. "Hmmm, interesting, but as I
recall, he still beat Mousse the first time as a girl..."
"Just barely, and only because Tofu-Sensei intervened and
turned him back to a man."
"You're right, I remember now. We'll have to keep the good
Sensei busy this time around."
"I'm way ahead of you," Nabiki said. "It is important to keep
Tofu-Sensei out of this -- but not for the reasons you think."
"Something else then?" Kyoko said. "Well, it doesn't matter,
Nabiki, we trust your judgement by now. If you say Ranma's going
to lose, then we believe you."
"Okay," Midori said, "there's a rumor that Mousse has been
training, so we play that up. We lower the odds because of it,
which just gets more people to bet on Ranma -- as if anyone's
going to bet against him after all this time. When he loses, we
make a killing!"
"I just don't know," Kyoko said. It sounds good, but what if
Ranma gets better somehow? He always seems to do that at the
last possible moment."
"You leave that part to me," Nabiki said. "I'll guarantee that
Ranma won't be cured before Saturday evening. Now, about
tonight -- and this relates directly to the fight -- I have to warn
you..."
***
"I'm so sorry Kasumi. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Akane, you've said that about twenty times now. Of course I
forgive you."
Classes were over, and most of the students had left. Desks
were shoved aside with loud scrapes and clinks, and brooms
kicked up dust motes which danced in the slanting sunlight
streaming through the windows. Akane and Kasumi gathered their
books and headed out into the hallway.
"But the fight!" Akane said. "I set you up for a match with
Mousse! I don't know what I was thinking!"
"He was going to fight me anyway, Akane," Kasumi replied.
"I'm sure you were just trying to avoid an immediate confrontation.
But this was bound to happen eventually; I can't pretend to be
Ranma forever without getting into a fight."
"But Kasumi! You can't fight Mousse!"
"I know," Kasumi said. "At least it's not for two days. This
way, there's time for Ranma-kun and I to switch back. Once that's
done, I'm sure Ranma-kun can handle Mousse no matter how much
special training he's done."
"If we find a cure, Kasumi, if. What if we don't?"
Kasumi smiled. "Oh, Akane, don't worry so much! Ranma
always finds a solution! Why don't we stop by Dr. Tofu's on the
way home?"
Akane nodded. "I'm sure he's found something by now."
They met their sister at the gate. For once, Nabiki smiled --
which in Akane's book was never a good thing.
"Akane, thanks for your help today!" Nabiki said. "You were
a godsend!"
"Well," Akane replied, "I was just trying to keep Mousse from
attacking Kasumi..."
"Don't I know it. If he had attacked right there and then, I
wouldn't have been able to arrange a single bet. Now, with two
days to work with..."
"NABIKI!" Akane yelled, "Kasumi could get hurt! Is making
money all you can think about?"
"Kasumi, get hurt?" Nabiki said skeptically. "I think not.
Look, all Kasumi has to do is show up for the fight and then
forfeit. I'll make my money, Kasumi won't get hurt, and we'll all
be happy. I'll be sure to put in a forfeit non-refund clause in my
contracts..."
"Oh, Nabiki," Kasumi said, "must you always be so
mercenary?"
Nabiki frowned. "Sis, it's not like the dojo makes a great deal
of money, you know. Father's few students and Mr. Saotome's
excuse for a day job barely pay for meals, let alone repairs. If
Ranma and Mr. Saotome are going to keep freeloading and
causing damage to the dojo, then I'm going to keep making as
much money as I can off of Ranma's fights and off of Kuno-baby's
addictions. Anyway, I'm having a lot of fun doing it."
"Oh, and if some of that money goes to new clothes and
things for yourself, that's okay too?" Akane said.
Nabiki shrugged. "A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do."
"Sorry to disappoint you," Akane said, "but don't expect
Kasumi to be the one in Ranma's body come Saturday. We're
going to check in with Tofu-Sensei right now. I'm sure he'll find a
way to fix this mess -- if he hasn't already."
"Really?" Nabiki said. "Well, you two run along then, and I'll
catch up to you at the Clinic. I have a phone call to make first."
***
As Nabiki approached Doctor Tofu's Clinic, she could see
Kasumi -- make that Ranma, in Kasumi's body -- coming towards
her from the opposite direction. She winced. Ranma ran,
something that Kasumi never, never did. Someone really needed
to talk to that boy... girl... whatever.
Reaching her, Ranma said, "Nabiki! I got here as soon as I
could!" She was breathing heavily from the run.
"Good," Nabiki said. "If Tofu-Sensei's come up with
anything, I'm sure you don't want to miss it."
Inside the clinic, Mr. Panda swept the floor. In the next room,
they could hear Doctor Tofu talking with Akane and Ranma-chan -
- make that Kasumi in Ranma-chan's body.
"A book?" Doctor Tofu said. "Really? No offense, Ranma,
I'm happy to lend you anything, but are you actually going to read
it?"
The door to the next room was closed. As Ranma reached to
open it, Nabiki placed a hand on her shoulder. "Wait a moment,"
she said. "You don't want to just barge in, it wouldn't be polite.
Let's stay out here and listen first."
"Don't be silly, Tofu-Sensei!" It was Kasumi speaking. "Of
course I'm going to read it! Why would I ask to borrow it
otherwise?"
"Well, okay, then, Ranma, go ahead and borrow it. Oh, I
almost forgot! Take this book here as well. Ka-Ka-Kasumi called
today and wanted to borrow it. Could you give it to her?"
"Culinary Secrets Of Ancient China?" Kasumi replied. "Oh,
didn't I... that is, didn't Kasumi borrow this just a month ago?"
"Yes, she did," Doctor Tofu said. "I'm surprised you
remember that, Ranma. I don't really know why she wants to
borrow it again, but she wanted books on specialized cooking
techniques, and this is the only one I have..."
Nabiki glanced at Ranma, her eyes narrowing. What was
Ranma up to now? It was becoming increasingly difficult for her
to keep track of everything going on in the dojo. Above all, Nabiki
feared lack of knowledge, for knowledge equalled control, and
control was the key to being successful. She was going to have to
find out what this was about, soon.
How to do that? Well, if all else failed, she could probably
just ask, but that was hardly any fun...
She turned her attention back to the conversation in the next
room. Akane described what had happened to Ranma and Kasumi
-- without actually mentioning who it had happened to, Nabiki
noted. Her youngest sister wasn't entirely stupid.
"Hmm," Doctor Tofu said, "I've done a little research since
yesterday. What you're describing sounds like the legendary
"Monkey Head-Bashing" technique."
"What?" Akane said. "You mean there really is a stupid
technique like that?"
There were the sounds of movement. Nabiki could imagine
Doctor Tofu walking to his bookshelves and running a hand along
the spines of the books. "I read about it somewhere, a long time
ago. I hadn't gotten that far in my research yet, but it must have
been... no... ah, here it is. Yes, this is the book."
"You really mean that, Sensei? You can duplicate the
technique?"
"Yes. This book describes the process exactly. Now, what
page was that on?"
Nabiki took her hand off of Ranma's shoulder. "You hear
that?" she said, "Doctor Tofu's got a cure! That sounds like your
cue, Ranma-kun."
Ranma needed no encouragement. She flung the door open.
"Tofu-Sensei? Is this true? Can you really cure us?"
The Doctor looked up, book in hand. His glasses instantly
fogged over. "Ka... Ka... Kasumi! What an amazing coincidence
that we should meet here, of all places!"
Ranma stepped back. "Whoops," she muttered. "I forgot..."
There was a shredding sound as the book in Dr. Tofu's hands
was ripped and torn to pieces.
"AAAAAAAIGH!" Ranma screamed.
Nabiki held her hand up.
"Wait, Ranma, don't go in there," she said, as if reciting a
script. "Oops, too late. Oh well, what's a girl to do? I tried to stop
her..."
***
Ranma and the entire Tendo clan gathered in the family room
at home. There was a lot to talk about. During the story of
Mousse's attempted attack, and subsequent challenge, Soun nearly
lost it. Then came the story of the incident at Doctor Tofu's
clinic...
"It's my fault," Nabiki said generously. "When I realized what
was going on, I tried to stop her, but..."
"Don't blame yourself, Nabiki," Soun said. "This whole
situation has all of us confused."
"But," Akane said, "Tofu-Sensei said the "Monkey Head-
Bashing" technique actually exists! That means there's a way to
figure this out yet!"
Soun nodded his head. "The Master said as much earlier
today. He knew the secret, once, but he's spent the rest of his life
forgetting it. He said something like, 'a technique like that is
dangerous' and 'you think I want to get stuck in someone else's
body? Think again!'"
"Well, that's true enough," Akane replied. "I know I'm not
eager to switch bodies with anyone."
"Why not?" Ranma countered. "Switching into my body
would certainly improve your looks."
"RANMA!" Akane yelled, jumping to her feet. Soun leapt to
her side, grabbing her arms.
"No! Remember, no one is to hit Kasumi's body!"
Akane sighed, and nodded. "That hardly seems fair, though,"
she said, sitting down.
"Now," Soun said, "as for this fight you accidentally arranged,
if a cure cannot be found before Saturday, then Kasumi will have
to forfeit."
"Forfeit!" Ranma yelled, leaping to his feet. "But that would
mean Mousse would win!"
"I understand that," Soun replied, "but Kasumi..."
"No," Ranma said. "First of all, Mousse is a martial artist.
He's honorable; he won't just accept a forfeit."
"I don't know about that, Ranma," Akane said. "Mousse has
always seemed willing to do anything to reach his goal. If it means
getting Shampoo, I don't think there's anything too low for him to
stoop to."
"Don't worry, Kasumi," Ranma said, completely ignoring
Akane's words. "I'll help you train for this."
"Ranma!" Akane yelled. "We don't want Kasumi fighting at
all!"
"Well," Ranma said, "it won't hurt to train. I want her to keep
my body in good shape after all."
"Actually," Kasumi said, "a little training would be kind of
fun. I did some of your katas this morning, and it felt good. And
Ranma's right, I should keep her body in shape for as long as I'm in
it."
Soun nodded. "That sounds good," he said. "You know, I
was always a little disappointed that you and Nabiki stopped
practicing. Training with Ranma will help in your attempt to act
and sound like him. In the meantime, Saotome and I will try to
find out more about how to switch you and Ranma back. If it can't
be done by Saturday, you can still forfeit the match."
"She's not going to forfeit the match!" Ranma said forcefully.
"We're going to find out how to switch back before that!"
"Ranma!" Akane yelled. "You aren't concerned about Kasumi
at all! All you're concerned about is your precious reputation, and
your so-called engagement with that Chinese bimbo!"
"I didn't say that!"
"Ranma-kun, is this true?" Soun said darkly.
"Hey! Shampoo's got nothing to do with this!" Ranma sat
back down. "Just get me back in my own body, okay? Let me take
on Mousse. I can handle him."
Akane glared at Ranma in anger, then her face suddenly
brightened. She looked past Ranma, to the side of the room which
opened onto the koi pond. "Oh, look!" she exclaimed, "It's P-
Chan!"
Squealing in delight, the tiny black pig with the black and
yellow bandana made a careful detour around Ranma and then ran
to Akane's outstretched arms.
"Great," Ranma said. "Just what we need."
"Ranma, be nice!"
"Hey P-Chan," Ranma said. "Where have you been
wandering lately? You get lost in Australia again?"
"Australia?" Akane said. "What are you talking about? How
could he get to Australia? He's just a pig, Ranma! It's not like he's
Ryoga or anything!"
"If you say so," Ranma replied, pointedly looking away.
Akane hugged the pig to her chest. "Oh, P-Chan, I've missed
you so! Have you been a good boy? We'll find something for you
to eat right away!"
The pig watched Ranma and Kasumi very intently. *Well,
what do you know?* Ranma thought, *I do believe pig-boy has
figured it out, after all...*
"When do you want to train?" Kasumi asked Ranma. "Dinner
isn't for a couple of hours yet."
Ranma shrugged. "We can start anytime," he said.
"Don't forget, Ranma-kun," Nabiki said, "I promised to take
you shopping."
"Oh, yeah," Ranma said. "Well, okay, as long as it doesn't
take too long..."
"Ranma! You just said you'd help Kasumi train!"
"That's okay, Akane," Kasumi said. "I'm sure you and father
can help. It's not as if Ranma's the only martial artist in the dojo,
you know, and I do have a lot to learn."
***
Nabiki and Ranma rode the subway into downtown Tokyo.
That, in itself, was an amazing thing, since it had never happened
before. But then, Ranma had never been trapped in Kasumi's body
before, which allowed for all sorts of interesting things to happen.
Or so thought Nabiki Tendo. Her wallet was fat with Kuno's
money, she looked forward to an even bigger payday Saturday, and
she was in an unusually upbeat mood. Anything was possible on a
night like tonight, and whatever it might be, she'd have it on film.
Nabiki had dressed sharply for the trip into town. Ranma, on
the other hand, wore one of Kasumi's around-the-house dresses,
minus the apron. Nabiki shook her head. The boy was hopeless.
"Thanks for doing this, Nabiki," Ranma said. She played with
the hem of her dress nervously, her eyes darting about the train, as
if someone might appear at any moment, point at her, and yell, 'It's
Ranma in a dress! Everybody, look!"
Nabiki smiled. Ranma was such an insecure girl/boy, and so
much fun to tease.
"Hey, no problem at all, Ranma-kun. Anything for my
favorite would-be brother/sister-in-law. I know this whole
situation must be hard on you."
"To tell you the truth, Nabiki, I'm a little bit surprised that you
would do this for me. Especially without charging me for it.'
Nabiki feigned shock. "Ranma, what do you take me for? I'm
hardly as mercenary as people seem to think. Sometimes I do
things just because I want to. It makes me feel good to be able to
help you out, and it should be fun as well."
*And I made a killing with pictures of your body today,* she
thought to herself. *You still don't know that you dated and even
kissed Kuno only last night.*
For a moment, Nabiki contemplated what might happen when
Ranma did find out. That was reason enough to be nice to Ranma,
to put Ranma a little in her debt. Nabiki would be better able to
defend herself when the time came. In any case, she'd vowed to
give Ranma one percent of the day's profits, so it was hardly like
she was spending her own money.
Their stop rang out as the train came to another halt. They
got off and headed up to street level.
"Anyway, Nabiki, I really appreciate this..."
"Nabiki! Kasumi!"
Two sharply-dressed young women stood on the street corner,
waving. Ranma groaned as he recognized the two as Nabiki's
school friends, Midori and Kyoko.
"What are you two doing here in downtown Tokyo?" Midori
said. "Shopping?"
Nabiki nodded. "Just a short trip to pick up some new clothes
for my sister."
"Really? Mind if we tag along?"
"Um..." Ranma began. This was exactly what she'd feared
would happen if she tried to go out in public as Kasumi.
"No problem!" Nabiki said. "Sis, you know my two friends,
Kyoko and Midori? Of course you do!"
"S-Sure..." Ranma said, a sweatdrop appearing at the side of
her head.
Kyoko eyed her critically. "My, Kasumi, new clothes? I
guess I can see why. Is that the best dress you have? You should
dress up more for a trip downtown, don't you think?"
"Um..."
"Well," Nabiki said, "Oneechan has dresses, but none that she
felt like wearing..."
"Oh, that's too bad!" Midori said. "Lots of clothing, but
nothing to wear? I know how you feel! A new dress will help,
definately. We'll help you find one that's just right!"
"Actually, I..."
"That wasn't what we had planned," Nabiki said, "but you're
right, Kasumi really deserves something nicer to wear. What the
heck, Sis, go for it."
"I really don't think we can afford to..."
"Don't worry, Sis! It's my treat, remember? You just relax,
smile and look pretty, and let Midori, Kyoko and I take care of
everything."
Nabiki smiled to herself. Yes, it was true: not everything she
did was for profit. Some things she did simply for the
entertainment value, and the evening promised to be entertaining
indeed.
***
"We should train as if you're really going to fight Mousse,"
Akane said. She stood, opposite Kasumi, dressed in her yellow gi.
Kasumi, wearing Ranma's red Chinese top and black pants,
watched her younger sister uncertainly.
"Fight Mousse?" she said. "I don't know, Akane... fighting is
just so... so violent!"
"Oneechan, I know you're not really going to fight him,"
Akane said, "but it's good to have a goal in mind while training.
Anyway, training will benefit Ranma's body. Once you switch
back with Ranma, he's going to have to face Mousse, so we want
his body to be ready for that. Okay?"
Kasumi nodded uncertainly.
"Okay, then! Prepare yourself!"
Akane advanced and threw several quick, light punches,
which Kasumi dodged easily. Akane frowned. "Not bad, Sis," she
said, and redoubled her efforts, throwing punches that actually had
some speed and strength behind them. Again Kasumi dodged
them, just as Ranma might have.
Akane paused, watching her sister. "Sis, how are you doing
that? You've never learned to dodge like that!"
"I don't know, Akane," Kasumi said. "I'm just doing what
seems the most natural. It just comes to me, almost before I see
your attack."
"Those are Ranma's reflexes," Akane said. "Hmmm, I wonder
how much of Ranma's skill you really have access to?"
"I have no idea, but when I practiced this morning, I found
myself doing some of Ranma's own kata. I've never studied more
than the simple ones that Father taught me."
"Okay," Akane said, "I'm going to try and hit you for real.
We'll see how good you really are. Ready?"
Kasumi nodded.
The punches and kicks came fast and furious. Akane had
been sparring with Ranma for a while now, and had been
improving steadily. She was still a fighter with more brute
strength than finese, and she would never be as fast as Ranma, but
she was becoming very, very good, maybe even good enough to
surprise Ukyo, or Kodachi, or perhaps even Shampoo.
She liked to think so, at least.
Amazingly, Kasumi was able to dodge or block almost every
blow. Akane landed a couple of punches, and then a solid kick
slipped through her sister's defenses and Kasumi went flying.
"Oneechan! Are you okay?"
Kasumi winced as she sat up, rubbing her side. Then she
gave a sudden and very warm smile. "Wow, Akane, that was fun!
I almost felt like I knew what I was doing, like a real martial
artist!"
"Kasumi," Akane said, "Ranma would have blocked
everything. On the other hand, you're already fighting as if you've
studied for several years. I don't know quite how you do it, but I'm
really impressed."
"As am I," a powerful voice said. "But that's not good
enough, if you're going to face Mousse."
Akane glanced at the entrance to the dojo. "Ryoga!" She
exclaimed.
The itinerant martial artist inclined his head. "Good evening,
Akane, Miss Kasumi. If you and Akane don't mind, I think I could
be of some help."
Akane's eyes boggled. "You know?"
"Never mind how I know," Ryoga said. "If Kasumi is going
to fight Mousse, then she's going to need my help. Mousse is an
exceptional opponent, and while Kasumi may have Ranma's
strength and speed, she has none of his knowledge or experience."
"She's not actually going to fight him, you know," Akane said.
"Perhaps," Ryoga admitted, "but as long as she's in that body,
she's in danger of being drawn into a fight. It's best to be
prepared."
He stepped into the dojo, walking easily, and took a position
opposite Kasumi. "Would you allow me to train you, Tendo
Kasumi?" he asked.
***
"You can't seriously expect me to wear that," Ranma said.
"Not even for a moment."
Ranma was in a changing booth in an upscale department
store, wearing nothing but socks and underwear. Outside the
booth stood Nabiki Tendo, holding up a strapless evening dress of
silk and crushed velvet.
"Why not?" Nabiki replied. "Isn't it beautiful?"
"I'm not going to buy it, that's why!"
"Tsk, tsk. Isn't it fun to try on something luxurious that you
know you can't afford? Please, Kasumi Oneechan, just let us see
you in it for a few moments."
Nabiki glanced over her shoulder, where her two friends
stood waiting. Ranma ground her teeth slowly. "Is this something
Kasumi would do?" he whispered, knowing the answer.
"You got it, Sis."
"I gotta do it because Kasumi would do it, then?"
"My, what a sharp mind you have!"
Ranma glared at Nabiki, saying nothing.
Two or three dozen outfits later (at least, it seemed like that
many), Ranma was ready to give up on the promised pants, if only
she could get out of this impromptu fashion show. She stepped
back into the booth and got undressed yet again, but when she
looked around for the dress she'd worn into the store, it was
nowhere to be seen.
She peeked through the curtain. Nabiki and the budding
fashion critics were busy selecting yet another ensemble for her to
try on.
"Hey!" Ranma called out. "What did you do with my clothes?
I'm tired of playing fashion model."
"Your clothes?" Midori feigned innocence.
"Come, Kasumi," Kyoko said. "How do you expect to attract
any attention in that frumpy old thing? No wonder you don't have
a husband yet!"
"Husband! I'm not trying to attract..."
"Kasumi Oneechan," Nabiki said, "the girls have a point. I
really can't let my own sister walk around town like that, can I?"
"Like what?"
"Come on, Kasumi, we're out on the town. You need to wear
something a little more interesting than what you wear around the
house."
"Look, Kasumi," Nabiki said, "I don't want to hold my own
sister hostage, but you're not getting your own clothes back until
we get home. Either you walk out of here with only what you have
on now, or you pick out something more appropriate for downtown
shopping. Something dressy, but not too frilly, mind you. Okay?"
***
Ryoga sat on the floor of the dojo, rubbing his chin. Kasumi
and Akane hovered over him protectively.
"I'm so sorry, Ryoga!" Kasumi said. "I don't even know how
or why I did that! Are you okay?"
Ryoga laughed.
"That's the same punch Ranma always used to nail me with,"
he said. "I should have blocked it, but I didn't really expect it to
come from you. My fault, of course." He got back up and shook
himself. "I'm fine, Kasumi," he said. "It takes a great deal more
than one lucky punch to keep me down. But I see what Akane was
saying about you having Ranma's reflexes. With enough training,
you might become nearly as good as Ranma was. I'd be willing to
bet that, in time, you could make Ranma's instincts your own; all
you'd really lack is the head-knowledge."
"Do you really think so?" Kasumi asked, wonderingly. She
stared at her hands for a moment, forming two fists with them. "I
wonder..."
"Unfortunately," Ryoga said, "we've only got two days. Since
it's best to assume that you might have to fight Mousse, let's
concentrate on what you need to be able to do to defeat him, or at
least, to hold your own."
"Oh... okay."
"For starters," Ryoga said, "I... ah, Miss Kasumi, I... well, I
mean, you won't be able to defeat Mousse at all as a woman."
"Oh. Oh, I... see."
"Sis, it's true," Akane said. "Even Ranma couldn't do it. His
first encounter with Mousse was during the time he had the full-
bodied cat-tongue pressure point applied by Cologne. If it weren't
for Tofu-Sensei, who applied a temporary counter-pressure point,
Ranma would have lost!"
"I see," Kasumi said. "I remember, now that you mention it.
Well, I guess that can't be helped, then. But do I have to train as a
man? I'm not sure if I'm ready for that, yet, and I... I mean, I'm not
really going to fight Mousse, am I?"
"That remains to be seen," Ryoga said. "It's probably best if
you didn't, to be honest; he'd probably take you apart. But all we're
concerned with at the moment is training, and at some point you'll
need to train in Ranma's male body, just so you get a feeling for
the differences in strength and balance. But for what I need to
show you now, I think you'll be just fine as is."
***
Nabiki stared at the bags swinging from Ranma's hands,
wondering about the book.
She'd spent rather more than she'd intended, but Ranma had
actually been a pretty good sport back in the department store, so
Nabiki had felt guilty and splurged a little. Along with the lovely
lavender dress that Ranma currently wore, Nabiki had paid for a
second dress, two pairs of nice, feminine pants, three tops, and a
pair of loose, wide-legged shorts. Add in a stop at an ice cream
parlor (which had cheered Ranma up considerably) and the book,
and Nabiki could literally feel the yen slipping through her fingers.
And she'd felt so rich only two hours ago. Well, Ranma would be
in her debt big-time now, and that was always a useful thing.
The book. Ranma had insisted on picking it up, and Nabiki,
still feeling a bit guilty, had agreed to pay for it. It was a
cookbook, and not a simple one either, but one with some rather
elaborate recipes. Nabiki frowned. Ranma was still operating
under the mistaken impression that Midori and Kyoko didn't know
who she really was, but buying a cookbook was taking the Kasumi
act just a little bit too far. She'd borrowed that odd cookbook from
Doctor Tofu as well. Once again, Nabiki sensed that she was in
the dark about something big, and vowed to uncover this latest
secret.
"Hey, look!" Midori said. "It's that new upscale bath house!
Ooh, do you think we have time to go in?"
A smile began to spread across Nabiki's face.
"I don't see why not," she replied. "Nodoka and Akane are
making dinner tonight, so we're not in any real hurry."
"I don't think..." Ranma began.
"Oh, come on, Kasumi," Kyoko said. "When's the last time
you were in a public bath? At least, when that dirty old man wasn't
there too?"
"Please, Kasumi," Midori chimed in. "It'll be fun! It's
supposed to be really spectacular inside too!"
"But I don't really want to..."
"Come on, Kasumi Oneechan, it's only for a short time,"
Nabiki said.
Nabiki could see the look of desperation in Ranma's eyes, but
after having paid for all those clothes, two parfaits, and a rather
expensive cookbook, she felt less generous. She'd brought Ranma
downtown to have some fun, and the small amount of teasing she
and her friends had had in the department store was really not
enough. True, the money came from the sale of pictures of
Ranma, but Nabiki felt she was owed a bit more entertainment for
her yen.
Not that this would be half the entertainment of a Ranma-
Happosai bath-fu rumble, mind you, but you just didn't get that
kind of entertainment every day, even at the Tendo-ke.
*Besides,* she thought, *this took too much work to set up.*
She'd had to convince her two friends that A) Ranma currently
really was 100% female, B) Ranma had been female so often that
she hardly reacted to the sight of naked female flesh in the manner
of a typical teenage boy, and C) Ranma would be more
embarassed than any of them, far too embarassed, really, to notice
them at all.
"Please, Kasumi Oneechan," Nabiki said. "Don't ruin the
evening for the rest of us. I've done several favors for you already
today; the least you could do is go along on this one little request.
Besides, it's nothing you haven't done before, you know."
Before Ranma could think of a good response to that one, The
three girls had steered her inside.
***
Kasumi entered the bathroom, sweat dripping from her brow.
What a workout that had been! Her entire body was drained of
energy, sore, and bruised, but despite all of that she felt pretty
good.
*How strange! Is this what Akane and Ranma feel like every
night?*
She'd sparred with Akane, and then with Ryoga. It was clear
that Ryoga, especially, had pulled his punches. Still, Kasumi had
managed to do pretty well, in her own estimation. The correct
dodges and blocks came to her naturally, without even thinking, as
they probably did for Ranma-kun himself.
Despite her tired limbs, Kasumi felt a power and a confidence
unlike anything she'd experienced before. She felt good. She felt
wonderful, in fact.
Kasumi would never have admitted it to anyone, but
sometimes she watched Akane, or especially, Ranma, and wished
that she could do some of the things they did. To be a martial
artist... she'd quit training years ago, while she still young. Even
then it had been obvious that Akane was the best martial artist of
the three Tendo girls, and would be the one to carry on the Tendo
legacy, while Kasumi had already taken to following her mother
everywhere and attempting to do everything her mother did.
Training became boring, a chore that Father forced her to do, and
she worried about being too violent; it wasn't in her nature to be
that way. Then she had became, at still a young age, not only a
full-time student but also the woman of the household, the
substitute mother. School, homework, cooking and cleaning left
her no time to train.
She enjoyed keeping the house running, keeping it tidy, taking
care of everyone, cooking for them, making them happy. But a
small part of her, very small, regretted not continuing in the art.
Now, through some weird fluke of magic or esoteric martial
arts, she was the martial artist a part of her had wished to become.
She was no real match for Akane, let alone Ryoga or Mousse, but
they were all quite exceptional, and already Kasumi was nearly at
their level. She was a far better martial artist than anyone with her
meager training had a right to be.
How much better could she become? Good enough to hold
her own, at least defensively, in a fight? Not that she wanted to
fight, but Ryoga's words echoed in her mind -- in this body, she
couldn't avoid fighting forever.
A very small part of her wanted to know -- could she actually
take on Mousse? Her newfound strength and speed bred a sort of
confidence, even an arrogance. She understood Ranma better
now, the way he acted.
She stripped out of her clothes and paused to look at herself
in the wall mirror. This was Ranma's body -- Ranma's girl body, at
any rate. It was shorter, and three years younger, but far more
powerful than her own.
*What if I'm stuck this way forever?* she thought, perhaps for
the first time. Her confidence in Ranma's ability to solve any
problem began to waver. What if?
Perhaps the most horrifying thing about the thought was that
it wasn't actually horrifying at all. Granted, she would be much,
much more comfortable with this body if it were always female,
but there were ways to do that, as Ranma had discovered not too
long ago. If worse came to worse, and she were stuck in this body,
it would not really be so bad. This was a good body. She could
get used to it.
But poor Ranma! Not only would he be losing his manhood,
his fiancee, and three years from his life, but he would be losing
the one thing that had always been there for him: his art. That
would devestate him, Kasumi was certain of that.
She heard a noise outside, and then the door slid aside,
revealing a naked Ryoga, clutching a towel and basket of toiletries.
Ryoga froze. "Ranma?" His face went beet-red.
"Ryoga!" Kasumi exclaimed, covering herself. "You should
knock first!"
Ryoga's face turned twice as red as he realized who really
stood before him. He turned and fled, slamming the door shut
behind him and leaving drops of blood on the tiles. "I'm sorry!" he
yelled over his shoulder. "I'm sorry! I forgot! I'm sorry! I'm
sorry!"
Kasumi sat down on the stool and sighed. What had she just
been thinking? Ranma-kun's life was far too complicated for
anyone else to live it. She certainly didn't want to be the one to try.
She wanted her own body back, and as soon as possible...
***
Ranma was glad to be walking down familiar streets, drawing
closer to the Tendo Dojo. The evening was nearly over, and she
would be able to drop the Kasumi act and get out of this stupid
dress. She hadn't really anticipated being "in character" for the
entire evening, but fate had determined otherwise. It couldn't be
helped, but at least she'd pulled it off without arousing suspicions.
She was rather proud of that fact. The short fashion show
and, especially, the public bath had been embarassing, but they
were things that Kasumi would not have thought twice about. In
the company of Nabiki's friends, who only saw and heard Kasumi,
she had to do everything the way Kasumi would do it. Of course,
she'd tried o talk her way out of the bath house, using every
concievable excuse that might be applicable for Kasumi, but it had
been useless. Nabiki was as skilled at word interplay and
argument as Ranma was at throwing punches. Still, she'd survived,
with most of her dignity intact, and she had new clothes and a new
cookbook to show for it, not to mention their stop at the ice cream
parlor.
"Well," Midori said as the reached the gates of the Tendo-ke,
"it's been a really fun night!
"Good night, Midori, Kyoko," Nabiki said. Ranma echoed the
sentiments in her best shiny-happy Kasumi voice.
"Good night, Nabiki," Kyoko said. "See you at school
tomorrow! Good night, Ranma!"
"Yes," Midori said, as the two ran off. "Good night, Ranma!
We had fun!"
Ranma was through the gate and almost to the front door of
the house before their words fully registered. Good night...
Ranma?"
She stopped. She turned to glare at Nabiki.
"Those two... they both knew!"
"Well of course they did," Nabiki said matter-of-factly. "I
told them at school today. Oh," she put a hand to her mouth in
mock surprise, "did I forget to mention that little fact, Ranma?
I'm sorry! How forgetful of me!"
Nabiki's eyes went wide as she saw her older sister begin to
glow with a bright blue battle aura. She ducked inside and
slammed the door shut, and was halfway up the stairs before she
heard Ranma yelling.
"NABIKI!!!!!"
***
END PART FOUR
Remember, if the world hands you lemons, fight back! Write
something different!
Enjoy! And if you don't, write me anyway!
M.A. Davis aka "Miko"
belldandy@angelic.com
http://listen.to/bell/
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From: bellchan89@my-dejanews.com
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Monkey Head Butting 5 of 9
Monkey Head Butting!
m a davis/miko belldandy@angelic.com
Previous chapters at:
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Characters are copyright Takahashi Rumiko, no infringement
intended. This is a fan work only, not for profit.
Monkey Head Butting
PART FIVE
***
By Thursday, Ranma had settled into a routine. Routines
were easy for the martial artist; they required no thought, just
action. You performed a kata over and over, until it was as natural
as walking, and as calming as meditation. That was how you
learned martial arts.
In this case, Ranma's katas were different. She got up in the
morning and prepared breakfast. That was a kata. She assembled
lunches for the three students. That was another kata. She went
upstairs to make the beds, and gather up the dirty laundry.
Everything was a kata -- hanging the laundry to dry, sweeping,
scrubbing the floor of the bath. It was all martial arts of a sort,
when you got down to it. That was the essence of "Anything
Goes" martial arts: life was martial arts. It all depended on how
you looked at it.
It was no wonder Kasumi was so good at what she did; for she
was a martial artist by birth and training. Nabiki, too, approached
finance with the attention and determination of a true martial
artist. It was the youngest Tendo, Akane, the 'actual' martial artist,
who had the weakest grasp on what "Anything Goes" martial arts
was really about.
That was how Ranma saw it, at least. *If only Akane could
figure this out,* Ranma thought to herself, as she washed the
dishes, *maybe she wouldn't be such a klutz, or such a bad cook.
All it takes is concentration.*
The day passed quickly. Nodoka arrived, but only to watch
Ranma work, and talk; already she had little need to provide
instructions. Her son/daughter learned quickly.
"When is your father going to find a way to reverse this
situation?" she asked over tea.
"I have no idea," Ranma replied, "but I'm not holding my
breath. Kasumi and I will have to find our own solution."
Nodoka looked irritated. "Doesn't he realize that, as long as
this continues, you can't wed Akane?"
A sweatdrop appeared on Ranma's head. "I, uh... think he's
got that part down," she said quietly.
"Well I wish he'd do something about it. The family's honor
is at stake."
Ranma said nothing, knowing that some of her mother's
statements were set in stone and not meant to be discussed. As far
as she was concerned, any marriage should wait until Akane and
Ranma's high school graduation, at the very least. She was pretty
sure Akane felt the same way.
"So, how are you dealing with this?" Nodoka asked.
Ranma fidgeted. "I don't know... I guess I'm okay."
Nodoka's hand drifted to the family sword which lay on the
table. She still carried the thing just about everywhere she went,
which made Ranma nervous, and absolutely terrified her father.
"Ranma," she said, "your father is a master of running from his
problems. I would hope you've learned better than to imitate him."
"What do you mean?" Ranma asked, confused.
"I mean it's obvious, even to me, when something's bothering
you, but you hide your thoughts and emotions and pretend to shrug
it all off. I'm sure your father taught you that, but I am your
mother. If you can't tell me what's wrong, who can you tell?
"Now, tell me again. How are you dealing with this?"
Ranma swallowed, and stared off into the distance for a long
time. Nodoka waited patiently. Patience was something her son
didn't get a lot of, which was certainly part of the problem.
Finally Ranma spoke.
"I don't know," she said, "it's just... well, I don't want to be
stuck this way, of course. But when I don't think about it, it's really
not so bad... and I think that scares me the most.
"Other than that, I guess I miss school. Not the homework, so
much, but just being around friends... what few friends I have,
anyway. It's not like I have anyone to talk to around here;
Kasumi's only real friends are the other women in the
neighborhood, and I don't have anything in common with them."
She began flexing her hands, forming fists over and over.
"I'm even starting to miss my battles with Ryoga, and Mousse, and
even Kuno, if you can believe that. I don't mind a fight now and
then, and Ryoga always keeps the pressure on me to work hard and
improve. I need to keep my edge. I don't want to be like Pops, and
never reach my full potential."
"You will reach your potential," Nodoka said authoritatively.
"You have honor, and courage. If your father did one thing right,
he taught you to never give up. I'm not sure how he accomplished
that -- I suppose by providing an example of what not to do -- but
however you learned it, I'm glad you did. But I think there are
some things I can teach you, too."
"Yeah," Ranma said, glad to be on more concrete footing.
"I've been meaning to ask you about that... can you teach me to
cook better?"
Nodoka frowned. "You're already a decent cook, Ranma."
"No," Ranma said, "I mean like you or Kasumi. Aren't there
any special tricks, or maneuvers, or whatever? Is there some secret
technique that makes the food taste better?"
Nodoka looked very perplexed. "Special tricks? Secret
techniques? Son, cooking is not martial arts!"
"Everything's martial arts!" Ranma insisted.
`
Nodoka digested this for a moment. "Well, given your
upbringing, I guess that makes sense to you. But Ranma... why do
you want to cook like me or Kasumi? You are my son, not my
daughter! You are not going to become someone's wife!"
"What? Mom, that's sick! What makes you think I'd want to
do that?"
"Well? Surely you don't plan on becoming a Chef?"
"No! Of course not!"
"Thank goodness for that! Your destiny is to take over and
run the Tendo Dojo, and don't you forget it! This situation you're
in isn't permanent, you know, so why do you want to be a better
cook?"
"Well, I know that, but... I mean, it's probably a good idea that
I know how to cook. You know, for my own safety."
"Don't be ridiculous, Ranma. When you have your own body
back, and are wed Akane, she will cook for you."
"Mom, if I let that klutz cook she'll poison me!"
"Ranma Saotome! That is no way to speak of your fiancée!"
`
"But it's true!"
"It is not true, and I will not allow you to speak that way of
Akane in my presence."
"I... Mother, I'm sorry, but Akane is a really awful cook. Even
you must have realized that by now."
Nodoka sighed.
"Son, Akane tries very hard to do well. I think she tries too
hard, and that leads to mistakes. She's young still, and she doesn't
get a lot of practice, what with Kasumi here. But surely you've
noticed that she's improving? She'll get there eventually, my son;
you just have to give her time."
"Geez, Mom, I'll be ninety-seven before she gets it right, if I
live that long on her toxic cooking..."
"Ranma!" Nodoka said, and there was anger in her voice. "Is
this how your father raised you? You've become a remarkable
martial artist, but a less than stellar human being. You have honor,
but you don't know how to relate to others. Calling people names
and insulting them is not the way for a young man to behave. You
only hurt others by what you say and do. This is exactly what I
was talking about... you hide your feelings behind insults, just as
your father hides in his panda form rather than face his problems
like a man."
"Ah, Mom, I'm nothing like my old man..."
"You're more like him than you realize," Nodoka said. "He
can't express his feelings, and neither can you."
"But that's not my fault! I'm just no good at feelings and
stuff!"
"That much is obvious."
"Yeah, well, I can't help it or nothing. It's like you said... I
just inherited it from Pops."
"No. I did not say that. You learned it from him, and you can
unlearn it. Ranma, learning to deal with other people is like
learning martial arts... you need to practice every day. Do you
understand?"
"You mean... I gotta practice being nice to people?"
"That's right, and to Akane, especially. Think of it as another
form of martial arts, if you must. You seem to understand that
approach. Every morning, you should practice being nice, as if it
were one of your katas. Now, are you at least willing to try that,
for my sake?"
Ranma looked down at her tea, which had grown cold. "S-
Sure, Mom. I guess I can try."
"Good. Now, you still haven't explained to me why you want
to cook as well as Kasumi or I. Frankly, I'm glad you've adapted to
the current situation well, for the Tendo's sake at any rate. But I
fear you're adapting too well."
"It's nothing like that," Ranma said. "It's a matter of honor. I
challenged Happosai..."
After hearing the story, Nodoka sighed. "Oh, my son,
whenever I look at you, I marvel at how much of a man you've
become, how much more honorable and more intelligent than your
father you are. And then you do something stupid like this..."
"Hey! He insulted my cooking!"
"My apologies, Son, but it's an exceptionally stupid challenge.
Cook like Kasumi in three days? What were you thinking? How
can you possibly expect to win?"
She stood up. "Well, if I'm to train you, then we'll start now.
Do you know what you want to make for lunch?"
***
"Ranma! You're still a girl!"
Kasumi wove her way through the crowded school hallway,
heading for Ranma and Akane's home room, when the voice
interrupted her thoughts. Glancing up, she found Ranma's friend,
Hiroshi, staring at her.
"Yes," she said, "is that a problem?"
"Oh, no!" Hiroshi said, holding up his hands. "It's just that...
well, don't take this the wrong way, I mean, I really like seeing you
this way, but... you're not going to fight Mousse as a girl are you?"
"Oh, my, of course not," Kasumi said, with a confidence she
really didn't feel.
"Oh good!" Hiroshi said, smiling in relief. "I've got a lot of
money riding on you, you know!"
"Yeah, me too!"
Kasumi suddenly realized that she was at the center of a ring
of boys, mostly from Ranma's home room. She wasn't used to
getting so much attention; it made her a bit nervous.
"I bet two week's lunch money on you, Ranma!"
"I've got a month's allowance riding on you!"
"We're counting on you, Ranma! Don't let us down!"
Kasumi leaned back against the lockers, suddenly feeling
faint. She was already under pressure trying to keep Ranma's
dignity and reputation intact, but... she hadn't quite realized that so
many people depended on her to fight and win Saturday. What
would happen if she didn't win? What would happen if she didn't
even fight?
"Oh, dear..." she said. "This is getting worse by the day..."
"What is?"
Kasumi smiled at Hiroshi. "Oh, nothing. I'm glad you have
faith in me, Hiroshi, and everyone. That's so sweet! But, you
know, one of these days I might actually lose..."
"What, you? Don't make us laugh, Ranma!"
"Yeah, Ranma. You're the best anyone's ever seen! You even
beat that old panty freak on a regular basis!"
Kasumi smiled wanly. It was hard for her to argue the point,
since she was pretty much in awe of Ranma's talent herself. But
she wasn't Ranma, despite outward appearances. She wasn't even
close. Come Saturday, everyone was bound to find that out.
***
Genma Saotome set the plate down, having polished every
last morsel from it's surface. He patted his stomach and burped
contentedly.
"Well?" Ranma asked, arms crossed.
"you keep getting better, son. Every meal is an improvement
over the last. I haven't been so well fed in ages."
"And?"
"You had your mother's help on this one?"
"I coached him," Nodoka said, seated nearby. "Ranma did all
of the cooking himself."
"And?" Ranma said, arms still crossed. She tapped her foot
impatiently.
Genma sighed. "You're still not as good as Kasumi, boy."
"In what way?"
"I... I can't put it into words, but I can taste the difference.
Maybe the master is right on this one."
"Give it up, son!" Soun cried. "You can't be good at
everything! Give up, before you embarrass yourself even further!"
"Never!" Ranma yelled. "I can lick this yet!"
Soun Tendo burst into tears. "But son, you're cooking me out
of house and home! I can't afford this challenge of yours!"
"Don't worry Mr. Tendo! Just think how much you'll save on
buying underwear for Akane!"
"That's only if you win, Ranma! Only if you win!"
"I can win!" Ranma declared. "I ain't gonna lose! You gotta
trust me, Mr. Tendo! I just need to find the right recipe..."
Nodoka got a pained look on her face. "Son," she said, "I'm
glad that you're so persistent, unlike others I could mention, but
Tendo-san is correct. Sometimes you just can't win. You need to
recognize when you've reached that point, and surrender
gracefully."
"No way, mom! I've got two days left! I can do this!"
Genma got up and wandered towards the kitchen. "There's
more food, isn't there?" he said.
"Lots more," Ranma replied. "I got a little carried away..."
"That's no problem, boy!" Genma said happily. "I'm sure we'll
find a way to keep it from going to waste!"
"It's hopeless!" Soun Tendo cried. "I'm ruined... poor
Kasumi!"
"Cheer up, Mr. Tendo!" Ranma said. "Everything will work
out, you'll see. Look on the bright side, at least the dojo hasn't
been destroyed in a while!"
The nearby wall exploded in a hail of wood and plaster.
"Nihao!" Shampoo called out, stepping through the gaping hole.
She held one of her bonbori in one hand, and a ramen box in the
other. She set the box down, looking around. "Ranma not here?"
she asked.
Everyone looked at Ranma. Ranma smiled.
"Oh my," Ranma said, in his best imitation Kasumi voice.
"Ranma's still at school, Shampoo!"
The Chinese girl snapped her fingers. "Is true! Shampoo
forget! If Shampoo hurry, is still time to give him special ramen!"
***
"Nabiki Tendo, how are you this fair day?"
"Kuno-baby, how's it going? Looking for new pictures?"
Nabiki produced a set from her desk. She'd been busy the last few
days, snapping every picture she could of Ranma-chan in feminine
clothing. She planned on taking enough to last a while.
At the moment, her future-brother-in-law-slash-older-sister
was nearby, trying to explain to a certain purple-haired girl that
she'd already eaten lunch, and didn't have room for more. *Poor
Shampoo,* Nabiki thought. *The real Ranma would have downed
Kasumi's lunch, a meal from Ukyo, and still had room for
Shampoo's ramen. The boy's a bottomless pit.*
Kuno studied the pictures with unconcealed lust. "Oh! More
glimpses of her feminine side! Such unparalleled beauty! So
strong, and yet so fragile!"
"Yeah," Nabiki said, "I thought You'd like them."
Kuno slapped down his money, never taking his eyes off the
pictures.
"Her manner to me has changed significantly since our date,"
he said. "I know now, finally, that she truly does love me."
"You do?"
"Indeed. When she struck me this morning, it was a far
lighter punch than ever I felt from her before. I was knocked back
a mere fifty feet."
"If that's not true love, Kuno, I don't know what is," Nabiki
said, rolling her eyes.
"Yes. But now I must turn my attention to Akane Tendo, and
for this, I fear I must seek your help."
"Sorry, Kuno, I don't have any photos of my sister today. I
can get some by tomorrow, if you like."
"It is not mere photos that I seek," Kuno said, then paused.
"Although I would not say no to a new set of pictures of the fair
Akane..."
"I didn't think you would."
"...but what I seek at the moment, Nabiki Tendo, is your
advice."
Nabiki arched an eyebrow. The strange boy with the bokken
fetish leaned over her desk, a look of utter seriousness on his face -
- not that she'd ever known Kuno to joke about anything. "Okay,
Kuno-baby. The meter's running, so start talking. What's on your
mind?"
"It is not in my nature to ask of others advice on how I might
conduct my business, especially in affairs of the heart. To stoop so
low is not worthy of the noble samurai. However, I find myself at
an impasse, the likes of which I find impossible to traverse. My
mind struggles to find a solution, but it is like holding back the tide
or embracing the wind."
"Spit it out already, Kuno."
Kuno stood straight and frowned seriously on Nabiki. "I want
to arrange a date with Akane, your sister."
"Yes? Isn't that what you're always working on?"
"Nabiki Tendo," Kuno said, "I am asking you for your help."
"I'm not a dating service, Kuno."
"Do you think I do not know that?" the kendoist replied. He
stared off into the distance. "Before this past week, I was content
to wait. I knew in my heart that my loves could not resist my
affections forever, no matter what spells were cast upon them.
Finally, a mere forty-two hours and thirty-seven minutes past, my
pig-tailed goddess found a way to express to me what surely has
long been held within her heart." He turned to Nabiki, tears
coming to his eyes. "Do you not see, Nabiki? Always have I
treated them equally! Now, I can no longer wait for the right
moment to come to me; if I do not find a way to prove to Akane
that she is as precious to me as my red-haired goddess, then I fear I
may lose her for good! If I were to crush her delicate heart so...
please, Nabiki, I beg of you! Have I not lowered myself enough, to
stoop to this? But, truly, you are my last hope!"
Nabiki rubbed her temples, wondering what sort of monster
she had helped to create. "Okay, Kuno," she said, "I suppose I can
try. However, it won't come cheap."
"Name your price," Kuno said. "I will pay it."
Nabiki's eyebrows rose ever-so-slightly. "That desperate,
huh?"
"Indeed," Kuno said, "I even sought the advice of my twisted
sister, but while her suggestions surely would work, it is not
customary for one so noble as I to deal in potions and poisons..."
Nabiki sighed. "Kuno, Kuno...you've really got it bad, this
time, don't you?"
***
"Look," Ranma said, "I told you, Ranma's not here. How long
are you going to wait here? Don't you have anything better to do?"
Ranma took a break in the family room. The afternoon
chores were done, and it wasn't yet time for dinner, so Ranma
relaxed for a bit and read up on Italian cooking. Her mother had
left for the day, and her father and Mr. Tendo were off doing
something somewhere, she really didn't care what. A cool
afternoon breeze blew in from the back yard, and everything was
peaceful and quiet, and Ranma would be enjoying herself, except
that a certain Amazon sat at the family table nearby. There was a
cold bowl of ramen before Shampoo, and a rather sad but
determined look was on her face.
"Shampoo make mistake," she said. "Shampoo arrive at
school too late. Ranma already eat lunch, he no longer hungry.
But Shampoo work so hard to cook special ramen!"
*I'll bet,* Ranma thought.
"Besides," the Chinese girl continued, "Is nothing better than
wait for airen come home to Shampoo!"
"Oh, like I'd..." Ranma stopped herself. "This isn't your home,
Shampoo," she said, instead. "So what is it this time? Love potion
again?"
"Aiya! You spy on Nekohanten!"
"Oh, right, like I've got time to watch your every move. Do
you know how busy I am? Do you know what it's like to cook and
clean for a seven-person household?"
"You no busy now, Kasumi."
"Only because I've been working all day!"
Shampoo's eyes glistened as she stared off into the distance.
"When Shampoo marry Ranma, have many kids. Shampoo happy
to cook and clean for big family!"
Ranma sighed. It was always this way with Shampoo...
except that, at the moment, Shampoo wasn't hanging all over her,
and Ranma had a certain amount of freedom in what she said.
Criticism from Kasumi would not sting nearly as much as criticism
from Shampoo's supposed betrothed.
"You're dreaming, Shampoo. Ranma's not going to marry
you."
"Ranma marry Shampoo! Is tribal law!"
"In case you didn't notice, you're in the middle of Tokyo.
Tribal laws don't apply here."
"You is okay, Kasumi?" Shampoo was suddenly at her side,
with a hand on her forehead. "You talk funny. Maybe you is
getting sick? Great Grandmother fix you up good!"
"No! I mean, oh, my! I don't think I feel sick... if I need to, I
can talk to Dr. Tofu."
Shampoo made a face. "Kasumi visit strange sensei, things
get worse. Shampoo see what happen when Kasumi visit him.
Shampoo no want to be around."
Ranma went back to her book. "Then why don't you leave,
Shampoo? I'll see that Ranma gets your special ramen." *Like fun
I will,* she added to herself.
From the front door a voice called out. "Tadaima! We're
home!"
Shampoo sprang up, a look of rapture on her face, and ran
down the hallway. Grimacing, Ranma got up and followed her.
The voices of the three Tendo sisters drifted towards her.
"Give me a break, Nabiki! I can't believe you'd even suggest
such a thing!"
"It's just one date," Nabiki said. "Kuno said I could name my
price. Do you know how much money the Kuno's have, or how
much he could pay?"
"No! Not a chance! What do I look like, your personal call
girl? Are you going to start renting out Kasumi and Ranma-chan
too? Maybe you could sign up Ukyo and Shampoo while you're at
it!"
"Okay," Nabiki said. "I knew you wouldn't go for it, but I had
to try."
The three girls came around the corner. A blur of red and
purple flashed by the two younger sisters and glomped onto
Kasumi.
"Airen!" Shampoo exclaimed. "I wait all afternoon for you
return! You eat special ramen now, yes?"
"Oh, Shampoo!" Kasumi said, trying to pry the Amazon off of
her. "How thoughtful of you! But I really need to train before
dinner, you know."
"Why you train? Is easy you beat Mousse, yes?"
"Shampoo," Akane said, "didn't you just say yesterday that
Mousse had been training and would be hard to beat?"
Shampoo shrugged. "Is true, but Shampoo know that Mousse
never beat Ranma."
"Well, there's always a first time for everything," Kasumi said,
finally prying Shampoo loose.
"Why you talk crazy?" Shampoo said. Her eyes narrowed.
"You no try to lose to Mousse on purpose again!" She glared at
Akane.
"What? What have I got to do with this?"
"While this is a fascinating conversation," Nabiki said, "I
simply must leave you to it. Duty calls, ta!" She swept by Ranma
and up the stairs. Ranma, also taking the coward's way out,
retreated to the kitchen.
***
Nabiki was engaged in her favorite activity, and unlike many
of her peers it had nothing to do with sex or video games. Instead,
she sat at her desk in her room, quietly going over the numbers in
her private ledger.
Betting on Ranma was even heavier than she'd expected.
With a day and a half left to collect bets, Saturday looked like the
biggest payday of her entire life.
What would she do with the money? Midori and Kyoko
would get their shares, but the bulk of it was Nabiki's. She could
buy new clothes, some jewelry perhaps, and still have a huge sum
to re-invest. Perhaps a computer would make sense; for a while
now she'd been contemplating the possibilities of making money
via the internet. It was the wave of the future, and Nabiki wanted
to ride that wave, but there were also stock options to consider.
What would best serve her immediate goal, of getting into an
especially good college? A degree from the right school would set
the stage for her future financial independence.
Mind you, she still had plans to marry into money -- so much
easier than having to earn it -- but Nabiki planned for every
eventuality.
She sighed and closed the ledger. There were no two ways
about it, as long as Kasumi remained in Ranma's body, Nabiki
would come up a winner. The thought brought a very slight smile
to her face.
She turned to her other ledger, the one for the Tendo
household. She glanced over the figures, noting that, so far, the
month was going well. Aside from the occasional rebuilt wall,
their repair bills were down, and the food budget was stable,
thanks to several free meals from the Nekohanten and U-Chan's.
Admittedly, those meals coincided with the damaged walls, but
they were still well within the budget. All in all, things were
running smoothly.
Since the arrival of the Saotomes, the strain on the food
budget and the costs of repairs had occasionally forced Nabiki to
supplement the family budget from her own pocket. Luckily, the
costs incurred were often covered by the money Nabiki made off
the sale of Ranma-chan photos, and side bets on his fights. That
didn't even take into account the money Ranma paid her to keep
this or that secret from leaking out. Genma had a job, too, of
course, and contributed a pittance to the dojo's coffers, but the real
reason Ranma and his father weren't more of a burden was the
marketability of Ranma himself. More than anyone, Nabiki
recognized the value in having Ranma around.
Nabiki totaled the week's receipts. She frowned. She totaled
them again, then stared at the bottom line.
Certainly, Nabiki thought, Ranma would spend more than
Kasumi. That was to be expected. Kasumi was a creative and
resourceful shopper, and Ranma didn't have her experience in
providing for the household on a limited budget. However, the
food budget had quadrupled practically overnight. Bad shopping
choices didn't begin to explain it.
Still frowning, Nabiki stepped out of her room and headed
downstairs. She heard thumps and yelling coming from the dojo,
and knew that Kasumi must be training for the fight. She felt a
little sympathy for her older sister. Nabiki, for one, had no desire
to ever revisit her years of training. Those days were gone, and
good riddance.
Ranma was in the family room, watching television. This
was strange in itself, given that people were pounding each other
only a few hundred feet away. What was even stranger was what
he was watching.
A cooking show? Nani? What now?
With growing curiosity, Nabiki watched as Ranma jotted page
after page of notes into a small booklet. Ranma, taking notes?
Ranma never took notes on anything, not even in class. He was
the sort who learned by watching and then repeating what he saw,
trusting in his ability to observe and memorize. This worked well
for him in martial arts, and not so well in school, but Nabiki had
never known him to alter it.
Until now. *First cookbooks, now cooking shows,* Nabiki
thought. *It's about time I solve this little mystery.*
"Ranma? Shouldn't you be helping Kasumi train?"
Ranma didn't even look up. "It's okay," he said. "Ryoga's in
there, with Akane and Pops and Mr. Tendo. They don't need me."
"Did Shampoo go home, then?"
"Yeah," Ranma said. "I 'accidentally' spilled her precious
ramen. After that, she finally left."
He continued to stare at the tv screen and scribble notes into
his booklet.
"Dinner will be at six," he said after a moment. "If you're
hungry, there's food in the fridge, leftovers from lunch."
"Really? I know your father was home, so you must have
made a big lunch."
"Yeah, I guess I did."
Nabiki walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator
door. As she looked over all of the food within, her eyes grew
ever-so-slightly wider than normal. There were leftovers indeed...
a lot of leftovers, food of every kind, enough for a couple of
dinners, at least. Was Ranma going to cook even more?
*All this, left over after Ranma and Mr. Saotome were full.
The mind boggles,* she thought. *Well, at least we know why the
food budget's so high. The bigger mystery is... why? Ranma, more
interested in cooking than martial arts? Could being in Kasumi's
body be affecting his mind that much?*
Nabiki grabbed a pair of sushi rolls. *If not for me, Ranma
and Kasumi might already be back to normal,* she thought. She
took a bite. *Wow! This isn't bad! When did Ranma learn to do
such elaborate sushi?*
The doorbell rang. "I got it!" Nabiki called out, heading into
the hallway. She opened the door on their elderly neighbor, Mrs.
Ishigawa.
"Nabiki, dear!" Mrs. Ishigawa said. "How are you today?"
"Fine, thanks, Obaasan," Nabiki said.
The old woman smiled, always pleased when the Tendo
sisters called her grandmother, as they'd done since they were kids.
"Tell me, dear, is your sister Kasumi home?"
"Sure," Nabiki said, "but I think she's busy at the moment."
"Oh, don't trouble her then," she said, handing over a piece of
paper. "I just wanted to drop this recipe off for her."
"Recipe?" Nabiki stared at the paper blankly.
"Yes, she asked me for it earlier today. You know, it's nice to
be able to help her once in a while. She used to come to me for
advice so often, but in the last two years she's become such a good
cook, perhaps the best on the whole block. She hardly needs my
help anymore, so I was quite surprised when she asked. Well, as I
said, I'm always glad to help. Say hello to your sisters and your
father for me, and to those two martial artists as well!"
Nabiki walked back into the family room, studying the recipe.
It was an elaborate dish... not something Kasumi would normally
prepare. In that way, it was much like the book she'd bought for
Ranma the night before, and the book Ranma had borrowed from
Doctor Tofu, and some of the food in the refrigerator.
"Who was it?" Ranma asked, again without looking up.
"Our neighbor, Mrs. Ishigawa. She brought over a recipe for
you."
"Really? All right!"
Nabiki grimaced. She didn't like asking direct questions -- it
tended to ruin her "all wise and all knowing" mystique -- but she
was ready to explode with curiosity. She had to know, now.
"Ranma-kun, what is this all about?"
"Hmm?" Ranma glanced up. The cooking show had,
mercifully, come to an end. "It's a recipe. You know, for cooking.
I asked our neighbor..."
"No. I mean the whole thing -- the recipe books, the elaborate
cooking, the sudden interest in television chefs, and the enormous
grocery bills you're ringing up. What's it all about?"
"Oh. You don't know?"
Nabiki ground her teeth and counted to three. "Sorry to
disappoint you, Ranma," she said, "but amazing as it might seem,
I'm not privy to every secret that passes through this household,
just most of them. Call it a lapse in my information network, but I
haven't the slightest idea what's gotten into you. Would you mind
letting me know?"
"Well," Ranma said. "It started with Happosai..."
"Doesn't it always?"
"...I challenged him, see..."
Nabiki nodded. "This is sounding nauseatingly familiar.
Where does cooking come in?"
"Well, I sort of challenged him to a cooking contest."
Nabiki thought this over.
"Ranma, I'm pretty sure you can cook circles around the old
man..."
Ranma shook her head. "No, I'm not cooking against him,
I'm cooking for him. It's just... well, he insulted my cooking. He
said I wasn't as good as Kasumi."
"You're not."
"I know that! But it's not like my food is poisonous or
nothing either! All I said is I can cook a meal as enjoyable as
anything Kasumi does. That's all!"
Nabiki stared at Ranma for a full minute.
"You're kidding."
"Nope," Ranma said. He glanced back down at his notebook.
"I'm going to win if it kills me!"
Nabiki placed her hand at her temple as if in pain. There was
no way. This time, the half-boy, half-girl was dead meat.
The only question, then, was how to make money off of it?
Nabiki had no idea... yet.
***
Ryoga wiped the sweat from his brow and stared at the girl
who looked like onna-Ranma, but wasn't.
"You're doing a lot better, Kasumi," he said, smiling.
"I am?"
"Definitely," he said. "I see a lot of improvement!"
"Don't let him fool you, Kasumi. You're in no shape to take
on Mousse."
Ryoga and Kasumi turned, along with Akane, Soun, and
Genma, who watched from the near wall of the dojo. Standing at
the dojo entrance was someone who looked like Kasumi but
wasn't. Instead of Kasumi's dress and apron, Ranma wore a brand
new gi. It was decidedly un-Kasumi-like.
"Kasumi, I have a favor to ask of you," Ranma said. "If I help
you train, will you help me cook dinner tonight?"
Kasumi smiled. "Why, of course, Ranma! I'd like that! To
be honest, I've felt a little useless lately, with you doing all of the
cooking and housework."
Ranma advanced to the middle of the dojo. She bowed
slightly to Ryoga. "With your permission?" she asked.
Ryoga returned the half-bow. "Why so formal and polite,
Ranma? Is being in that body affecting you?"
"Just get the hell out of my way," Ranma growled.
"That's more like it," Ryoga said, retreating to the dojo's wall.
Ranma went into a crouch. "Okay, Kasumi," she said. "I
know this is your body I'm in, but it's me, Ranma, controlling it.
Don't hold up... I want to see what you can really do."
Kasumi nodded. "If you say so, Ranma."
Three seconds later, Ranma was being helped off the floor by
Soun and Akane. Kasumi hovered nearby.
"Ranma! Are you okay?"
"Oh, my! I didn't mean to hit you so hard!"
"I... yes, I'm okay. She just surprised me a little."
Soun grabbed Ranma by the collar and lifted her off her feet.
"Don't be foolish, son! Kasumi's body has none of your old
reflexes!"
"Mr. Tendo? Could you put me down, please?"
"Oh, um, sorry, yes, of course..."
Ranma straightened her gi. "I was just caught off guard," she
insisted. "Kasumi's a better fighter in my body, and I'm slower and
weaker in hers. I want to try again."
Reluctantly, Soun retreated to the wall. Ranma took a
moment to center herself, then assumed a defensive stance. "Once
again," she said, "whenever you're ready."
Kasumi nodded, and launched her attack, much more
hesitantly this time. Ranma concentrated much harder on her
defense. It had been a couple of days since she'd practiced -- she'd
never taken so much time off in her life before -- but, in this body,
it felt like years had passed. Her reactions were slow, her
movements mechanical. Her punches lacked force. Nothing felt
natural; she thought too much before reacting.
Kasumi, on the other hand, moved as naturally as the wind.
For her, any thought at all was a disadvantage, so she let her new
body's reactions guide her. Strange as it seemed, she was
probably, at this particular moment, more than a match for Ranma.
In no time at all, Ranma was forced to call a halt. She was
too winded to continue.
She ground her teeth. This whole situation was completely
unbearable. If she remained in Kasumi's body for even one more
day, she would start working out. There were no two ways about
it. Ranma could survive being stuck in this body, and she could
survive being the household's surrogate mother, (or at least, cook
and cleaning woman), but Ranma could never accept being denied
her art. Practice would begin the following morning.
Kasumi, of course, wasn't winded at all. Ryoga smiled as he
took Ranma's place. He bowed slightly. "With your permission?"
he asked, his voice slightly mocking. "Perhaps a true martial artist
can test her skills..."
Ranma threw a punch, which Ryoga caught easily.
"You're not much of a threat these days," he said, speaking in
a low voice so that the others couldn't hear. "So much the better
for me, don't you think? I can only hope the change is
permanent..."
"You bastard!" Ranma growled.
"Now, now, Miss Saotome," Ryoga said. "Take your seat,
and watch a real man at work."
Again Ranma ground her teeth, unable to do anything else.
She walked stiffly to the side of the dojo and flopped down
between Akane and her father.
"Are you fighting with Ryoga again?" Akane asked
accusingly. "That's really not smart, Ranma. You're in no position
to take him on right now."
Ranma just glared into the distance, saying nothing.
Ryoga sparred with Kasumi, and it was evident to everyone
that he was holding back. After a few minutes, Ranma yelled,
"Attack her, you idiot! She's supposed to be preparing for a fight,
but she can't learn anything if you don't push her limits! Or is this
how a 'real man' fights?"
"Shut up, Ranma!" Ryoga yelled.
"Come on! Are you a man, or a piglet?"
Frowning, Ryoga proceeded to take Kasumi apart. His
punches lacked their usual force, but he continually tagged her
with them. Kasumi seemed to redouble her efforts, but that only
left her even more wide open. She tried to concentrate -- to think -
- which slowed her reactions down. Her movements were no
longer fluid and natural, and she was becoming winded.
`
Finally she called for a halt. Ranma sprang to her feet.
"If you don't learn to at least defend yourself, Kasumi, Mousse
is going to pound you into the ground!" she yelled.
"Ranma!" Akane yelled back, "don't be an idiot! She's not
even going to fight Mousse!"
Kasumi took a ragged breath of air. "Oh my!" she said.
"There must be some other way to resolve this."
"This is hopeless," Ranma said. "At this rate, you'll never be
able to take on Mousse."
Ranma stared at the dojo floor dejectedly. Soun put his hand
on her shoulder.
"Look on the bright side, son," Soun said. "If Mousse can win
Shampoo's hand, you won't have to deal with her anymore."
"That's not what this is about!"
"Oh?" Akane said. "What's it about then? Your pride? Or do
you really want Shampoo after all?"
"I didn't say that!"
"Baka! You didn't have to! Fine, if that's the way you feel,
you can stay in Kasumi's body for the rest of your life!"
"Oh, Akane," Kasumi said, "you don't really mean that!"
Fury was etched on Akane's face. "Well listen to him! He's
not concerned about you at all, he's just concerned that you'll
damage his precious reputation!"
Ranma headed for the entrance. "Fine, then," she said. "If
you need me, I'll be in the kitchen."
Kasumi's eyes filled with sadness as she watched Ranma
leave.
"Akane," she said, "a reputation is a pretty serious thing to a
martial artist. For someone like Ranma, it could be more
important than his own life..."
***
In the kitchen, Ranma hovered over the stove wok and
keeping an eye on the pan simmering next to it. Kasumi walked
in, picked up a knife, and began chopping vegetables.
Several moments went by. The only sounds were the sizzle of
the wok oil and the sharp chopping of Kasumi's knife.
"I'm sorry we're in this position," Kasumi said, quietly. "I
don't want to ruin your reputation this way."
"That's okay," Ranma said. There was resignation in her
voice.
"If there was any way I could defeat Mousse..."
"Don't worry, Kasumi. I know there's nothing you can do
about it. If we don't find a cure before Saturday... well, whatever
happens, happens."
"Oh, Ranma! I'm so sorry!"
"Don't," Ranma said. "There's no need."
"If there's anything I can do..."
"Actually," Ranma said, "there is. This stupid challenge I
made with Happosai is another matter. I don't want to lose that
too. If there's any way that you could help me..."
"Of course I'll help you!" Kasumi exclaimed. "All you have
to do is ask!"
***
It was a big indication of how seriously Ranma took her
challenge with Happosai that she didn't immediately dive in after
serving dinner. Instead, she stood near the table, waiting
expectantly for everyone's opinions.
"It's very good, Ranma," Akane said.
"Yes," Kasumi added. "You did a wonderful job!"
Genma was too busy shoveling food into his mouth to say
anything, while Soun was once again crying. He looked at the
elaborate spread of food on the table like a child might watch an
escaped balloon sail off into the stratosphere.
"Not good enough!" Happosai declared setting his bowl down
with finality.
"Ha!" Ranma cried. "I notice you ate everything!"
"True," Happosai said, "It's not bad. Kasumi helped... but I
can easily detect Ranma's hand in the creation of this meal. Try
again!"
"Admit it, freak! You liked it!"
Happosai growled and leapt onto the table. "You ungrateful
whelp! Don't you get it? You can do everything exactly as
Kasumi does it, and you still won't cook as well as her! Kasumi
pours all the love that's in her heart into her culinary creations!
You can't hope to compete! Give up!"
"Never!"
Akane tried to ignore the shouted curses and enjoy her meal.
If it wasn't Ranma picking fights with his father or his hentai
master, then it was Shampoo, or Ukyo, or Cologne dropping by to
cause havoc, or a fight with Ryoga or Mousse, or Ranma acting
jealous of P-Chan, or their parents trying to force them into
admitting that they really wanted to get married right that second.
If all else failed, a quiet evening was often altered by a cryptic
comment from Nabiki, who seemed to enjoy stirring the Tendo
household kettle when it grew too calm. Truth to tell, it had
literally been months since the last time Akane had enjoyed a
quiet, peaceful meal at the dinner table, and it would probably be
many more before it happened again.
The worst part was that only Akane seemed to care. Father --
well, he was always upset at something. Ranma, Genma, and
Happosai -- they were usually part of the problem. Kasumi acted
oblivious, and Nabiki seemed to enjoy everything from her vantage
point as an uninvolved spectator. Only Akane suffered.
Or was that true? Akane watched as her eldest sister ate. She
was actually starting to think of the red-head as her sister, and not
Ranma-oh-wait-that's-Kasumi-in-there. In any case, Kasumi
looked anything but her usual happy, serene self. She looked
positively troubled.
Akane wondered if the upcoming fight, or even just the
sparring, was getting to her sister. She became so wrapped up her
concern for Kasumi that she almost didn't notice when her sister
spoke.
"I'm going to fight Mousse," Kasumi said.
The room suddenly became silent. Happosai balanced on the
table on one leg, halfway through the act of launching Ranma out
into the yard.
"What did you say?" their father asked.
Kasumi looked irritated. It was, upon reflection, a very
Ranma-like look.
"I said, I'm going to fight Mousse."
"What?" everyone exclaimed.
"Kasumi, no!" Soun cried. "I can't let you do this! I must
forbid it!"
"I have to, father," Kasumi said. "It's a matter of honor."
"Kasumi," Akane said, "don't be stupid. You can forfeit the
match, Ranma will understand. There's no way you could win, so
he can't expect you to go through with it."
"I know," Kasumi said, "but Ranma-kun would never forfeit.
I can't either."
"Sis, you're not Ranma. You may look like him, and you may
have his muscles and reflexes, but you don't have his training or
knowledge..."
"Like there's any of that," Nabiki added.
Akane glanced over in anger. "Okay, so he's hopeless in
school..."
"Hey!" Ranma yelled. "I'm right here, you know!"
"...but that doesn't mean he's stupid!" Akane continued, with a
warning glance at her betrothed. "He knows more about fighting
than anyone else his age.
"The point is," Akane said, turning back to her eldest sister,
"you don't have a prayer in this fight, Kasumi. You're going to
lose. So why go through with it?"
Kasumi continued to sit, her hands folded in her lap. In her
eyes there was a fierce determination, which did not quite manage
to mask the underlying layer of fear. She looked exceptionally
Ranma-like, not like Kasumi in the least.
"Losing is one thing," Kasumi said. "Quitting is another.
Everyone loses from time to time, but no Tendo and no Saotome
ever quits."
"With the noted exception of our two fathers," Ranma said.
Genma slammed his bowl down. "Boy! I thought I taught
you to respect your elders!"
"I would if I could!" Ranma fired back.
"That's it, boy!" Genma said, standing. "You've had this
coming for a long time!"
Soun grabbed his friend's sleeve. "Saotome, no! That's still
my daughter's body we're talking about!"
"Soun, Genma," Happosai said, "shut up! I want to hear this."
Glancing at their unpredictable master, the two fathers sat
back down. Happosai had returned to his seat and composed
himself, and puffed away on his pipe.
"Please, Kasumi," he said, "do continue."
"Well," Kasumi said, "that's really all I had to say. Despite
what father or anyone else thinks, my decision stands. I may not
be much of a martial artist, but I'm the daughter of Soun Tendo. I
can't back out. This is a matter of honor, and I have as much honor
as anyone in this house. I'm going to fight Mousse, and that
decision is final."
***
"Airen act very strange," Shampoo said. "Something not
right. Kasumi act very strange, too. Shampoo very worried."
It was midmorning of the next day. It was Friday, and
Shampoo helped her great-grandmother in the kitchen of the
Nekohanten, preparing for the lunch rush.
"Acting strange?" Cologne said, sliding another batch of
ramen noodles into her largest wok. She watched as the neat rows
of pasta were engulfed in a storm of bubbling oil. "How so?"
"Ranma wear dress all times Shampoo see him," Shampoo
said. "He always in girl form, always act like girl."
"Hmm, that does sound odd," Cologne said. "That's very
unlike son-in-law, unless he's up to something."
"He very cool to Shampoo," the girl continued. "Kasumi talk
strange too... not speak very nice to Shampoo. Kasumi always be
nice to Shampoo in before times!"
Before Cologne could comment further, a jingle of bells
announced the entrance of a new customer. Cologne hopped up
onto the countertop, ready to take an order, and was surprised to
see that their visitor was Kasumi Tendo herself.
"Kasumi, dear," Cologne said, warmly, "what can I do for
you?"
"Good day, Cologne-sama," Kasumi replied. "I was
wondering if I could ask a favor of you?"
"Of course, dear! I'm happy to help. What is it that you
need?"
Kasumi looked around nervously. "Well," she said, "It's like
this. I want to surprise Grandfather Happosai, to cook something
for him that he would never expect, something that he hasn't had in
years, but which he likes a lot. I know that you two knew each
other a long time ago, and I was hoping that you would know if he
had a favorite recipe from his youth, something that you could
teach me to cook..."
Kasumi smiled wanly. "I guess you could say, Cologne, that
what I really need is... special training. In cooking, at least."
Cologne's already large eyes grew even wider.
***
END PART FIVE
Remember, if the world hands you lemons, fight back! Write
something different!
Enjoy! And if you don't, write me anyway!
M.A. Davis aka "Miko"
belldandy@angelic.com
http://listen.to/bell/
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From: bellchan89@my-dejanews.com
Subject: [Ranma][Fanfic] Monkey Head Butting 6 of 9
Monkey Head Butting!
m a davis/miko belldandy@angelic.com
Previous chapters at:
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Characters are copyright Takahashi Rumiko, no infringement
intended. This is a fan work only, not for profit.
Monkey Head Butting
PART SIX
***
It was Friday afternoon, less than 24 hours before the fight,
and Nabiki was on the phone. She had orders to make, deliveries
to schedule, and plans still to be laid. Standing in the downstairs
hallway, the phone cord idly wrapped about one finger, she
rechecked the list of things to do in her head. She was, admittedly,
overextending herself and her finances, but as they said, it takes
money to make money, and without question Nabiki expected to
make money.
At times like this she wondered whether it wouldn't make
sense to have a private phone line, if not her own office.
"Yes. I'll need everything there and set up by 9 a.m.. I want
time to prepare everything. Don't worry, I'll make sure someone's
there to meet you. Yes, timing is very important; if you're late then
I reserve the right to terminate the contract. Oh, until 3 p.m. or so,
that should be plenty of time. That sounds great! It's been a
pleasure doing business with you!"
Nabiki hung up the phone, her mind racing.
*So much for the stand,* she thought. *Now I need to contact
the food venders and distributors. Let's see, Midori and Kyoko are
putting up the flyers... am I forgetting anything?*
Well, she still had to maneuver Ranma into helping her, but
that wouldn't be hard. The boy-girl was clearly desperate to
increase her cooking skills in any way possible, and desperation
was a key that opened doors.
Nabiki smiled to herself. She hadn't known what to do about
Ranma's sudden cooking fetish last night, but all it took was a little
thought and a good night's sleep. Now, with any luck, she would
see a nice side profit tomorrow, on top of all the bets.
Which was not to say that Nabiki believed in luck, or left
anything to chance.
***
Ranma stepped into the dojo, dressed in her new gi. She'd
practiced for an hour in the morning, and it had felt good. An hour
of practice before she began dinner would be even better,
although, if she really wanted to improve, she would have to find a
way to get in more than two hours of practice a day.
Earlier this morning she'd been so wrapped up in her planned
visit to the Nekohanten, and her need to fool Cologne, that she'd
completely forgotten her mother's request of the day before. But
Ranma had made a promise, and her word was always good. Now
she leaned back against the dojo wall, watching Akane practice,
and wondered how, exactly, she would be nice to her.
Akane's movements were very fluid. This was in great
contrast to how she'd been when Ranma first met her; when she'd
been all strength and brute force, and lacking in grace. She'd
known the basics of Anything Goes Martial Arts, but not the more
complex katas. But Ranma had spent years in intense training with
her father, while Akane had practiced an hour or two a day, if that.
Now, as she watched, Akane moved through her most
difficult katas with the grace of a ballet dancer. Ranma had been
teaching advanced maneuvers to her for six months now, and it
clearly was paying off. As Ranma had put it, if she were to
someday help run the dojo -- and she wasn't saying she would or
wouldn't -- then she should at least be familiar with all of the
moves, if not an expert at them.
But she was good. She was not a match for Ranma or Ryoga,
but she was very much improved. Training with a master -- even a
young and arrogant one like Ranma -- tended to have that effect.
She was a match for Ukyo at this point, or even Shampoo, and
would soon be a match for Mousse, if Ranma had anything to say
about it. True, she lacked Ranma's speed, but she'd adapted
maneuvers to fit her strengths, which were, basically, strength.
She would never master the Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken -- the
chestnut fist -- but she understood the principle, at least.
She was making progress on a variation of the chi blast.
Ranma had always been convinced that Akane's formidable battle
aura could be translated into a powerful chi blast, but when she'd
first suggested basing it, not on depression or self-confidence, but
on anger... well, Akane had become angry. Ranma smiled at the
memory. Akane was well on her way, now, to mastering a
technique nearly the equal of Ranma's Moko Takabisha or
Ryouga's Shishihokoden. When she had that down, she would be
Mousse's equal.
Ranma took a great deal of pride in her first, and so far only,
student. Now, if Akane could only master the Hiryu Shoten Ha...
but her anger worked against her with that technique.
Akane finished her katas, and, heading towards the door,
noticed Ranma for the first time.
"Konichiwa, Ranma," Akane said. "How long have you been
waiting?"
"Good afternoon, Akane," Ranma said in return. "I haven't
been here long. You... you look... nice."
There. She'd said it.
Akane looked surprised, and then annoyed. "Right after a
workout?" she said. "You must be joking; I'm all hot and sweaty."
"No," Ranma said, "I mean that. You look nice, Akane."
"Are you okay Ranma? Oh, wait. You want something, don't
you?"
"No, nothing," Ranma said, becoming irritated. "I'm just
trying to be nice to you, that's all. Why's that such a big deal?"
"What did you do?" Akane said. "I'm going to find out
eventually, you know. You might as well just tell me now, and get
it over with."
"I didn't do nothin'!"
`
Akane rolled her eyes as she walked past him. "Sure, Ranma,
sure. Well, I suppose I'll find out soon enough."
Ranma stared after her. "Why, that uncute tomboy..." he
muttered.
***
Kasumi descended the stairs, dressed in Ranma's loose silk
top and pants. Despite her bold proclamation of the evening
before, she Felt anything but confident in her ability to battle
Mousse. She was well aware that the Joketsuzoku Amazon
tribesman was a more brutal opponent than Ranma's other friends;
only Mousse used deadly weapons as a matter of course. In fact,
he attacked with little else but his weapons.
She stepped into the kitchen, rather than heading straight to
the dojo. She wasn't looking forward to practice, one of her last
before the fight. She wondered idly if Ranma would help her
again, in exchange for her help with dinner. She hoped so.
Cooking had a calming, soothing effect on Kasumi, and right now
she needed that.
A notebook lay open on the counter. Kasumi glanced at it.
The top page contained a hand-written recipe. She picked the
book up and flipped through it, her brow furrowing in
bewilderment.
Bon-Bon Chicken? Three-Flavor Soup? These were Chinese
recipes... Szechuan recipes, in fact, or from that part of the world.
And this handwriting... it was Cologne's, if she weren't mistaken.
The Joketsuzoku Amazon village was somewhere in the Bayankala
mountains of the Xinghai Province, so maybe these recipes came
from there. Would they be so similar? Xinghai was near
Szechuan, right? But those provinces were huge, and Kasumi
wasn't sure where the Bayankala mountains were.
She studied the notebook some more. They were interesting
recipes, unlike anything she'd made before. Special recipes from
Cologne? Father had said something about Ranma being gone
much of the day. Ranma had claimed to be shopping, but clearly
he/she had dropped by the Nekohanten to talk with Cologne. What
could Ranma be up to now?
Some of the recipes called for a special Chinese stock.
Kasumi checked the refrigerator and found a small jar labelled
"stock, Joketsuzoku style". That was also in Cologne's
handwriting.
It was common knowledge in the Tendo household that
Nabiki knew all, while Kasumi was clueless. But the truth was
more complex, for Nabiki advertised her knowledge, while
Kasumi remained quiet. But very little occurred on Tendo
property of which Kasumi was not aware.
With a knowing smile, Kasumi set the notebook down where
she'd found it, and headed for the dojo.
***
Nabiki skipped down the stairs, finally satisfied that all of her
plans were in order. Now she was hungry, and she didn't want to
wait for dinner like she had last night. She checked the kitchen,
and was happy to find the refrigerator stocked with delicious food
left over from Ranma's culinary struggles. She fixed herself a
quick plate and headed into the family room.
Her father and Mr. Saotome huddled over the dinner table,
carefully sorting through a huge pile of trash. Shredded paper lay
scattered all over the table, with several large piles rising out of the
main mass like volcanoes rising from the Pacific.
"What's this?" Nabiki asked, kneeling. "Have you traded in
your games of shogi for a jigsaw puzzle? Or have we joined a
recycling program where you sort scraps by size and color?"
"This," Soun said, "is what is left of Tofu-Sensei's book.
Somewhere in here is the key to restoring Ranma and Kasumi to
normal."
Nabiki's eyes went wide. The two were actively doing
something to resolve the problem, finally. Well, wasn't that a
surprise? Perhaps she should have disposed of the scraps
somehow...
"Where's all of this been the last two days?"
"In a safe place," Soun said.
"We hoped to avoid all of this..." Genma said.
"I can see why," Nabiki replied, studying the piles of scrap
paper. "What a mess. And you're going to put it all back together?
All the king's horses, and all the king's men, if you ask me."
Genma frowned. "All the king's horses...?" He stared at her
blankly.
"Famous Western nursery rhyme," Nabiki said, popping a
sushi roll into her mouth. "Oh, I suppose you're not familiar with
nursery rhymes, are you? Too much wandering the globe, doing
the martial arts thing, I suspect."
Genma shook his head, already focused again on the task
before him. Nabiki watched the two of them work for several
minutes, not sure whether to be relieved or annoyed. On the one
hand, she didn't want them to solve Ranma and Kasumi's problem
before noon Saturday. On the other hand, she realized that she did
want them to find a solution, eventually. Ranma as an older sister,
and Kasumi as a sex-changing martial artist, just wasn't right.
Besides, she wanted to know how the secret technique worked
herself. It held some fascinating possibilities.
"Is this your best idea for a solution?" she finally asked,
exasperated. "It's going to take you years to sort through this mess,
you know, and you don't even have a clue what the original looked
like."
"It's our only hope," Genma said. "Neither Tofu-Sensei nor
the Master can remember a thing."
"What about Cologne?"
"We can solve this without involving that woman," Soun
Tendo said with finality.
Nabiki sighed. "I hope you realize, there are thousands of
scraps here," she said.
"Indeed," Genma said. "The book was over 1,000 pages, and
Tofu-Sensei did a thorough job of destroying it."
"His skill in the craft is evident," Soun said. "No normal
human could hope to shred such a thick book so completely."
"He'd make a fine son-in-law, don't you think, friend Tendo?"
Soun nodded. "Believe me, Saotome, the thought has crossed
my mind. It's no secret that he and Kasumi are interested, although
getting them together... well, you know my first focus is to see
Ranma and Akane wed, and the future of the dojo secured. After
that, perhaps I can see to my eldest daughter's happiness."
"Good luck on pulling that one off," Nabiki said. It was true,
everyone knew of Dr. Tofu's feelings for Kasumi, and her feelings
for him, but getting either of them beyond that point was not a task
she envied.
"You forget, Nabiki," her father said. "I'll see Akane and
Ranma wed first. Anything else will be easy in comparison."
Nodding absently, Nabiki picked up a small scrap of paper. It
contained one-half of an unusual black and white photo. She
turned it over, wondering why it had caught her eye.
It was a picture of a piece of jewelry -- a metal brooch of
some sort. It wasn't a very pretty brooch either, made of a dull
gray metal and containing an odd, contorted caricature of what she
could only assume was meant to be monkey's face. Now where
had she seen this before?
Carefully palming and pocketing the scrap, Nabiki wandered
into the kitchen, the rest of her meal forgotten.
There, on the windowsill. She was certain she'd seen it sitting
right there, only a day ago. She crossed to the sink and began a
search of the entire area, but failed to turn the odd brooch up.
*I wonder if Ranma took it,* she thought. *He can't know
what it is, surely...*
Nabiki allowed herself a small, satisfied smile. *Monkey
head-butting,* she thought. *Who'd have suspected it? But I'll
wager money that I'm right -- and when I bet, I win. Always.*
***
Early Saturday morning, Kasumi stood in front of the
bathroom mirror, brushing out her bright red hair. She was already
dressed in Ranma's silk top and black pants. She had a growing
knot in the pit of her stomach, and she dearly wished that the day
were already over, or that she somehow didn't have to go through
with this. But, deep in her heart, she knew it was the right thing to
do. She was resolved to see it through, no matter the cost.
She heard the soft pad of barefooted footsteps, and turned to
see Akane, still in her pajamas, coming up behind her.
"Ohayoo, Oneechan," Akane said. "Here, let me braid your
hair."
"I was thinking of leaving it down, like this," Kasumi said.
Akane shook her head. "Sis, if you're really going to fight
Mousse, then you need to show up, not just as Ranma, but as male
Ranma. That means braiding your hair like he always does,
otherwise people are going to wonder."
"I suppose you're right," Kasumi said. She stood still while
Akane gathered her hair and began weaving it. It was odd,
standing next to Akane like this, because Akane was currently a
little taller than her. Ranma's female self had always been shorter
than Akane, and despite several days, Kasumi wasn't quite used to
it.
"I wish Ryoga had been here last night," Akane said. "He's
much better to train against that Mr. Saotome or I am."
"Well," Kasumi said, "at this point it's not going to matter too
much. Besides, you know how he is, always getting lost."
"P-chan disappeared last night too," Akane said. "I wonder if
he's with Ryoga?"
A mysterious look crossed Kasumi's face. "I... um, I suppose
that could be..."
"Although I don't know," Akane continued, "I can't remember
whether he's mean to P-chan like Ranma is. For some reason, I
think Ryoga and P-Chan get along better than that."
Kasumi nodded, not wanting to pursue the conversation
further. "In any case," she said, "I'm glad you helped me, and
Ranma and Mr. Saotome. Father couldn't even bear to watch last
night, let alone help out. He's really concerned for me."
"We all are, sis. Mousse isn't just another open-fist fighter;
he's a barbarian who uses deadly weapons. You might get hurt, or
even..." she paused, her voice choking, and suddenly she grabbed
her eldest sister in a fierce hug. "Kasumi, you don't have to do
this! Forfeit the match! Everyone will understand! I don't know
what I'll do if I... if you..."
Kasumi turned to embrace her sister in return. "Akane, we've
been over this," she said. "I do have to do this. I realize that I can't
win, but I have to go through with this. Don't worry, I have all of
Ranma-kun's speed and his reflexes. I may not be able to fight, but
I can avoid Mousse's attacks."
She pulled back, and smiled. "Look, it's a few hours before
the fight, but I want to get some last-minute practice in. I think it's
time for me to become male Ranma now. As much as I'm not
looking forward to it, it's probably best if I showed up that way."
Akane nodded woodenly. "I... I'll get the hot water started,"
she said.
"Wait." Kasumi paused to pin something to her shirt. "How
does that look?" she asked.
"A brooch?" Akane asked. "What's it for?"
"It's just a brooch I found the other day. It's kind of cute, don't
you think? Ranma must have washed it off and put it on the
kitchen windowsill. I was thinking of wearing it for the match.
You know, I'll be completely male, and I'll be doing something
violent... I just thought this would help. It's a reminder of who I
am. Regardless of what I look like or what I'm doing, I'm really
Kasumi Tendo, not a martial artist, and not a man."
"It's not a good idea to wear jewelry in a fight," Akane said,
"but if you really want to..."
***
"You want me to what?"
"Look," Nabiki said, "you want to improve your cooking
skills, right? Well, here's an excellent opportunity to do just that.
I'm doing it for you, Ranma."
Ranma Saotome stood at the edge of the open, grassy lot that
was the usual site for a Nerima battle. She stared at the fast food
booth sitting front and center, stocked with all of the raw materials
and equipment necessary to churn out mounds of sushi and grilled
squid. The signs very clearly stated that it was Kasumi Tendo's
food being served, and Ranma was not a big enough fool to miss
that little detail.
"Kasumi has quite the reputation in our neighborhood, doesn't
she?" Ranma said. "After all, she's taken food to social functions
before, and we've had friends and neighbors over for dinner.
People talk. I'm sure it's a well-known fact that she's a very good
cook..."
"I wouldn't know," Nabiki said smoothly. "I'm just here to
help you train, Ranma. You want to beat Happosai, don't you?"
Ranma sighed. She was almost to the point where she did
whatever Nabiki said without argument. Nabiki always had her
bases covered. Ranma was, as always, in her debt, Ranma needed
all the cooking practice she could get, and... well, Nabiki could
probably supply a dozen more reasons if asked.
"Okay, Nabiki," Ranma said, "but for this, I want to see my
debt reduced. Deal?"
"Whatever you say, Ranma-chan."
"Okay then. What do you want me to do?"
***
When Ukyo showed up two hours before the fight, she was
surprised to find a food stand already there, right where she wanted
to place hers. The offending vendor was not a Chinese Amazon
matriarch, but the eldest Tendo sister, Kasumi. Ukyo frowned, not
quite sure what to make of this development. She sensed the hand
of another Tendo in this.
Ukyo glanced back at the three burly men who stood behind
her with huge bundles in their hands. Behind them a beautiful girl
-- or someone who looked like a beautiful girl -- also waited
patiently.
"Over there," Ukyo said, pointing to a spot not far from the
Tendo booth. The men dropped their bundles in the chosen spot
and began assembling a booth, under the watchful eye of Konatsu.
Ukyo smiled, still amazed at what a free meal could accomplish.
She strolled over to inspect the Tendo booth.
It was large. Kasumi was in the back, busily assembling sushi
rolls. A refrigerated display case, already half-full, dominated the
left side of the booth.
"Sushi?" Ukyo asked, raising an eyebrow. She took in the
already sizzling grill on the right side and the large tank of squid
near it. "Squid, too? Are you running this by yourself, Kasumi, or
is Nabiki helping you?"
"Hmmm?" Kasumi said, distracted. "Oh, Nabiki's helping,
and Midori and Kyoko are supposed to help too, but it's mostly my
show. Want a squid?"
Ukyo shrugged. "Sure," she said.
Wiping her hands, Kasumi stepped quickly to the large tank,
swimming with small squid. Already the water was beginning to
turn black from their ink. "Which one do ya want?" Kasumi asked.
There was something odd about the way Kasumi moved and
spoke, but Ukyo couldn't quite put her finger on it. She pointed to
a squid at random, and Kasumi's hand darted in and out of the
water. Ukyo blinked, amazed at how quickly the eldest Tendo
sister had nabbed her pick.
In one fluid motion Kasumi sliced open the head of the squid
and slide it onto the hot grill. She brushed it with a thick, sweet
soy sauce, flipped it over, coated the back, and deftly skewered it
on a stick. She handed the squid, hot and dripping, with it's legs
flopping about, to Ukyo.
"Wow," Ukyo said. "I'm impressed! You've been practicing
that, haven't you?"
"A little," Kasumi said with a smile. Already she was back
working on her sushi. She slid another batch into the display case.
"Hope you enjoy it!" she said, without looking up.
Just then, Nabiki appeared. She glanced at the squid in
Ukyo's hand and frowned.
"Giving away the merchandise?" she asked Kasumi.
"Well," Kasumi said, "since it's just to help me practice..."
"Forgive me if I didn't make myself clear," Nabiki said. "I'm
helping you, yes, but I expect to turn a profit. This booth and all of
the supplies did not come cheap."
Ukyo bit into her squid. It was, in fact, quite good.
"So," she said, "you're competing against me, are you?"
"Something like that," Nabiki replied.
"Now I know why you wanted a non-competition fee. I
thought you were talking about the two Amazons, and I didn't see
how you could stop them from doing business here...."
"I made you a reasonable offer," Nabiki said. "You refused to
pay, so here I am."
Ukyo took another bite. "Somehow I doubt you made the
same offer to Cologne."
"Do I look stupid?" Nabiki said. "Even the yakuza leave that
woman alone."
Ukyo fingered the spatulas in her bandolier. "I'm not exactly
a pushover myself," she said, then let it drop. "Well, the squid's
ver y good. There ought to be a large crowd here, so I doubt you'll
cut into my business too much. But if you plan on making this a
permanent thing..."
Nabiki shrugged. "Maybe," she said, "maybe not. My fee still
stands, so if you want to avoid this next time, you know what to
do..."
***
By eleven a.m. there were three food booths set up. The
Tendo booth occupied the center of the spectator's area, while U-
Chan's and the Nekohanten flanked it on each side. Nabiki and
Ranma were already so busy that they almost didn't notice when
their fathers showed up, with Akane and the now-male Kasumi.
"Ran-chan!" Ukyo called out from their left.
"Airen!" Shampoo called out from their right.
Ranma flinched, but her second and third fiancées headed
away from her.
Ukyo reached Kasumi-kun first, and launched herself head-
first at him. She narrowly missed a head-to-head collision as she
wrapped herself about him. "Ran-chan!" she exclaimed. "You're
going to win, I just know it!"
"Airen! You beat Mousse for sure!" Shampoo exclaimed.
She grabbed Kasumi's free arm in a fierce hug.
"Um," Kasumi said, trying to remove the pair. "Girls, I...
could you let go? I need to get ready for the fight..."
Trying to ignore the whole scene, Akane walked on, past
Ukyo's booth to the one in the center. She stopped, reading the
sign over it, then glanced at the two people managing it.
"Nabiki?" she said. "Ranma? What are you two up to?"
"Just a little extra business!" Nabiki said, flashing her most
innocent smile. "Nothing more!"
"Wow!" Akane exclaimed, looking the operation over. "A
Tendo food booth! Can I help?"
"No, no," Nabiki said quickly. "We've got enough help,
thanks! Besides, Kasumi is going to need your support, right?"
Akane glared at her sister, then back at Kasumi, still
struggling to remove Ranma's two "cute" fiancées. "Well..." she
said.
"I knew you'd understand, Akane!" Nabiki exclaimed. "Here,
have a squid, half off!"
Akane shot her another glare. "Half-off?" she asked.
"Nabiki, I'm your sister..."
"Hey, I can't make money if I give them away, can I?"
***
A large crowd had gathered to watch the event. To most,
Ranma's victory was a foregone conclusion, but with money riding
on the outcome, few were inclined to miss it. There was always
good food -- in fact, all three food booths were doing a brisk
business -- and even if Ranma won, these fights always had some
interesting twists and turns. All-in-all, they were better
entertainment than an afternoon at the ballpark.
At the stroke of noon, Kasumi and Mousse walked to center
of the field. They were met by Nabiki, who stood to the side, not
quite between them.
"Are the two fighters ready?" Nabiki called out loudly, so that
everyone could hear.
"Ranma!" Mousse growled. "When this day is over, Shampoo
will be mine!"
"Shampoo agree to no such thing!" a voice called out from the
nearby ramen stand.
"Very well!" Mousse continued, never breaking stride.
"Ranma! When this day is over, you shall no longer stand between
Shampoo and I..."
"This fight has no bearing on Son-In-Law's engagement with
Shampoo!" a second voice called out.
"Ranma is engaged to my daughter Akane!" a third voice
yelled. "How many times must I repeat it?!?"
Mousse looked flustered, but rallied for a third try. "Ranma!
After I've beaten you, you'll be..." he pause, searching for the right
phrase. "...you will be defeated!"
He glanced over at the ramen stand, as if daring anyone to
contradict him. When no one did, he glared triumphantly at his
opponent.
Kasumi-kun looked momentarily perplexed, then he smiled
sweetly. "Good luck to you too, Mousse!" he said. "May the best
person win!"
This seemed to confuse the Chinese boy. He took a step
back, and adjusted his glasses. "Don't try to trick me, Ranma!" he
said. "If you don't take this fight seriously, you'll pay!"
"Let me ask again," Nabiki said. "Are you two quite ready?"
She got a firm nod from Mousse, and a far more tentative one
from Kasumi. "Okay, then," she continued, in a much louder
voice. "Bow to your opponents, please!"
The two bowed simultaneously, their heads nearly colliding.
Mousse had to make a quick grab to keep his glasses from falling
to the ground.
Nabiki placed a hand to her forehead. "Whenever you're
ready, Mousse," she said. Mousse adjusted his glasses and nodded.
"Okay, then." In a loud voice, she yelled out, "Let the fight
commence!"
Nabiki leapt back. The battle started immediately.
"Hakuchoken!" Mousse screamed, striking so quickly his
hands were a blur. "Fist of the White Swan!"
Kasumi-kun didn't have time to blink. Mousse caught him
squarely under the chin, and he was lifted up, off of his feet. He
tumbled backwards a dozen feet and landed in a heap.
Mousse looked startled. It was clear that he hadn't expected
to land his first blow so quickly and easily.
"Airen!" Shampoo exclaimed, from behind her booth.
"Ran-chan!" Ukyo exclaimed, from behind her booth.
"Kasu... Ranma!" Akane yelled, running onto the field. She
fell to her knees beside her sister/fiancée, grabbing his hand. "Are
you okay? Ka... Ranma, are you okay?"
Kasumi-kun lay flat on the grass, a dazed look on his face.
"I'm... I'm okay, Akane, I..." he sat up abruptly, just as Akane
leaned in. Their two heads met with a crack.
Both collapsed to the ground. Mousse, standing nearby,
frowned impatiently. "Is the fight over already?" he asked. "Come
on, Ranma! At least make this look good! I can't beat you if you
don't fight me!"
Soun Tendo ran onto the field, water flowing from his face.
"Kasumi, I must put a stop to this! Kasumi! I won't allow you to
continue this charade!"
In front of the Tendo food stand, Ranma's friends Daisuke and
Hiroshi exchanged glances.
"Kasumi?" Hiroshi asked. "Do you see Kasumi out there?"
"That looks like Ranma to me," Daisuke said.
"Oh my! I'm right here!" Ranma said from behind the stand.
She smiled sweetly. "Oh my! Father must be really confused!
Would you like another squid? Oh my! Oh my!"
Daisuke looked at Hiroshi. He raised and eyebrow, then
shrugged.
"Sure, Miss Tendo!" he said. "I'd love one!"
On the field, Kasumi and Akane were sitting up. Their father
hovered over them, tears rolling down his cheeks and dripping
from his chin. "Kasumi!" He exclaimed. "My poor Kasumi! Tell
them you'll forfeit! Please!"
"Dad?" Akane asked. She glanced over at Kasumi, and froze.
The person next to her wasn't Kasumi. It was a young girl
with short, dark hair in a page cut. She wore a light yellow dress,
and she was looking very confused.
Akane glanced down at herself. She wore a red silk Chinese-
style top, and black pants. Her chest was flat and muscular. She
reached behind her head, and found the pigtail that she knew was
there.
She glanced back at the girl next to her... at herself... at
Kasumi, in her body.
With Akane's voice, Kasumi said, "Oh, my!"
Meanwhile, behind the counter of the Nekohanten stand, an
old Amazon with white hair studied the center of the field intently.
She glanced back at the stand nearby, and the eldest Tendo sister
running it, then back to the field, where Son-In-Law was slowly
getting up.
"Why Tendo-san yell out 'Kasumi'?" Shampoo asked.
"Kasumi not on field! Is he blind like Mousse?"
"I thought something was odd yesterday," Cologne said, half
to herself. "Could it be? But it's been a hundred years since I last
heard of that technique! I wonder..."
***
END PART SIX
Remember, if the world hands you lemons, fight back! Write
something different!
Enjoy! And if you don't, write me anyway!
M.A. Davis aka "Miko"
belldandy@angelic.com
http://listen.to/bell/
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From: bellchan89@my-dejanews.com
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Monkey Head Butting 7 of 9 (full)
Monkey Head Butting!
m a davis/miko belldandy@angelic.com
Previous chapters at:
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Characters are copyright Takahashi Rumiko, no infringement
intended. This is a fan work only, not for profit.
Monkey Head Butting
PART SEVEN
***
The world spun and tossed Akane about like a ship in a storm.
Her head rang like a school bell. There was a growing lump on her
forehead, and the realization that her problems had just become a
great deal worse.
She was in the middle of a field, surrounded by dozens,
perhaps hundreds, of people. It seemed that half the neighborhood
had gathered to watch the fight, and they were all staring at her,
and she... she was a guy.
That phrase kept echoing in her head, driving out all other
thought. She didn't know what to think, or how to feel.
This must be how Ranma felt, switching genders without any
warning. How very odd it was, how... terrifying. For that matter,
she was in Ranma's body, so this was exactly how he felt. A
simple splash of water would make her female again, but that
knowledge wasn't entirely reassuring.
Her father hovered over her, concern and anger etched in his
face. Her sister Nabiki was also nearby, and Ranma's rival,
Mousse, stood in the background. Right in front of her, sprawled
on the grass, was... well, herself, or her body, at least. Her eldest
sister Kasumi stared out from Akane's eyes with a stunned
expression, exactly how Akane felt herself.
"Tell them!" her father wailed. "Tell them you'll forfeit!"
"It's okay, sis," Nabiki said. "I've already collected on all of
the bets. You can forfeit any time you like; you don't have to go
through with this."
"Ranma, forfeit?" Mousse said, not grasping the situation.
"Don't make me laugh!"
"Oh, Father," Kasumi -- the person who looked like Akane --
said. "That's not Kasumi -- I mean, that's not me -- I mean..."
Nabiki's eyes focused on the brooch pinned to Ranma's shirt.
"Hey!" she exclaimed, and then went silent, glancing back at
Kasumi. Her eyes narrowed.
"There's been enough of this foolishness," Soun said. "I will
not sit by and watch my daughter get hurt."
"No, Father. I mean I'm Kasumi!"
Soun looked at his youngest daughter, not quite
comprehending. He blinked, then looked back at the young man
who, until recently, had been his future son-in-law.
"Akane?" he asked, tentatively.
Akane, now the pig-tailed boy in the Chinese clothing,
nodded. "Hi, Dad," she -- he -- said. "We sort of bumped heads,
and..."
"Ranma!" Mousse yelled. "I demand that you fight me!"
"Do you mind?" Akane-kun yelled back. "This is a private
family discussion!"
Soun Tendo fainted dead away.
"Oh! Poor Father!" Kasumi said, grabbing his hand. "All of
this confusion is too much for him!"
A purple blur flew at Akane, and suddenly Shampoo wrapped
herself around Akane-kun. "Ranma okay?" she asked. "Is only
one punch, yes? You no lose to Mousse, yes?"
"Shampoo!" Akane-kun and Mousse cried out, together.
Akane tried to shove the Amazon girl away, while Mousse leapt
forward to embrace her. From nowhere Shampoo produced a large
brick and careened it off of Mousse's forehead, knocking the boy
back. Still holding Akane-kun's hand, she locked eyes with him.
"You beat Mousse now, yes?" she asked.
Akane-kun stood, shaking Shampoo's hand loose. He glanced
at his two sisters, then down at himself. He flexed his arms
experimentally. He threw a couple of quick punches, then stared
at his hands.
*I'm much faster,* he thought, *and stronger. At least, I'm
strong all the time, without being angry...*
He experimented with a kick, almost losing his balance.
*My center of gravity's off,* he thought. *Higher. I'll have to
remember that.*
"Come on, Ranma!" Mousse said. "Stop screwing around!"
Akane-kun stared at Mousse. He'd never fought with Mousse
before, but in Mousse's first battle with Ranma, the Chinese boy
had declared Akane as the stakes to be won. Then, in his second
appearance, he'd mistaken her for a toy stuffed pig, had kidnapped
her, and threatened to turn her into a duck with water from
Yaazuniichuan, the Spring Of Drowned Duck. Akane hadn't
forgotten that.
Still, he had no quarrel with Mousse. Akane rarely held a
grudge, and he'd always felt a bit sorry for the lovesick boy. But
his constant attacks on Ranma were annoying and disruptive. If
only he'd stop...
Once, Akane had suggested to Ranma that he lose on purpose
to get rid of Mousse. Ranma had had too much pride to actually
do it, but Akane was not too proud.
"Akane!" her father said, snapping to full consciousness.
"Tell them you'll forfeit!"
"No, Dad," Akane-kun said, "I don't think I'm going to do
that..."
***
Nabiki stared at the brooch pinned to Akane-kun's shirt and
bit her tongue.
It wouldn't do for certain people to know what caused the
switch. That could lead to Ranma getting his own body back and
beating the stuffing out of duck-boy. Nabiki's financial ruin would
then be assured. No, it was best that Nabiki kept her mouth shut
about that little fact, at least for the moment.
Nabiki now had a problem. On a normal day, Akane could
cause a lot of trouble for Mousse. In Ranma's body, she threatened
to actually beat him. This was not, in Nabiki's estimation, a
positive development. She stood to lose a fortune if the fight didn't
end with a Mousse victory.
She didn't see a way around the predicament, yet. She needed
to get her hands on that brooch. In the meantime, she'd wait and
see if Akane's innate sympathy for others worked to her favor. If a
Mousse victory did not do away with the Mousse/Shampoo
problem, it was a step in the right direction. Akane should realize
that.
If she didn't... well, Nabiki would have to improvise.
***
Behind the Nekohanten stand Cologne served up bowls of
steaming ramen to customers. She wanted to know what was
happening on the field, but Shampoo had run off, and with Mousse
unavailable, Cologne was left to run a very busy booth.
She'd been suspicious since yesterday, when Kasumi had
shown up acting very strange. Ranma's actions of late had been
equally odd, according to Shampoo, and Cologne had begun to
think the unthinkable. Could the Monkey Brooch be involved?
She had not seen or heard of it for nearly 100 years, but more than
one of her tribe's ancient relics had turned up recently in the
possession of that old thief, Happi. A full account of what he'd
stolen from them had yet to be made.
Kasumi and Ranma, switching bodies? It was certainly
possible, as Cologne knew well. That left only two questions.
What could anyone hope to accomplish with such a bizarre
scheme, and why on earth would Son-In-Law go along with it?
***
Nabiki led Soun from the field, with Shampoo and the person
everyone took to be Akane trailing.
Mousse and Ranma's male form once again squared off.
Akane-kun, however, faced Mousse in battle for the first time ever.
He flexed his muscles and stood, waiting for Mousse to strike.
"Any time," Nabiki called out, after several moments passed.
"Don't wait on my account. I'm not going to start the fight again."
"Hakuchoken!" Mousse yelled again. His hands flashed out,
but unlike Kasumi's deer-caught-in-the-headlights act, Akane-kun
easily dodged the blow. His foot shot out, connecting with
something, and a large swan-shaped training potty went sailing
into the crowd.
"We'll have no more of that," Akane-kun said with a satisfied
smile. He was still getting a feel for the balance and power of this
body, but already he felt capable of anything he wished to attempt.
"Heh!" Mousse laughed, leaping back. "That's more like it,
Ranma!" He adjusted his glasses, and spread his arms. "Now,
Ranma, prepare to die!"
Akane-kun crouched, waiting for the attack. Mousse's arms
moved in a blur, and twin balls on chains flew from his hands.
Akane-kun side-stepped the heavy missiles, tripped, and fell on his
face.
He bounced back up, just in time to take a massive metal ball
to the gut. Knocked back, Akane-kun spun about, stumbled, and
plowed into the earth again.
"How does the dirt tastes this time of year?" Mousse called
out. A nasty weapon with a three-sided blade thudded into the
ground next to Akane, and he rolled backwards, scrambling to get
to his feet.
*Okay,* he thought, *I'm not capable of everything I want to
attempt. Right now I'll settle for staying on my feet....*
More weapons flew at him. He sidestepped again, managing
to keep his balance, and knocked them down. He frowned and
glanced at his arm, as if it had acted on its own accord, then he
grinned.
"Care to try that again?" he asked.
*It has to look good,* Akane-kun thought. *If Mousse figures
it out, he'll be back to harass Ranma again. But if he believes he's
really defeated Ranma, that might change things....
*The question is, can I make this look good?*
From what he'd seen in the past, Mousse could take a lot of
punishment. Assuming he could control Ranma's body, he
wouldn't have to hold back much. If he just fought normally,
without resorting to any special maneuvers, things would work
themselves out. There would be an even battle, followed by a
mistake or two that would allow Mousse to win. That would
definitely throw a huge wrench into the whole
Mousse/Shampoo/Ranma equation, which was exactly what Akane
wanted.
Right now, special manuevers were definately out of the
question, anyway.
Chains flew from Mousse's sleeves and whipped about
Akane-kun's body, surprising him and pinning his arms. He
twisted and got a hand on the chains, then pulled, as he'd seen
Ranma do in the past. Mousse was yanked off his feet. Akane-
kun laughed as Mousse came flying right at him.
Grinning like a madman, Mousse twisted in the air and
attempted to head-butt Akane-kun. It was such an odd and
unexpected move that Akane-kun almost didn't recognize it. At
the last moment he ducked and rolled away, cursing and shaking
loose from the chains.
*That's right,* he thought, assuming a new stance. *Mousse
is essentially a barbarian. He'll use any trick at all to win the
fight.*
As if responding to the thought, Mousse lobbed several eggs
that exploded in a cloud of noxious smoke. Akane-kun coughed
and stumbled backwards, trying to see, and then shuriken flew past
his forehead. He leapt up and back, desperate to put some space
between him and the young hidden-weapons master.
*This guy's trying to kill me!* Akane-kun thought. *This isn't
like any fight I've ever been in... if I keep underestimating him, I'm
dead!*
Again he assumed a defensive stance. "I'd better get serious
here," he said, then realized how much of a Ranma-ism it was.
*Jeez, five minutes in his body and I start talking like him? I hope
Ranma gets this switching business figured out, quick!*
***
Kasumi took a seat on the grassy hillside next to Akane's
friends, Sayuri and Yuka. Although it felt a little odd to be in her
sister's body, it was definitely a trade up from where she'd been.
She was glad that it was Akane out there facing Mousse, rather
than her. Akane would know what to do.
"Now that's the Ranma I know," Yuka said appreciatively.
Kasumi smiled at Akane's friend. "Do you really think so?"
she asked.
"Oh, definitely. You can't mistake his moves for those of
anyone else," Yuka said. "I have no idea how Mousse landed that
first blow, but he's not going to land many more at this rate."
Kasumi smiled and watched the fight develop. It was true,
Akane looked a lot like Ranma out there. The combination of her
training and Ranma's strength, speed, and reflexes was a good
match. She'd have to deal with how his body was balanced, and
how it moved, but a martial artist like Akane would probably pick
that up much faster than Kasumi had.
"Ranma's so powerful and masculine," Sayuri said. "I mean,
even when he's a girl, you can tell...."
"He's definitely not like the other boys at school," Yuka
agreed.
"The only one who possibly compares to him is that Ryoga,
and with him, you just don't know..."
"Not dependable," Yuka said. "He'd never be around when
you needed him."
"You're really lucky, Akane, having a fiancée like Ranma."
"Yeah," Kasumi said with a sigh. Beside her, Akane's two
friends face-faulted.
Kasumi stared out at the two figures on the field, allowing her
mind to roam. What might it be like, if Ranma were to switch
back but she remained as she was, with Akane in her body? She
would be the same age as Ranma, and wouldn't she then be
Ranma's fiancée? What would it be like, she and Ranma,
together?
Kasumi blushed, embarrassed by her selfish thoughts. Akane
loved Ranma, she knew, and she was pretty sure he loved her as
well. As for herself, attending school again for a week had been
fun, but high-school kids were too immature for her tastes. She
couldn't see herself going through a full year of high school again.
She'd be happy to get her own body back.
Still, she thought, it might be nice, just once, if she were the
one who got kidnapped by some handsome but villainous
scoundrel. Ranma was always rescuing Akane, and it seemed so
exciting and romantic... but she couldn't quite imagine Tofu doing
the same with her. When she tried to imagine it, she got a vision
of him, with his glasses all fogged up, dancing around with Betty-
chan, while the villain watched in confusion.
*If only he were a little bit more like Ranma,* she thought.
*Not a lot, just... a little more arrogant... a little more possessive...
a little less of a clown....*
"Ranma sure is something else," Yuka said.
Kasumi nodded, only half listening.
***
Akane-kun let Mousse attack while he concentrated on
blocking and dodging without tripping. It became easier as the
fight progressed. Ranma was fast, and rarely needed to go all-out
against an opponent, and now that speed and power were at
Akane's command. It was intoxicating, but it was like a driving
student behind the wheel of a race car: Akane kept over-steering,
and he didn't know how to shift properly.
He concentrated on how this body felt, how it moved and
responded, and he tried to relax and let the body's instincts surface.
As the fight developed, he got a feel for the body's balance, and for
the speed that was his to command. He began to not only dodge,
but to dart in and tag Mousse with a punch or two. He was toying
with Mousse a bit, but that was what people expected Ranma to
do, so Akane-kun continued to do it. Predictably, it enraged
Mousse.
"Ranma, you coward!" Mousse yelled. "Stand still and fight
me like a man!"
"Why? So you can slice me open?" Akane-kun shot back.
"You take me lightly at your peril!" Mousse growled. He
drew himself up to his full height, adjusted his glasses, and
unleashed an all-out assault.
Akane-kun's eyes went wide with surprise. Chained and
bladed weapons came at him from all directions, like hail driven
by the wind. It was all he could do to weave and dodge, spinning
about like a contortionist in an attempt to avoid them.
He didn't quite succeed. One steel ball punched him in the
upper chest, producing a very sharp pain like a knife to the heart.
Akane-kun winced. Dodging another blow and skipping back out
of the way, he probed the bruise. His hand encountered the odd
brooch that Kasumi had pinned there earlier this morning.
*I told her it was dangerous to have something like that on in
a fight,* Akane-kun thought, ripping the brooch free. He took a
moment to lob it towards the Tendo food stand.
"Kasumi!" he yelled. "Catch!"
***
"Miss Tendo! You're running a food stand?"
Ranma, busy grilling another squid, glanced up to see her two
so-called friends, Hiroshi and Daisuke. "It sure looks like it!" she
said with a smile. "Can I get you boys anything?"
"Wow, Miss Tendo!" Daisuke said, "I'd pay for your food any
day!"
"Two squid please!" Hiroshi said, pulling out a wad of well-
crumpled bills. "You want anything, Daisuke?"
Ranma scooped up the squid like a pro and, slicing them
open, laid them on the grill. Moments later she was handing the
skewered treats to the two boys, when she heard the cry in a voice
as familiar as her own, because it had been her own, up until
several days ago.
"Kasumi! Catch!"
Ranma looked up. She saw a small piece of metal flying
towards her, and leaned out over the counter to catch it.
At the same moment Kasumi, reacting to the sound of her
name, jumped up and ran after the flying brooch. She watched it
sail past her outstretched fingers, then another hand, as familiar as
her own, because it had been her own, snatched it out of the air.
There was a loud crack as her head encountered something
hard. The world seemed to spin and fill with stars. Kasumi
stumbled back and hit something -- a table -- and she placed a
hand out to steady herself.
The brooch fell from her hand, unnoticed.
Ranma stumbled backwards and fell onto the grass. Moments
later Daisuke and Hiroshi were helping her up
"Are you okay, Akane?" Daisuke asked.
"You hit your head pretty hard there," Hiroshi added.
"Akane?" Ranma said, head spinning. She blinked, looking at
the two boys and wondering how she'd wound up on this side of
the booth. *I must have tumbled over the counter,* she thought.
Then the name Akane got her attention again.
Hadn't she seen Akane running towards her, in that brief
second before collision?
Ranma put a hand to her forehead, realizing several things at
once. She hadn't been knocked out of the booth; she'd bumped
heads with Akane, and now she was out here, and inside the booth,
Nabiki steadied someone who looked a lot like Kasumi...
"Are you okay?" Nabiki asked, grabbing her older sister's arm
to keep her from stumbling.
It was Kasumi, Nabiki realized, back in her own body once
more. She glanced to her sister's hands, and then down on the
grass. She saw the object she was looking for, lying in the shade
beneath the table, next to an open box of skewer sticks.
Sometimes life is like that. She'd been desperately trying to
work out how to get her hands on the odd little brooch, and then
fate placed it at her feet.
"I'm... I'm okay," Kasumi said, hand on her forehead. "Oh, my
head aches! I'm getting tired of switching like this...." She paused,
blinking, and glanced down at herself. "Oh! My own body again!
Well, that's much better, I had no idea I'd be back to normal so
soon!"
Nabiki bent down and palmed the brooch. She quietly slid it
into her pocket, then turned back to her older sister.
"You remember how to grill squid, don't you, Sis?" she asked.
Ranma tapped on the counter to get Nabiki and Kasumi's
attention.
"Akane?" she asked, looking into the eyes of the oldest Tendo
daughter. "Is that you?"
"Oh my, Ranma! You're in Akane's body now!"
Ranma's eyes went wide as she recognized the tone of the
voice. "Kasumi?" she asked, not really needing any confirmation.
"Then... who's out there?"
Ranma turned to view the battle between Mousse and
whoever was in her body at the moment. She'd been so busy
behind the booth that she hadn't been able to watch the fight, but
the two were going at it like... like... well, it looked like him out
there, battling Mousse! It certainly wasn't Kasumi.
"You haven't been keeping up with current events, have you,
Ranma?" Nabiki asked. "Akane's the one fighting Mousse."
"I was kind of busy cooking..." Ranma said, her voice trailing
off. "Wait! This means that stupid technique thing is working
again! I can get back into my own body again!"
Ranma dashed off, in the direction of the field. Behind the
booth, Nabiki played with the object in her pocket and smiled
enigmatically.
***
Akane-kun dodged yet another bladed chain -- how many of
them did Mousse have anyway? -- and jumped in to land an open-
palm strike to the chin. Mousse stumbled back, but immediately
produced a large pole with a goofy-looking duck atop it. He thrust
it forward, and Akane-kun flipped backwards, narrowly avoiding
the gritty cloud of dust that spewed forth from the duck's mouth.
Akane-kun began to feel the ache in his limbs. *Has it been
long enough?* he thought. *Should I find a way to lose, now?*
Then, as if appearing from thin air, Kasumi was there, right in
front of him. At least, Akane's body was there....
She grabbed Akane-kun by the shoulders. "Akane!" she
exclaimed. "Bump heads with me!"
"Kasumi?" Akane-kun asked. "What?"
"Bump heads with me! It's me, Ranma! We can do it! I can
get back in my body!"
"Ranma?" Akane asked, confused. "What are you doing in
my body?"
Mousse launched another attack.
"Ranma, you idiot! Watch out!"
Akane-kun grabbed Ranma and leapt straight up, narrowly
avoiding a swarm of sharp metal blades slicing through the air,
trailing chain. The two landed twenty feet away, and Akane-kun
set Ranma down. He was suddenly aware of how much taller than
Ranma he was, now that they were switched. It felt unnatural.
"Ranma," he said, "get out of here or you're gonna get hurt!"
"Bump heads with me, Akane!"
Mousse launched another attack, and again Akane-kun had to
grab Ranma and pull her out of the way.
"Get out of my way, Ranma! I'm in the middle of a fight here,
or didn't you notice?"
"This is my fight!" Ranma growled. "Switch with me, Akane!
Let me handle him!"
"I know what I'm doing, Ranma!"
"No way, Akane! you're just gonna screw this up! Lemme
have my body back!"
***
On the grassy hill nearby, Ranma and Akane's friends
watched in growing confusion. Like everyone else, they had
difficulty following the fight.
"What are those two doing?" Sayuri asked. "Kissing? In the
middle of a fight?"
"No," Daisuke said, "it's definitely not that...."
"What is it, then?" Sayuri asked. "Is this making any sense to
you?"
"No," Daisuke replied, "but does it ever?"
"Still, this all sounds oddly familiar," Yuka said.
"Familiar, yet oddly different," Hiroshi added.
"Exactly," Yuka said. "Why do you suppose that is?"
"Perhaps because they're saying each other's lines?" Hiroshi
asked.
"Yeah," they all said, after a moment. A half-minute passed
in silence as they contemplated this.
"Why is that, do you think?" Yuka asked.
"I don't know," Hiroshi said. "It still isn't making sense to
me."
"Same here," Yuka said.
"You know," Sayuri said, "I've heard of people doing that in
therapy. Marriage counseling and stuff."
Daisuke considered this. "I suppose that makes sense," he
said.
"But in the middle of a battle?" Yuka asked.
"Well, you've got to consider who we're talking about here,"
Hiroshi said.
"I guess," Yuka said. "Well, if anyone needs counseling, it's
those two."
***
Akane-kun was torn. On the one hand, he very much wanted
to finish what he'd started. If Ranma finished the fight, he'd take
Mousse apart in his usual fashion, which would solve nothing.
Mousse would be back within two weeks to do it all again.
On the other hand, Akane-kun didn't want to be a boy for any
longer than necessary, even a sex-changing one. He wanted his
own body back.
Ranma made the decision for them. She jumped forward
without warning, and there was a sickening crack that was
becoming a very familiar sound. Akane and Ranma's heads
collided.
The two stumbled backwards, stars and bright lights flashing
before their eyes. Akane-kun shook his head, realizing that he was
still in Ranma's body.
Ranma glanced down at herself, distraught. "Why isn't it
working?" she demanded. "Come on, try again!"
"No!" Akane said, shoving her back. "Get off the field,
Ranma! You're in the way!"
"Ranma!" Mousse said, "if you can't keep your woman from
interfering..."
"Hey, butt out, Mousse!" Ranma growled. "This doesn't
concern you!"
Ranma again launched herself head-first at Akane-kun, who
dodged easily. Ranma repeated the maneuver, with Akane-kun
again dodging her. Akane dodged Ranma's attacks almost without
thought or effort, which only made Ranma more frustrated and
angry.
Mousse stood in the middle of the field, looking confused.
Leaping forward, he grabbed Akane and Ranma each by the scruff
of the neck and brought their two heads together with a loud crack.
"Hey!" Akane-kun yelled, her head swimming.
"Is that what you wanted?" the Chinese boy asked. "I can do
it again if you like."
"Ranma shook her head, aware that she was still in Akane's
body. "Why isn't it working?" she yelled. "Why does it only work
when you don't want it to?"
Mousse brought their heads together again. "We can try as
many times as you like," he said. "What are we trying to
accomplish, anyway?"
"Knock it off!" Akane-kun's foot shot out at Mousse's head.
The Chinese boy flipped back, out of the way, and assumed a new
stance. Akane-kun stumbled backwards, his head still spinning
from the repeated blows.
"Come on, Ranma," Mousse said. "Why must it always be
like this? Just once I'd like to fight you for real, without all of this
extraneous weirdness. Or are you afraid that you couldn't beat me
in a straight-up fight?"
"Get real!" Ranma and Akane-kun said at the same time.
Anger flashed in Akane-kun's eyes as he turned on Ranma. "Get
off the field, Akane!" he yelled. "This is a man-to-man fight! You
don't belong here!"
***
Remember, if the world hands you lemons, fight back! Write
something different!
Enjoy! And if you don't, write me anyway!
M.A. Davis aka "Miko"
belldandy@angelic.com
http://listen.to/bell/
Monkey Head Butting!
m a davis/miko belldandy@angelic.com
Previous chapters at:
http://members.xoom.com/bellchan/
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Characters are copyright Takahashi Rumiko, no infringement
intended. This is a fan work only, not for profit.
Monkey Head Butting
PART SEVEN (Part B, second half!)
***
Cologne left Shampoo in charge of the ramen stand and went
to check out the competition. In particular, she wanted to talk to
Kasumi Tendo -- if it was Kasumi Tendo. She was pretty certain it
wasn't.
The diminutive Amazon hopped up onto the flimsy counter of
the Tendo food stand and perched next to the squid tank.
"Kasumi, dear!" she said in a pleasant voice. "How are you
doing today?"
"Oh, hello, Cologne!" Kasumi said, flashing one of her
trademark smiles. "Can I get you anything?"
"No, dear, thank you. I was wondering how things were
going over here."
"Everything's wonderful!" Kasumi said. "This is really quite
fun, don't you think?"
Cologne's eyes narrowed. "Kasumi, dear, where is it?" she
asked.
Kasumi blinked, confused. "Where is what, Cologne?"
"You know what I'm talking about, Son-In-Law. Where are
you keeping it?"
"Oh, my, Cologne! I'm not Ranma, you know."
Cologne frowned. "It is an Amazon artifact. I don't know
how you've gotten it, but it belongs to my people. Perhaps
Happosai had it? It doesn't matter; he took many of our treasures,
and it's been missing for quite a long time."
Kasumi frowned, looking genuinely perplexed. "I'm afraid I
haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about, Cologne," she
said. "Are you sure you wouldn't like some sushi, or a grilled
squid?"
Cologne took in the stand and the woman running most of it.
She certainly sounded like Kasumi, rather than Son-In-Law. Still,
she could have sworn that just yesterday...
She paused, cocking her head slightly. "Kasumi, dear, do you
remember what I taught you yesterday?" she asked.
Kasumi blinked for just a moment, and then smiled warmly.
"The Bon-Bon Chicken and the Three-Flavor Soup?" she said.
"Why, of course I do, Cologne! How could I forget?"
"How... how very odd," Cologne muttered. Then she smiled.
"Well, that's good, dear," she said. "I hope those recipes work out
for you!"
"Thank you again for your help, Cologne!" Kasumi said with
a smile.
*I could have sworn that it wasn't really Kasumi I taught
yesterday, but... that's definitely Kasumi now, and she remembers
it all. I'm so seldom wrong....*
Out of the corner of her eye, Cologne noticed the other Tendo
sister, Nabiki, watching her just a little too carefully. Cologne
took note of it, thanked Kasumi, and hopped back to her own
stand, thinking.
That was Kasumi over there, now, but it had not been Kasumi
that came to her the day before. Of that much she was certain.
Something was up. She wasn't sure what, exactly, but she had a
good idea of whom to ask.
***
Ranma was pissed.
She sat on the grassy hill, watching the fight, muttering curses
to herself. Why wouldn't the head-butting thing work? Why?
What were they doing wrong? Did it only work by accident, never
on purpose? What kind of a technique was that, then?
And why was Akane acting like such a jerk about it?
Akane would screw everything up, Ranma just knew it. She
had the skill to defeat Mousse, true, and she was in his body... but
she'd find some way to mess it all up.
But it was his reputation on the line! Once Mousse had
defeated "Ranma", nobody would ever let him forget it!
Ranma watched the fight, feeling more angry and helpless
than she'd ever felt in her entire life.
Akane-kun gritted his teeth. This fight had gone on long
enough, and he was ready to end it, on his terms. *On the next
blow from Mousse, I'll just dodge a tad too slowly...*
A spiked ball on a chain came at him, and he dodged out of
the way.
*The next blow then,* he decided. *I'll stumble, just
enough...*
Mousse charged in, slicing away with twin swords. Akane-
kun's eyes went wide as he dodged back. "Hey! Those are sharp!"
he yelled.
"You fight like a girl, Ranma!" Mousse said. "I don't know
how you defeated me all those other times!"
Akane-kun didn't even flinch at the taunt. *This time,* he
thought, readying himself.
Mousse produced a studded staff and tried a leg-sweep.
Akane-kun leapt over it. Mousse spun the staff and lunged
forward, jabbing at Akane-kun's midsection. Akane-kun slid to the
side, grabbed the staff, ripped it from Mousse's hands, and snapped
it in two.
*Why did I just do that?* Akane-kun asked himself. *I want
to lose this fight, don't I?*
"What is she doing?"
Ranma glanced up. Nabiki stood beside her, watching the
fight intensely, a serious frown on her face.
"That stupid girl!" Nabiki said, more to herself than to
Ranma. "I don't believe it. She's actually trying to win. Doesn't
she get it? She's going to ruin everything!
"Akane!" she yelled at the top of her voice. "You have to
lose!"
Akane-kun glanced their way, and Nabiki continued. "You
want to get rid of Mousse, don't you? Let him win!"
Ranma's eyes went wide with alarm. That Akane might lose,
she'd been expecting... but that she might do it on purpose? That,
she hadn't considered... and it made far too much sense.
Ranma sprang to her feet. She had to do something to stop
this! But how to convince Akane to win?
Akane-kun blocked another attack from Mousse, cursing
himself for doing so. Why didn't he want to lose? Was he really as
vain as Ranma himself? When the shoe was literally on the other
foot, did he have to act just like that arrogant jerk? Couldn't he
find a way to lose that wouldn't hurt his ego?
But he knew the answer. People didn't respect Akane as a
martial artist. Even Ranma looked down on Akane, when all was
said and done. To be in this position, and to lose... well, he could
hear Ranma's taunts even now.
"Akane, you idiot! Are you stupid, or do you just look that
way? What makes you think you can beat Mousse?"
Akane-kun blinked. That... that phrase had echoed in her ears
so clearly, it was as if he'd actually heard Ranma say it.
"Do you hear me, you idiot? Face facts! You can't beat him!"
Akane-kun glanced at the crowd. Ranma stood front and
center, yelling at him at the top of her voice.
"You couldn't beat Mousse if your life depended on it!"
Ranma screamed. "You? A martial artist? Don't make me laugh!
I've known monkeys who were better martial artists than you, and
better looking to boot! Even with all that strength and speed, you
aren't half the martial artist I am! You don't stand a chance! Just
give up, before you get hurt!"
The air around Akane-kun began to glow a bright red. Waves
of heat rose from him, as his whole body trembled in anger. *That
stupid, insensitive jerk!* he thought furiously. *What's his
problem? He's been training me for the last six months; he knows
how good I am! Does he have to say that, in front of all these
people? That idiot!*
"Macho chick!" Ranma screamed. "Built like a brick! Arms
like sticks! Legs too thick! Talks like a hick!"
By this point, Akane's friend Yuka, like everyone else, was
thoroughly confused.
"Since when does Akane insult herself?" she asked.
"If you ask me," Hiroshi said, "they're carrying this whole
therapy thing way too far."
"I don't know about that," Midori said. "Role-playing can be a
useful tool in counselling."
"Hey!" Hiroshi said, "could it help Kuno, you think?"
"How do you mean?"
"You know... have him be the pig-tailed girl, and let Ranma
be the idiot with the wooden sword."
"I don't know," Yuka said. "I suppose it couldn't hurt..."
"RANMA NO BAKA!" Akane-kun yelled. His voice echoed
down the streets and alleyways of Nerima and off of the rooftops.
"All right!" Ranma said to herself. "That's the Akane I know!
Nobody does blind, unreasoning anger like her!"
Nabiki, wisely no longer standing right next to Ranma, raised
an eyebrow. "Is there a point to this little demonstration?" she
asked icily. "Or have you completely lost it?"
Ranma smirked. "Hey, I know what I'm doing," she said.
"You just watch!"
Mousse, distracted momentarily by Akane's strange outburst,
shook his head and turned back to face his opponent. He gathered
himself for a final assault.
"Enough of this!" he bellowed. "Just tell your stupid woman
to shut up, and let's finish this fight!"
Anger flashed in Akane-kun's eyes, anger piled on top of
anger. "BUTT OUT, Mousse!" Akane-kun growled. "This doesn't
concern you!!"
"Yeah!" Ranma yelled from the sidelines. "Butt out, Mousse!
Why would Ranma want Shampoo anyway, when he's got me?
You're such an idiot! What's that stupid Amazon bimbo got that I
haven't got, huh?"
Akane-kun's eyes bulged. He stared at Ranma. What was
wrong with that idiot? Had she finally, completely lost it?
Mousse's face turned bright red. "Don't be ridiculous!" he
yelled back. "Shampoo's twice the woman you are! Three times!
She's a far better cook, a much better fighter, and better looking to
boot! Why, you're just a stick-figured, flat-chested..."
Akane-kun spun, the fire in his eyes threatening to engulf the
whole field.
"Oh, I am, am I?" he yelled.
Mousse tossed several smoke-bombs at Akane-kun and leapt
high into the air. "This fight is over, Ranma!" he yelled.
"Shampoo will never be yours! TAKAZUMEKEN!! Talons Of
The Hawk!!"
A huge cloud of smoke rolled over the field, but within it
could be seen a human form, glowing with a brilliant red battle
aura. From the skies Mousse descended, and for a moment one
could almost see a giant hawk, talons extended, swooping down
for the kill. Below, the figure in red cupped its hands and aimed
them towards the sky.
Many of the spectators had seen Ryoga Hibiki's Shishi
Hokoudan, a massive chi blast that drew it's energy from his
depression. They'd also seen Ranma's counter chi-blast technique,
the Moko Takabisha, which was borne of his confidence. The
maneuver they witnessed now was a familiar one. They knew
what was coming.
What they couldn't know was that it wasn't Ranma out there,
but Akane. His unnamed chi-blast drew energy from his anger,
and he was about as angry as he'd ever been in his life.
The blast, larger than any Ranma had ever produced,
exploded upwards like a giant fireball. It was like hunting ducks
with a rocket-launcher; caught in mid-air, Mousse didn't stand a
chance. It caught him in the chest and lifted him a good thirty feet
into the air. As Mousse came down, Akane-kun swooped in,
screaming, "Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken!" His fists were a blur
as he pummeled Mousse's body with blow after blow. Mousse
crumpled into a heap.
Akane stood over the unconscious Chinese boy, breathing
heavily. *I did it!* he thought happily. *I've been trying to master
both of those maneuvers for weeks, and suddenly I got them both
right! I can't believe it!*
Moments later, Akane-kun began to frown. *Wait... I didn't
want to... I wasn't supposed to...*
"Airen!" a girl's voice called out.
"Ran-chan!" a second girl cried.
Two girls glomped onto Akane-kun, dragging him to the
ground.
"That best fight ever, Ranma! Mousse not challenge you
again for many days!"
"That was impressive, sugar! How did you produce such a
massive blast?"
"Girls," Akane-kun said, trying to pull the two off. "This isn't
right... Shampoo... Ukyo... let go of me, please! Get off of me!"
People crowded around, trying to congratulate him. His
father was there, and Genma Saotome, and his friends from school.
He tried to stand up, and then two hands reached in and pulled him
from the crowd.
Akane was brought face to face with... himself. Herself.
Whatever.
"Ranma?" Akane asked.
The girl with the short, dark hair grinned. "You know I don't
hit girls," she said, low enough for only Akane to hear. "This is
just for everyone else's benefit, okay? Just to stay in character...."
"What...?"
"Just WHAT do you think you're DOING?" Ranma screamed.
"Making out with those two girls? How COULD you?"
"Wha...?" Akane began, thoroughly confused.
"RANMA NO BAKA!" Ranma yelled. With a practiced
heave, she launched Akane-kun towards the Tendo Food stand. It
was only a simple toss, about thirty feet, landing far short of the
stand, in the soft grass.
Still, Ranma reflected, it felt pretty darn good.
***
Nabiki was stunned. She'd lost gambles before, but this...
she'd staked nearly everything she'd had, certain of a Mousse
victory and a huge payoff after.
All. Down. The. Drain.
She fell to her knees, momentarily lost to the world. Her two
friends, Midori and Kyoko, hovered nearby, not quite sure what to
say or do.
"Can we cover all of those bets?" Midori asked.
"No," Kyoko said. "You know that. She really overextended
herself this time."
"We have the profits from the food stand, of course."
"It's not enough. We won't have enough."
"She was so sure Mousse would win. She's almost always
right, you know."
"Almost always," Kyoko said. "Well, with Kasumi in
Ranma's body, who could blame her?"
"So... forgive me if I'm confused, but Kasumi was in Ranma's
body..."
"...and she switched with Akane, and then switched again
with Ranma."
"So Kasumi's back in her own body, and Ranma and Akane
are switched."
"Right. But Akane, with all of Ranma's strength, speed, and
reflexes..."
"...a very different proposition from Kasumi."
"Right."
"And thus, we lose a fortune."
*Kami!* Nabiki thought, the panic rising in her breast. *I'll
be going through bankruptcy before I'm eighteen! This can't be
happening!*
"What a mess," Kyoko said. "Did we at least figure out how
the transfer works?"
A spark appeared deep within Nabiki's glassy eyes. She
fingered the brooch in her pocket, and the gears began to turn
again in her head. She shook herself, then stood, and looked at her
two companions.
Okay. She'd suffered a huge setback. Time to plan the next
move.
Nearby, Akane and Ranma argued, her sister nearly in tears.
She almost felt like telling them. Almost. She didn't like to see
her sister suffer, or, for the most part, Ranma either. She wasn't
cruel or heartless.
But these were the two who had just ruined her.
"Are you okay, Nabiki?" Midori asked.
The middle Tendo sister turned away a moment to compose
herself. When she glanced back, the always-cool, never-perturbed,
always-in-control Nabiki Tendo was back.
She smiled.
"Well," she said. "Not only did Ranma outmaneuver me, he
out-manipulated Akane. Quite a trick, don't you think? I don't
know whether to congratulate him, or to think up an especially
cruel revenge. He cost me a lot of money."
Nabiki fingered the device in her pocket.
Surely Ranma and Akane could survive being each other for
a day or two? It might even do them some good. In the
meantime, Nabiki might be able to salvage something from this
whole fiasco.
"All may not be lost," Nabiki said. "Meet my at my house,
later tonight. I have a plan."
***
The radio alarm clock on Nabiki's headboard was tuned to a
pop music station, playing just loud enough to mask the
conversation in her room.
Nabiki sat at her desk. Her two co-conspirators, Midori and
Kyoko, sat on her bed. Kyoko turned over a small metal object in
her hands. It looked like a brooch, made of pewter, carved in the
shape of a grinning monkey's head.
"This is what does it?" she asked. "Are you sure?"
Nabiki nodded. "I haven't tried it yet, but I'd bet money on it."
"We know where that's gotten you lately," Kyoko said, a trifle
bitterly. She'd staked a lot of her own money on a Mousse victory,
against her better judgment.
"How does it work?" Midori asked.
"As far as I know," Nabiki said, "you bump heads with
someone else while wearing that brooch. The switch is
instantaneous."
"As simple as that?"
"As simple as that," Nabiki said.
Kyoko stood and pinned the brooch to her blouse. "Well, if
we're going to do anything with this, we'd better make sure it
works," she said. "Nabiki?"
Nabiki nodded. She got up and positioned herself before her
friend.
"Anytime you're ready," Nabiki said.
Kyoko placed her hands on either side of Nabiki's head, then
brought hers forward quickly. It wasn't a collision of earth-
shattering proportions, but it definitely stung. Both girls stumbled
back, blinking. They glanced at each other, and then at
themselves.
"I don't believe it," Nabiki -- or was it Kyoko? -- said. "It
really works! How strange!"
"Nabiki?" Midori asked. The middle Tendo sister shook her
head.
"It's me, Kyoko," she said.
Midori glanced to Kyoko, who nodded her head.
"It's me, Nabiki," the girl said. "Ugh, long hair again. I never
could stand that."
"It's not a problem," Kyoko said. "The boys like it, you
know."
"Did you two really switch?" Midori asked. "I don't know if I
believe you or not."
The girl who was no longer Kyoko gave a very Nabiki-like
stare. "There's only one way to know for sure, Midori," she said.
Midori nodded and stood. One head-bump later, she stared
down at her new body... Kyoko's body.
"Wow," she said. "Okay, I believe you know. How... weird."
"Looks like I get the grand tour," Nabiki, now in Midori's
body, said.
"This is hard on the forehead," Midori said.
Kyoko stood in front of the full-length mirror, staring at her
new body. "I can't get used to this," she said. "This... this isn't me.
This is too bizarre to believe!"
Nabiki sat on the bed. "Okay, how do we use this? I have
some ideas, but I want to hear what you two have to say."
"Um..." Midori said, "could we switch back? This feels
weird, and watching you in my body really gives me the creeps."
"Yeah," Kyoko added, "we're not used to all this weirdness
like you are, Nabiki."
"I'm not used to..." Nabiki said, then shrugged. "Well,
whatever. Let's switch back."
Two head-butts later the girls were back in their own bodies.
Kyoko again rolled the brooch around in her hand, staring at it in
fascination.
"We can use this..." she said, "for a lot of things. A whole lot
of things."
"I have one particular use in mind," Nabiki said. "Remember
what Kuno-baby told me the other day?"
Midori's eyes went wide. "You mean about arranging a date
with Akane, and you could name your price?" Kyoko glanced up
quickly, her eyes also getting very big.
Nabiki nodded. "I'm ready to name my price," she said.
"Kuno-baby's going to get his date, even if I have to be the one to
do it."
***
It was late, and the Tendo house was quiet, but in the dojo the
lights were still on, and voices drifted from it, carrying on the
evening breeze.
"Come on, let's try again!"
"No! No more!"
"Just one more time! It's got to work! It's just got to!"
"Ranma, no! We've tried seven times already! My head is
starting to feel like I've gone fifteen rounds with Mohammed Ali.
Enough already! We obviously don't know how it works!"
Inside the dojo, Ranma slumped to the floor. "But I don't
want to be stuck in your body," she said, her voice growing quiet.
Akane kneeled down opposite her. "You think I want to be
stuck in yours?" she asked. "Look, our fathers are still working on
putting that book together. They'll work it out, eventually."
"Eventually?" Ranma said. "Try forever! Have you seen how
far they've gotten? They worked on it for a whole two hours,
Akane! Then they took a break to play some shogi! If we wait for
them to fix things, we'll never get switched back!"
Akane frowned. "Kasumi's back to normal, Ranma. I'm sure
we'll figure it out. Maybe not our fathers, but you and I... Ranma, I
don't think there's anything you can't do, when you put your mind
to it, so don't lose hope! I haven't lost hope in you!"
Ranma pounded her fist into the floor, leaving a sizable hole.
"We're so close, Akane! You're right; I know we can figure
this out somehow. It's just so frustrating! The secret must be right
under our noses...."
A rustle from the dojo entrance drew their attention. Nabiki
was there, leaning against the door frame, watching them. Her
hands were in her pockets, idly playing with whatever was there.
Her face held an odd look, somewhere between sorrow and guilt.
Ranma had never seen Nabiki look like that.
"Nabiki, is something wrong?" Ranma asked.
Nabiki's head jerked back, almost as if she'd been slapped.
"N-no," she said, sounding startled. "I was just... thinking, that's
all. Thinking about what all of these switches have in common."
She gave a weak smile. "No offense, Ranma, but you make a
better brother-in-law than a sister."
"Thanks, Nabiki. If you think of something, let us know."
"Don't worry," Nabiki said. "I will. You can always count on
me."
***
Ranma exited the bath and stepped into the family room. All
of the lights were out, save the eerie glow from the television. The
sound was turned down, and Akane, now a red-haired pig-tailed
girl, was flopped belly-first on the floor. She hugged a pillow
tightly, all of her attention focused on the late-night horror flick.
Ranma resisted the urge to yell, "boo!"; it would be too easy,
and Akane was already mad at her as it was. *As if this is all my
fault,* Ranma thought.
"Bathroom's free," Ranma said, none too loud. Akane looked
up and smiled, and Ranma's heart skipped a beat.
Strange, thought Ranma, how even a simple smile like that
transformed Ranma-chan's face into something unmistakably
Akane-like. Ranma had never looked like that, under any
circumstances, she was certain..
Then Akane said, "I hope you kept your eyes closed, you
hentai," and the spell was broken.
Akane headed for the bath, and Ranma headed upstairs,
grumbling to herself. In the hallway she paused, momentarily
confused. For the last several days she'd been sleeping in Kasumi's
room, on a futon, with Kasumi in her own bed. Mr. Tendo had
insisted that Ranma not sleep with her father while in Kasumi's
body, so that had been the arrangement. Now that Kasumi was
back in her own body, and Ranma and Akane were switched,
where was Ranma to sleep? Somehow, she didn't imagine that
Akane would give up her room, nor that the two of them should
share the same room.
Then again, Kasumi was already in bed, and Ranma didn't
want to wake her. Sleeping in her father's room would be a
mistake, for which she'd have to answer to Mr. Tendo in the
morning. Ranma shrugged, heading to Akane's room. Perhaps,
given that Akane was the boy (at least part of the time), it would
not be a problem. All Ranma really wanted to do was sleep.
On Akane's bed there was a black pig with a black and yellow
bandanna around it's neck. It sat up as the door opened, squealing
in delight.
Ranma blinked. Ryoga had not been at the fight today. He
had no way of knowing who she was.
"Why, if it isn't P-Chan!" Ranma exclaimed in her best
imitation-Akane voice. The pig leaped straight for her chest, and
Ranma caught it and held it in a fierce hug. It was, in fact, a very
fierce hug.
The pig squealed in alarm, and not a little pain. Ranma
laughed, and then held the pig out at arm's length by the collar.
The pig took one look at her face and grunted something that
sounded like "Uh-oh!"
"Nice try, pig," Ranma said, "but you ain't sleeping in my bed
tonight, got it?" Ranma threw open the window and held the pig
up to her face. "Sayonara, Ryoga-chan," she said. The pig's eyes
went wide with shock. Ranma laughed and launched P-Chan into
the night.
That ought to give pig-boy something to think about, Ranma
thought with satisfaction.
***
END PART SEVEN
Remember, if the world hands you lemons, fight back! Write
something different!
Enjoy! And if you don't, write me anyway!
M.A. Davis aka "Miko"
belldandy@angelic.com
http://listen.to/bell/
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From: bellchan89@my-dejanews.com
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Monkey Head Butting 8 of 9
Monkey Head Butting!
m a davis/miko belldandy@angelic.com
Previous chapters at:
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Characters are copyright Takahashi Rumiko, no infringement
intended. This is a fan work only, not for profit.
Monkey Head Butting
PART EIGHT
***
A small fire burned in the back yard of the Tendo Dojo. A
young red-haired girl leaned over it, her eyes focused on the hot
flames. For several moments she remained frozen, then her hands
became a blur as they darted in and out of the fire. On each pass,
she pulled out a small round object.
"Did you see that?" she exclaimed excitedly. She held out the
objects in her hands. "Did you see me do that? That's the Kachuu
Tenshin Amaguriken! The chestnut fist! Can you believe I did
that? Did you see how fast my hands moved?"
Seated on the engawa was a girl with dark, short hair, wearing
shorts and a simple top. Her head was propped up in her hands.
She looked bored, and more than a little annoyed.
"Yeah, whatever," she said.
"I'm going to do it again!" the redhead said, and she did.
"Can you believe how fast I am?" she exclaimed.
"Big deal," the second girl said. "It's only because you're in
my body."
"Hey, Ranma," the redhead said, "want to arm wrestle?"
"No!"
"Come on! Just once!" When her offer got no response, the
redhead said, "Okay, then, let's spar. I promise I'll go easy on you,
this time! Maybe you'll actually beat me!"
The dark-haired girl closed her eyes and sighed. "Man, all I
want is to get my own body back, okay?"
Akane, the red-head, sat down next to Ranma, the dark-haired
one. "I know," she said. "Maybe we should help put Tofu-Sensei's
book back together."
"If you ask me, we should talk to the old ghoul," Ranma said.
"Dad wouldn't like that...."
"Hey, if he was in your body, would he hesitate? He'd be at
the Nekohanten in a flash!"
Akane made a strange face. "Dad, in my body? Ugh. Why
did you have to suggest that, Ranma? That's sick."
"It could be worse," Ranma said. "You could switch with my
dad. Or Kuno, or Kuno's dad, or Kuno's sister, or even
Happosai...."
"Ranma, knock it off!" Akane yelled. "Yuck! Now I'm going
to have nightmares from just thinking about all of that!"
"Sorry."
The two stared at the koi pond for a while.
"I wonder where P-Chan is?" Akane said. "I haven't seen him
for several days."
A large sweatdrop appeared on Ranma's head.
"Oh, you know him," Ranma said, "always wandering off. I'm
sure he'll turn up eventually."
"Yeah, I guess you're right," Akane said. "Still, I can't help
worrying. What if something's happened to him? He's only a little
pig. He could be in a lot of trouble!"
"I'm sure he's all right."
"Well," Akane said, looking down at herself and then at her
fiancée, "I'm not sure I'd want him to show up just now. He'd
probably be scared of me, and I'm sure you'd do something mean to
him."
Ranma didn't have an answer for that one. Akane raised an
eyebrow.
"Promise me, Ranma, if P-Chan shows up, you'll be nice to
him! Don't do anything mean, okay? I don't want him scared of
me. Promise?"
"Sure," Ranma said. "If I see the pig again, I'll try to be nice."
"You have to do better than try, Ranma!" She paused, and
then got a gleam in her eye. She laughed. "Remember, Ranma,
I'm in your body now. I can cause a lot of problems for you in a
short amount of time."
Ranma swallowed hard, realizing the truth in those words. If
he caused any real trouble for Akane, she could more than pay him
back, and with very little effort.
"I promise, Akane," Ranma said.
"I heard that, Ranma!"
Ryoga shoved his way through the bushes in the corner of the
yard and came forward. He looked straight at Ranma -- the real
Ranma, the one who looked like Akane. "I knew something was
strange last night! I knew Akane could never act that way! You
jerk, Ranma! Why are you in Akane's body? You're an even
bigger pervert than I thought!"
"Ryoga?" Akane asked. "You were here last night? With
Ranma?"
The wanderer froze. "A-A-Akane," he said, nervously. "I-I-I-
I was... I..."
"Oh," Ranma said, "didn't I tell you? When I went upstairs,
guess who I found in your room?"
Akane's eyes went wide. "Ryoga? You were in my room?
What in the world were you doing in there?"
Ryoga's face took on a look of absolute horror. "I wasn't..." he
said. "I mean, I didn't... it wasn't... AAAAAAARGH!!!"
Ryoga turned and fled, vanishing in a single moment. Akane
blinked in confusion, then looked at Ranma.
"Hey, I tried to be nice," Ranma said, defensively.
"Honestly, Ranma, what's with that boy? What was he doing
in my room?"
"Don't worry about it," Ranma said. "He was probably just
lost or something. Do you really think he could find your room on
purpose?"
***
Akane and Ranma sparred out back. Kasumi, Father, and Mr.
Saotome watched while drinking tea. Happosai was off doing
whatever it was he did with his collection. Nabiki looked around
once more, making absolutely certain she was alone.
Nabiki picked up the phone.
Moments later, after a mercifully brief conversation with the
Black Rose, Nabiki heard Tatewaki Kuno.
"Nabiki Tendo, greetings," Kuno said with in his usual calm,
collected voice. "To what do I owe the pleasure of hearing your
voice?"
"Kuno," Nabiki said, "are you still interested in that date with
Akane?"
There was a huge intake of breath on the other end of the line.
"YES! OH, YES! Nabiki Tendo, can you truly arange this thing
for me? Praise the heavens above! Surely you are like an angel
sent from my noble ancestors in my darkest hour of need!"
Nabiki smiled. Oh, but this was going to be easy! It was like
stealing cream from a kitten!
"I can arrange it," Nabiki said, "but it's going to cost you,
Kuno. Earlier, you said I could name my price."
"Yes! Those were indeed my very words. Name it, Nabiki
Tendo, and I will be forever in your debt!"
Nabiki named her price.
There was silence at the other end.
The silence continued for one minute, then two.
"Hello? Kuno?" Nabiki said. "Are you there?"
The phone line went dead.
Nabiki frowned, putting the phone down. She took a step
back, staring at it.
Could it be that even Kuno had his limits?
She fought the panic rising within her breast. Visions filled
her head of bankruptcy, of going hungry and of selling flowers on
the street. What if she had to borrow money? Who would have
sympathy for her? What... what if she had to borrow money from
Ranma?
*No. This can't be happening,* she thought. *I know Kuno
too well! His obsessions border on the psychotic. He meditates on
his two loves. He has giant photos of them covering his walls. He
plans entire days around his pursuit of them. I know he has the
money; how can he refuse to pay?*
It's just one date, a part of her mind replied. It's something he
might reasonably expect to arrange himself. He has his samurai
pride. Why does he need you?
Could it be that she needed Kuno more than he needed her?
She found the very idea sickening.
Nabiki willed herself to remain calm. Kuno was just
momentarily stunned; he'd call back. He was desperate... more
desperate than her. He had to call.
***
Soun and Genma were seated on the engawa out back, sipping
iced tea and taking in the beautiful day. The sun shone bright, a
light breeze tugged at the trees, and everything was well with the
world.
Soun smiled at his friend. "Kasumi's back to normal," he
said. Indeed, his eldest daughter knelt nearby, a smile on her face,
looking none the worse for wear. "Everything's better now, friend
Saotome. True, we may never discover the secret of monkey head-
butting, but that hardly matters, does it?"
Akane and Ranma, sparring in the yard, both paused.
"Truer words were never spoken, friend Tendo. The future of
the dojo is secure once more."
"But Father," Kasumi said, "Ranma and Akane are still in the
wrong bodies."
"That may be," Soun replied, "but that doesn't prevent them
from getting married...."
"WHAT?" Ranma and Akane yelled together.
Genma nodded sagely. "Yes, Soun, it hardly matters if my
son marries your daughter, or if my daughter marries your son...
the school will be maintained either way."
"Too true, Saotome. I'm not losing a daughter, I'm gaining a
son."
"Literally, Tendo, literally!"
Akane and Ranma stared at their parents, dumbfounded.
"Me marry a girl?!?" Akane yelled. "In your dreams! Dad,
how could you suggest such a thing? Not to mention I'd be, in
essence, marrying myself!"
"I am NOT going to be anyone's bride! Especially that
kawaiikune tomboy's!"
Akane spun on Ranma, eyes lit with anger. "Look who's
talking! YOU'RE the kawaiikune tomboy now!"
"Then I guess that makes you the stupid hentai!" Ranma fired
back.
"Me? You're the pervert! I bet you're enjoying being in that
body of mine."
"Hey! I didn't ask to be put in this flat-chested, wide-hipped,
uncute..."
From nowhere Akane produced a giant mallet and laid it
upside Ranma's head. The dark-haired girl sailed into the koi
pond, and came up sputtering.
"Now look what you made me do!" Akane yelled. "I'm hitting
my own body!"
"What I made you do? I didn't make you do nothing!"
"Oh, Akane," Kasumi said, "you really shouldn't be hitting
girls you know, now that you're a boy. I mean, I realize you're not
a boy right at the moment, but... oh, this is so confusing!"
Soun and Genma laughed. "You see?" Soun said. "Nothing's
really changed. We're practically back to normal!"
"Another thing," Genma said, "Ranma's become a good cook
and a good housekeeper. She doesn't need the bridal training that
Akane would."
"Bridal training!" Akane yelled. "Give me a break!" She
placed a hand to her forhead. "I can't believe I'm hearing this.
>From my own family, yet!"
"Akane's right, Father," Kasumi said. "It wouldn't be right for
Akane to be the husband and Ranma the bride."
Genma frowned, rubbing his chin with his hand. "Well,
there's always the nannichuan... the spring of drowned man. We
can dunk Ranma into it, and then let them decide who's to be the
wife and who's to be the husband..."
"An excellent idea, friend Saotome!"
"Father!" Akane exclaimed.
Ranma smirked. "Hey, that could work. How do you think
this body would look as a man? I mean, as uncute as it is, I'm
already halfway there. And avoiding hot water would be a lot
easier to do...."
"Ranma, you idiot! Get serious! You can NOT keep my
body!"
Genma stood up. "No use arguing about it now," he said. "If
we don't discover the secret of monkey head-butting in the next
few days, then we can talk about this again." He turned to Akane.
"Come, Akane, what would you say to a little sparring? I'm
interested to see how much you can do in that new body of yours."
"It's not 'my new body'!" Akane said. "This is just temporary."
But when Genma jumped to the roof, she quickly followed.
Ranma watched them go. "A little bit too eager there, aren't
you, Akane?" she asked, of no one in particular. "Man, I'm gonna
go nuts if this doesn't get solved soon."
***
Ranma studied the list of ingredients and order of preparation
carefully.
As usual, she related cooking to martial arts. With cooking,
you had to do everything as instructed. Improper timing or minor
mistakes with the ingredients could ruin everything, just as a slow
or improper move to block could mean lights out in a match.
Some of the maneuvers required for good cooking were like katas;
practice made perfect.
Ranma had been practicing. Not only was she ready to prove
Happosai wrong, she was also ready to prove that good food could
come from the hands of Akane, so long as someone else controlled
them.
"Let's see," she muttered to herself, "Chicken, check. Pork,
check. Yunnan ham, check. Beefsteak, check. Shrimp, check.
Cucumbers, scallions, carrots, garlic, chilies, bell pepper,
cauliflower, zucchini, beans, a little ginger root... yeah, I got it all.
Stock from Cologne, check. Spices, sauces, oils, rice wine...." She
paused to roll up her sleeves, then performed a simple kata to
center herself. "Okay! Let's go to it!"
Moments later she had most of the chicken boiling in a pot
and began slicing and dicing the rest of the vegetables in
preparation for the main bout of cooking.
***
Nabiki Tendo sat at the foot of the stairs, near the phone.
She'd been there an hour, answering every time it rang. So far
she'd had two wrong numbers, someone conducting a radio station
survey, and a dojo student calling to say he was sick and would
miss tomorrow's class. Still, Nabiki held out hope that Kuno
would call back. She didn't, at this point, have any other option.
The phone rang. "Got it!" Nabiki called out, snatching up the
phone once again.
It was Kuno. Nabiki felt confidence surge through her again.
She tried to remain calm.
"Kuno-sama," she said, her voice composed. "I was afraid
you'd given up on your sweet Akane."
"Never!" Kuno replied with conviction. "However, Nabiki,
you have placed an outrageous price on this date. If it were not for
my great love of the beauteous Akane Tendo, I would never agree
to it."
"Then you agree?" Nabiki tried to quell the excitement in her
voice.
"Yes," Kuno said. "I will have the money deposited to your
bank account on the morrow, providing this evening's date is
satisfactory."
"Satisfactory?" Nabiki asked, brought up short. "What, pray
tell, do you mean by that?"
"One," Kuno said, "Akane will be ready for me at 4:30
exactly. Two, Akane and I will dine in one of the finest
restaurants in Nerima, without interruption. Three, we will walk
in the moonlight and speak of our love for each other. Four, when
I have escorted her to the gates of the Tendo domicile, we will kiss
passionately, just as the pig-tailed girl and I have done. These four
things are what I require for a successful date, Nabiki Tendo. Only
then will I feel that I have treated my two loves with equality."
Nabiki blanched, wondering if she could actually go through
with this. But she needed the money, more than she'd ever needed
money in her life. She swallowed hard.
"Okay," she said, managing to sound confident, "but you'll
meet Akane downtown, not here. Name the place, and she'll be
there. I... ah, hope the two of you have a wonderful time...."
***
The name for Bon-Bon (or Bang-Bang) Chicken comes from
the way the meat is beaten in order to tenderize it. Ranma
pounded away, thinking that this was a part of the recipe that
Akane could really get into.
*Guess all of that brute strength is good for something,* she
thought to herself. *I wonder what else I can do with it?*
"Ohmygod! Akane?"
Ranma looked up. Nabiki stood in the kitchen doorway,
looking horrified.
"Don't worry, Nabiki," Ranma said. "It's only me, Ranma."
Relief washed over Nabiki's face. "Oh, yes, of course, I
forgot. It was just the shock of seeing Akane in the kitchen...."
"Exactly what is that supposed to mean, Nabiki?"
Akane and Genma came through the front door, dripping
sweat, having worked out for over an hour. Genma beamed.
"She's nearly as good as Ranma!" he exclaimed.
Akane smiled. "That was actually fun!" she said. "Although
you need to stop calling me 'boy'."
"Sorry, boy... force of habit."
Genma came to an abrupt halt as they reached the entrance to
the kitchen. Fear crawled over his face.
"It's not Akane, remember..." Nabiki said.
"Oh, yes," Genma replied, composing himself.
"Hey! I'm standing right here you know!" Akane said.
"Well, as I was saying... with her training, Akane's far better
prepared to take advantage of Ranma's body and reflexes than
Kasumi was. Why, within a month or two she could probably
duplicate Ranma's skill exactly!"
"Mr. Saotome, I'm NOT going to stay in Ranma's body for 'a
month or two'! We're going to switch back as soon as possible!"
"That's right," Ranma said. She began shredding the chicken
with her hands. "Besides, fighting is half mental. She might have
my reflexes, and strength, but that doesn't make her my equal."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Akane retorted. "Are you
trying to say I'm stupid or something?"
"Hey, don't twist my words around!"
"If anything," Nabiki said, "Akane's smarter than Ranma. She
gets consistently better grades..."
"She might be a better student in English and Math," Ranma
growled, "but I'm the better student of martial arts!"
"Hey, I'm a martial artist too!"
"Ranma's right, for once," Genma said, "hard as it might be to
believe...."
Ranma rolled her eyes. "No respect at all..." she muttered.
"Akane doesn't have Ranma's experience to draw upon,"
Genma continued. "That can only come with time and many
battles."
"I've been in a few battles too, you know," Akane said.
"Sure," Ranma replied, "but you've got to admit, none of them
were as brutal as yesterday with Mousse."
"Well..." she said, "after all, he is pretty good."
Ranma nodded. "Right now, you're a match for Mousse, not
to mention Kuno, Ukyo, or Shampoo... but you're no match for
Ryoga, to say nothing of Tarou or Herb."
"You're no match for Tarou on your best day," Akane
retorted.
Genma wandered off towards the bathroom, while Soun
Tendo appeared from the family room. Soun took one look into
kitchen and began to sweat. "A... Akane?" He asked.
"It's not me, Dad. Remember?"
"Oh, yes," he said, laughing nervously. "Thank goodness for
that!"
"Sheesh! When are you people going to grow up?!? I'm not
THAT bad a cook!"
***
Nabiki jumped up to answer the door the moment the
doorbell rang. Her friend Kyoko stood on the porch, as expected.
"Nabiki?" she asked, tentatively.
"It's still me," Nabiki replied. "I haven't had a chance to do it,
yet. Ranma's busy with his cooking challenge; I'll have to wait
until this afternoon. Kuno's not supposed to come by until about
4:30, so I've got some time."
"I can't believe you're going to do this," Kyoko said.
Nabiki smiled. "Oh, it won't be my first date with Kuno-
chan."
"I know," Kyoko said, "but this will be different."
"You get to see it all," Nabiki said. She handed Kyoko a
black leather bag with a wide shoulder strap. "You do know how
to use that, don't you?"
"Please," Kyoko said. "I've taken my share of photographs.
You're hardly the only extortionist in school."
Nabiki smiled. "I knew there was a reason we get along so
well!"
"Don't worry," Kyoko said. "I'll take as many shots as I can.
I'll be sure to get a few suitable for enlarging, framing, and placing
in the walls of the Kuno mansion ... assuming there are open
spaces left."
"There aren't many," Nabiki said.
Kyoko shrugged. "I suppose he could put some on the
ceiling."
"Trust me," Nabiki said, "he's already thought of that."
***
Happosai sat at the Tendo family table, a bib tied around his
neck and a special set of chopsticks held in one hand. "Come on!"
he called out, pounding the table. "Let's get the show on the road!
I've got a busy schedule today, and I want to get this over with!"
Akane emerged from the kitchen, carrying a steaming plate of
food. At least, it looked like Akane. Happosai, having been
warned about the new round of switched bodies, managed to only
twitch once at the sight. However, it was evident from the food
itself that this was not actually Akane's cooking. The meal was
elaborately arranged, and quite pleasing to look at.
Within the next two minutes Ranma set several more dishes
on the table, all equally pleasing to the eye. There was rice, both
steamed and fried, and spicy stir-fried vegetables. There was a
plate of pork dumplings, a bowl of soup, and several main dishes.
"Crispy shredded beef?" Happosai said, piling food onto his
plate. "Ma-Po Tofu? This is Szechuan food, or from that general
area. Oh, look! Deep-fried shrimp, with scallions, and a spicy
peppercorn dip!"
The not-so-venerable master of the anything-goes school
paused to glare at his gender-challenged student.
"Nice try, Ranma! You think you can win by cooking
something Kasumi's never made? It won't be that easy, my boy!
Why, in my youth I traveled the length and breadth of China,
savoring meals from the finest chefs in the land. Think you can
compete with that? Ha!"
Soun and Mr. Panda looked on, weeping. Soun wept for the
cost of the lavish meal, while the Panda wept that it be eaten by
someone who did not appreciate it as he would.
Happosai took a bite. His eyes went wide with surprise.
"It's... it's not bad..." he said. He took a few more bites.
"...not bad at all, actually," he added. Suddenly he wolfed the
entire plate down, then quickly slurped up the three-flavor soup.
"Well?" Ranma asked.
"Okay, it's good," Happosai said. "I admit it. But not good
enough."
"Not good enough?" Ranma said, bristling.
"You're a talented cook, Ranma," Happosai said. "You're
much better than I gave you credit for. But as good as Kasumi?
Ha! That'll be the day! Face it boy! You've lost! You never even
stood a chance!"
"I'm not done yet!" Ranma growled. She produced another
meal and set it on the table. Happosai's eyes went wide with
surprise.
"Bon-Bon Chicken?" he croaked. "Why, I haven't had that
in...." His eyes went out of focus as the memories washed over
him. "It's been so long, so very long...."
He snapped back into focus, glaring at Ranma.
"Ha! This seals your fate, Ranma! You may not have
realized it, but in my youth I was in love with a woman who made
Bon-Bon Chicken for me every Sunday! It was her specialty, and
one of my favorite foods! Nobody makes it like she did!
Nobody!" The diminuative master stabbed the air in Ranma's
direction with his chopsticks. "Do you see, boy? You've fallen
into a trap! How can you possibly compete against the cooking of
my love, one hundred years gone? You're finished, boy! Doomed!
Ha ha ha ha ha!"
Happosai paused, then took a bite. Again, his eyes grew
wide.
"There must be some mistake," he muttered. He glanced back
at Ranma. "Are you sure you made this yourself?"
"I saw her do it," Nabiki said. Akane and Soun chimed in,
while Mr. Panda held up a "Ranma did it" sign.
Happosai took another bite. He chewed thoughtfully, then
swallowed. Then, so quickly that his movements could not be
tracked, he devoured the rest of the meal.
"More!" he demanded, handing the plate back to Ranma.
"Ha!" Ranma said. "You like it, don't you?"
Happosai's eyes narrowed. "Exactly where did you learn to
cook like this?"
"Two words," Ranma said. "Special training."
"Ha! I knew it!" the old man crowed. "This is Cologne's old
recipe, I'd bet my life on it! Oh, it takes me back to my youth...
those were blessed, carefree days, wandering the world, seeking
my fortune...." he paused, glaring at Ranma again, "...before I had
to deal with ungrateful students!"
"Do you want more," Ranma said, "or don't you?"
"Yes!" Happosai said, assuming his best puppy-dog-eyes,
please-take-pity-on-me look. "More! Please! More!"
***
Tears flowed down Happosai's face. He sniffled, then blew
his nose. He might have been mistaken for Soun Tendo, give or
take four feet.
"I know you don't appreciate them like I do," he said in a
choked voice. "Just promise me you'll try to take care of them,
okay? That's all I ask, that you try to treat them with even a little
of the love and respect I've lavished on them."
Ranma looked at his perverted master, then at the pile of
pastel underwear. It rose to a height of more than four feet,
dominating the center of Akane's room. Akane sat on the bed, in
shock, while Nabiki stood nearby, smirking.
"Give me a break!" Ranma yelled. "Where the heck did you
get all of this? This can't all be Akane's!"
"I'm afraid it is," Nabiki said. "He's been stealing multiple
pairs a week for more than a year."
"So what's it got to do with me?" Ranma growled.
"The deal," Nabiki said, "was that, if you win, Akane would
get her underwear back. Now that you're Akane, all of this is
yours, Ranma! Enjoy yourself!"
"En... joy...?" Ranma said. "Now what's that supposed to
mean?"
"Don't worry, Ranma," Nabiki said. "There's nothing hentai
about a girl collecting girl's underwear."
"Hentai!" Ranma said. "I'm not collecting... I didn't do this... I
didn't want... aaaargh! I'm not interested in girl's underwear!"
"How can you say that about my pretties!" Happosai cried. "I
put my heart and soul into collecting them!"
"Of course you're not interested, Ranma," Nabiki said.
"Really, I believe you. Now, don't just leave them sitting in a pile
like that. Fold them and put them away, okay?"
Kasumi appeared in the doorway. "Oh, my!" she exclaimed.
"Where will we put it all? I'd better find a few extra boxes!"
Akane finally stirred. "I... I'll help you, Ranma," she said.
"Kasumi and Nabiki will help too, I'm sure." She glared pointedly
at Nabiki, who looked back at her with disdain.
Nabiki sighed. "Okay, I'll help." She lifted a pair from the
top of the pile and held them up, frowning. "Pink teddy bears?"
She looked over at Ranma. "How cute."
"It's not like they're mine!" Ranma protested.
"Oh, they're yours now." Nabiki said. "In fact, you could
wear these to school tomorrow."
"No!" A look of horror crossed Ranma's face. At least... at
least Kasumi's underwear had been more practical than cute...
"No, I could never...."
"Of course you could, dear Akane. You've done it before,
right?"
***
Folding panties was not an exciting way to spend the
afternoon, but with the knowledge of what awaited her that
evening, Nabiki cherished every moment. With four of them, the
work went quickly, and she had fun causing Ranma and Akane no
end of embarassment. Unfortunately, she couldn't stave off the
inevitable. As the clock crept towards three o'clock, and they
placed the last of the underwear into Akane's dresser, Nabiki made
her move.
Slipping a hand around Ranma's shoulder, she placed the
brooch at the back of Ranma's neck, just inside her collar, and
moved forward, quickly. Their heads collided, and the brooch
slipping from her hand and down the back of Ranma's shirt. Only
it was her shirt, now. She felt the object nestled at the base of her
spine, trapped by her belt.
"Gomen, Ranma," she said. "I didn't mean to hit you...." Her
voice trailed off as she stared down at herself. "What happened?"
she asked, trying to sound confused. "What am I doing wearing
Akane's clothes?"
"Not again!" Ranma cried in dismay.
Akane and Kasumi's eyes grew wide. "What, you've switched
with Nabiki now?" Akane said. "Who's it gonna be next? Dad?
Grandfather Happosai?"
"No!" Ranma said. "No more! It ends here! Tell me, Nabiki,
what did we do? Aside from bump heads, that is. I was sitting
here... you touched my neck...." Ranma frowned. "That's it.
Nothing in common with the other switches that I can tell.
Aaaargh! Why can't we can figure this out?!?"
She turned on Akane. "Maybe it only works at certain times
of the day!" she exclaimed. "Akane! Bump heads with me!"
"What? That would put me in my sister's body! If anything,
I'd just as soon bump heads with my own body...."
Ignoring her protests, Ranma launched herself at her former
body. Their heads collided, without any apparent effect.
"IT'S NOT WORKING!" Ranma screamed. "What am I
doing wrong?!?"
Nabiki sat down on Akane's bed. While pretending to adjust
her clothing, she quickly pulled her top loose and worked the
brooch free. Once it was in her hands, she felt a bit safer. Luckily,
Akane didn't seem inclined to bump heads without warning.
Her sister's body was shorter, more powerful and compact
than her own. It was different, but not too different, and she wasn't
interested in exploring those differences. She had no plans to get
involved in martial arts as Kasumi had done; just a few hours with
Kuno, a quick kiss, and she was out of here.
"Well, this ought to be interesting," Nabiki said. "I get to be
my own sister. At least my hair's still short...."
***
Ranma and Akane lay sprawled out in the family room,
watching television. It wasn't Ranma's favorite pastime, but she
saw no point in working out while in Nabiki's body, especially
when she might be someone else tomorrow. Luckily an old Jackie
Chan flick was showing. Ranma was always up for goofy,
mindless action, no matter what body she was in.
Akane was in red-haired girl form, and wearing some of her
own clothing, loose shorts and a yellow top. Ranma had on a pair
of Nabiki's short shorts and a loose tee-shirt. Shorts weren't
Ranma's style, but Nabiki's jeans were as tight and confining as a
straight jacket, and Ranma wasn't about to put on another dress.
"Now I've been every Tendo sister in the house," Ranma said.
"That's it. I'm going to go to the ghoul, right after this movie."
"Not tonight, Ranma," Akane said. "It'll be too late. After
school tomorrow, okay?"
"But I don't want to go to school as Nabiki!"
Akane placed her hand on her forehead. "Why do these
things happen to you, Ranma? Our life was almost normal before
you showed up."
"If you call getting attacked by half the school every morning
normal," Ranma said.
"You know what I mean!"
Ranma sighed. "I don't know what it is, Akane. I've got this
weirdness magnet or something."
Someone could be heard coming down the stairs, and the two
glanced up to see Nabiki, in a red dress, with a jacket on and a
purse slung over her shoulder.
"Where are you going, in my body?" Akane asked, voice laced
with suspicion.
"I have plans for the evening," Nabiki said. "I'm not going to
let being in my sister's body spoil them. Ta ta!"
The door closed behind her, and there was silence. Akane
and Ranma looked at each other.
"Did she look just a little dressed up to you?" Ranma asked.
"A little?" Akane said. "That's one of my best dresses!"
"And didn't she seem to take this whole switching thing a
little too calmly?" Ranma continued.
"Now that you mention it," Akane said, "she was pretty calm
about it. I mean, Nabiki's usually calm, but she's also usually in
her own body...."
"I don't know what it is," Ranma said, "but she's up to
something. She was on the phone off and on all afternoon, you
know."
Akane's eyes narrowed. "I didn't notice," she said. "I guess I
was out fighting your dad at the time. What could she be up to
now?"
"I'm not sure I want to know."
"Well I do!" Akane said, getting up. "Come on, Ranma!
That's my body she's in, so we're following her."
"Ah, man," Ranma said, "right before a fight scene!"
***
END PART EIGHT
Remember, if the world hands you lemons, fight back! Write
something different!
Enjoy! And if you don't, write me anyway!
M.A. Davis aka "Miko"
belldandy@angelic.com
http://listen.to/bell/
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From: bellchan89@my-dejanews.com
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Monkey Head Butting 9 of 9 (full)
Monkey Head Butting!
m a davis/miko belldandy@angelic.com
Previous chapters at:
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Characters are copyright Takahashi Rumiko, no infringement
intended. This is a fan work only, not for profit.
Monkey Head Butting
PART NINE
(part A /first half)
***
It was late afternoon on a sunny Sunday, and two figures
stalked a third through the streets of Nerima. Ranma and Akane,
in the bodies of Nabiki and Ranma, respectively, followed Nabiki,
in the body of Akane.
Nabiki hopped a train into downtown Tokyo. Once there, she
walked a half-dozen blocks and entered a department store.
Ranma and Akane followed, trying their best not to be seen.
As they stepped into the department store, however, they came to a
halt.
"Where is she?" Akane asked. "Do you see her?"
Ranma shook her head. "Maybe she's just shopping, after
all."
"No," Akane said. "What's she going to shop for, in my
body?"
"I don't know," Ranma said. "Something for you, maybe?"
"Not likely," Akane replied, scanning the crowded store.
"Anyway, my birthday's eight months away. You know that."
In fact, Ranma didn't know that. She made a mental note of
the fact, then promptly forgot it.
"Let's split up," Akane said. "I go left, you go right. She's got
to be in here somewhere."
***
"One of these days Kuno's going to wake up and realize that
he can hire a professional photographer any time he wants to, for
less money than he pays us."
Kyoko snapped another shot, then adjusted the telephoto lens.
The sun was setting on the horizon. Across the street, seated right
behind a floor-to-ceiling window, Tatewaki Kuno and (by all
appearances) Akane Tendo were having dinner.
"Not before we graduate, I hope," Midori replied, snapping a
few pictures of her own.
"About that dress," Kyoko said. She glanced at Midori's
orange and yellow print sun dress, her sandals, and her wide-
brimmed hat. "Not exactly what I'd wear for a surveillance
mission." she said, a little disdainfully.
"It's hot," Midori said. "Please note, you're the only one on
the street with an overcoat on, and dressed all in black, no less. If
people are staring, then it isn't at me."
Kyoko kept her eyes glued to the camera, snapping away.
"Whatever," she said. "Anyway, as long as Kuno doesn't notice...."
"...Which he won't...."
"...we'll be fine." Kyoko reeled off another six shots, then
paused to rewind and reload.
"That's enough for now," she said. "You get some good
shots?"
"Don't worry," Midori said, hefting her camera. "I know
better than to blow an opportunity like this. If Kuno really pays
up...."
"He will. He's delusional, but also a man of his word."
"As I was saying, if he pays up, we're solvent again, but hardly
rich. I've got my eyes on a new dress, and these photos are my
ticket to it."
"I hear you, loud and clear," Kyoko said. "That's why, above
all else...."
"Don't screw up on the kiss," Midori said.
***
Ranma and Akane searched the five-story department store
thoroughly. They searched the surrounding area in a several-block
radius, finally winding up back at the department store.
Ranma stated the obvious. "She ditched us."
Akane nodded. "She must have seen you. You're not exactly
a master ninja...."
"Hey! Who's to say she didn't spot you?"
"Anyway," Akane said, "this has been pointless. We'd better
head home."
"We could stop in to see the ghoul," Ranma suggested.
"Yeah, let's do that," Akane said, distracted. She stared at the
dresses on display in front of them. She took one and held it up.
"Think Nabiki would like this?" she asked.
Ranma studied it critically. "I don't know. She doesn't wear
dresses that much, does she? And when she does, they're more
business-like. That one's more your style, isn't it?"
"I suppose it is," Akane said. She gave Ranma a look of
appraisal. "Since when did you start noticing how Nabiki dresses,
anyway?" She asked.
"Well," Ranma said, "I went through her wardrobe just two
hours ago, of course...."
"Oh. Of course." Akane put the dress back, then moved to
another rack. "It's just, that comment of yours about her doing
shopping for me while in my body got me to thinking. Nabiki's
birthday is only a month off, and I haven't bought her anything yet.
Since we're already here, we might as well not waste the
opportunity."
Akane selected another dress. "Okay, Miss Fashion Expert,
how about this one?"
"Better," Ranma said.
Akane checked the price tag, then glanced about. "Do you
see a changing booth around here?"
"Why? You're going to try it on? I thought it was for Nabiki."
"No, stupid," she said. She gave Ranma's body a nice, long
look. "You are. You're the one in her body, right?"
Ranma got a look of horror on her face. "No! No way! I am
not going to play dress-up again!"
"Come on, Ranma," Akane said. "You haven't bought her
anything either, have you? Help me out, and you can say it's a gift
from both of us...."
***
Kuno strolled with Nabiki through the streets of Nerima,
talking about kamisama only knew what -- Nabiki wasn't listening.
The meal had been quite good, the most expensive thing she could
order, and Kuno had held up both ends of the conversation
admirably, allowing Nabiki to ignore it all. But the long walk
under the moonlight, with his arm about her waist, was getting on
her nerves.
They paused on a bridge over the river and watched as the
moon passed behind a cloud, then reappeared. Moonlight danced
on the water.
"The moon is like a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy
seas,"said Kuno, reflectively.
"Yeah," Nabiki said. "Whatever."
"My soul rides on that ship," Kuno continued. "My soul is
tossed about as if in a storm of fear and doubt. How can I tell what
is real from what is only delusion?"
"I can bang you on the head, if you'd like," Nabiki said.
Kuno wrapped her hands in his. "Oh, fair Akane! How like a
dream this night has been! Often have I traveled these paths, with
my arm around you, only to awaken to the sure knowledge and the
certain despair that what I thought real was nothing more than the
stuff of dreams! How can I know that the fates do not tempt me
yet again?"
"Are you done?" Nabiki asked, trying to free her hands.
"Kiss me, Akane! Let thy love rain down on my heart, so that
I will know the truth from the lie!"
"Impossible," Nabiki said. "The deal was for one kiss only, in
front of the Tendo Doj... HEY!"
Kuno's mouth darted forward, seeking hers. Nabiki turned
her head, allowing him to slobber all over her cheek. As he pulled
back, Nabiki leaned in and rubbed her cheek dry on his shoulder.
*Yuck! Gross!* Nabiki thought. Then she straightened up.
*I'm getting paid for this,* she reminded herself. *I'm getting paid
a huge sum. For such a price, is there anything I wouldn't do,
within reason?*
One kiss. It wasn't so much, was it? Her lips would touch
his, for a moment, and then she'd be debt free. It was a slam-dunk
deal.
So why was she so nervous about it? It wasn't as if they were
her lips, even. Technically, they were Akane's lips. Rented lips.
Borrowed lips. Not hers at all.
Or was that the problem? Nabiki couldn't help guilty about
what she was doing.
They resumed walking, but the closer to her home, the more
she felt a panic well up within her. Kuno was far from her ideal
date. He was rich enough for her, and easy to manipulate, a
definite plus, but he was also arrogant, tied to tradition, and more
than a little delusional. Besides, he was more handsome than cute.
Nabiki preferred cute.
It was only one kiss.
Finally Kuno stopped. He turned Nabiki to face him. They
were there, she realized, standing before the Tendo gate. Kuno
gazed into her eyes with a hunger that caused bile to rise in her
throat
"One kiss, dear Akane," he said, "and I shall leave you. One
kiss, to prove that this is more than a dream."
Kuno leaned down to claim his reward.
They bumped heads.
Nabiki stumbled back, cursing. Did this fool not even know
how to kiss?
She began to sweat big time. What if they'd switched? Thank
the gods the brooch was hidden in her room, rather than on her
person. She went pale to think about what might have been....
"My apologies, fair Akane," Kuno said. "Perhaps I am too
eager." He leaned in again.
Nabiki gave him a quick peck on the lips, then pulled back.
Kuno was having none of it. Grasping her tightly, he crushed his
lips against hers, his tongue forcing its way into her mouth.
Nabiki gagged, too shocked to even struggle. It seemed to go
on for an eternity, and not for the usual, romantic reasons either.
Finally, she wriggled one arm free and clobbered Kuno over the
head.
He fell to the ground, stunned. Nabiki stared at the frying pan
in her hand, equally stunned. *Where did that come from?* she
wondered.
***
Across the street, Midori and Kyoko trained their cameras on
the scene at the Tendos' front gate.
"She hit him," Kyoko said. "I don't believe it. Half a kiss
from freedom, and she decides to clobber him. What's she
thinking?"
"Well," Midori said, "at least it's in character. I thought she'd
never get her sister down."
"You get the kiss?"
"Yeah. Did you?"
"Got it," Kyoko said. She snapped another picture. "How did
she do that, anyway?"
"What, the frying pan?"
"Yeah. I thought only martial artists did that."
"I don't know," Midori said. "It's Akane's body, after all, and
Nabiki's had training...."
Kyoko frowned. "Midori," she said, "I know how a turn
signal works, but that doesn't make me Mario Andretti."
"I suppose not," Midori said. "Maybe she just got lucky."
***
When Akane and Ranma reached the Nekohanten, it was near
closing time. Mousse swept and upended chairs onto tables.
Shampoo, cleaning the kitchen, spotted them as they crossed the
threshold.
"Ranma!" Shampoo exclaimed happily. Leaping over the
counter, she applied a full-body Amazon glomp to Akane. Mousse
glowered from the corner, while Ranma had to suppress the urge to
laugh out loud.
"Shampoo, get off of me!" Akane said. "We're both girls, for
heaven's sake! Let go!" She managed to pry the Amazon loose,
pushing her back.
Shampoo frowned, but immediately bounded into the kitchen.
She returned with a kettle of hot water and upended it over Akane.
"Hey!" Akane yelled. "That's hot! What're you doing?" Her
voice descended into a lower register, as her body became male.
Ranma couldn't help but laugh at the sight of his male self, clad in
Akane's shorts and top, which were obviously both feminine and
designed for a smaller frame. It was a fine example of why Ranma
refused to dress as a girl, even when a girl.
"Now only one of us girl!" Shampoo exclaimed. Again she
hugged Ranma. Akane shoved her back so hard that Shampoo
stumbled backwards, into the counter.
"Stop grabbing me, Shampoo! Knock it off!"
"What wrong, Ranma?" Shampoo asked, obviously
disappointed. "You no like Shampoo?"
"Did I say that?" Akane-kun asked, then paused. A glint
appeared in his eyes. "Although, now that you mention it," he said,
"there's something I've been meaning to tell you, Shampoo."
"Yes?" Shampoo's eyes sparkled. "Ranma! You come to say
something special to Shampoo? Oh, Shampoo so happy!"
Akane paused, surprised by this reaction, then forged ahead.
"It's just that, you've been pursuing me for so long...."
"Yes?"
"...and I've never actually come out and said anything, but...."
"Yes?" Shampoo held her hands before her, waiting for the
words she'd longed to hear. Meanwhile, Mousse had put down the
broom and stood with his feet apart, clearly ready to launch an
attack should he deem one needed.
Sensing trouble, Ranma interrupted. "Ranma's not himself
today," she said. "Pay no attention to anything he says."
Shampoo seemed to notice Ranma for the first time.
"Nabiki?" she said. "You no interrupt Airen, or Shampoo be very,
very angry."
"I just wanted to tell you," Akane continued, "that I like you
as a friend, but...."
"He's delusional!" Ranma blurted out. "Don't listen to him!"
Ranma took Akane's hand. "Don't even try to talk, you idiot!
You're too brainless to know what's going on."
Shampoo shoved Nabiki Ranma back. "Shampoo warn you
once more. You no interrupt!"
"Shut up, Ranma! This is between Shampoo and me!"
"See what I mean? He thinks I'm Ranma!"
"Ranma, you idiot!" Akane yelled.
"Aiya! Is true!" Shampoo said. She placed a hand on Akane's
forehead. "You is sick, Ranma?" she asked. She paused in
thought, then snapped her fingers. "Shampoo know what do!
Great-Grandmother medicine cure Ranma quick!"
"Wait! I'm not sick!"
"Yes you are, Ranma," Ranma said.
"Is true," Shampoo said. "You act very strange lately, Ranma.
Shampoo notice. Why you dress like girl all times?"
"Well, I am a girl..." Akane began, then trailed off. "I mean,
normally... no, wait, that's not right." Akane-kun looked about in
panic, focused on Ranma, and that glint reappeared in his eyes.
"It's this stupid bet I made with Nabiki here," he said. "I lost, so I
have to dress like a girl."
"What bet?" Ranma said. "I'd never make a stupid bet like
that!"
"Look," Akane said, "We didn't come here for medicine,
Shampoo. We hoped to talk to your great grandmother, Cologne."
"Great Grandmother not here right now," Shampoo said. "Is
just Shampoo and Mousse."
"Great. Just great," Ranma said. "I'm tired, Akane. Let's go
home."
"Just a second," Akane-kun said. He took a vase of flowers
from a table and dumped it over his head.
"Ah, much better," she said, and followed Ranma out the
door.
***
Shampoo stood in the doorway of the Nekohanten and stared
up the street until long after Ranma had disappeared. When she
turned to head back to the kitchen, a thoughtful look graced her
face. Mousse felt he'd just avoided a major disaster. He could
guess at Shampoo's train of thought; he saw the wheels spinning in
her head, and chose to derail the train before it built up speed.
"Shampoo," he said. "You know that no one loves you more
than I do."
Shampoo spared him an irritated glance. "Mousse, why you
such stupid duck?"
"I love you, Shampoo!" Mousse said. "I love you more than
anyone, including Ranma! What's stupid about that?"
Shampoo headed back into the kitchen.
"Mousse," she asked, as she began to wipe down the counter,
"who you see just now?"
"Ranma Saotome," Mousse said, "and Nabiki Tendo. Why?"
"Nabiki Tendo not here tonight, Mousse."
The Chinese boy looked confused. "But I saw her! She was
right there!"
"Even when you see," Shampoo said, "you no see. That why
Shampoo call you stupid duck."
***
Kuno opened his eyes and sat up. Nabiki stumbled back,
dazed. She had the presence of mind to mumble, "Thanks, Kuno,
had a great time and all that," as she fumbled at the latch.
Kuno stared at her, feeling the bump on his head.
"You hit me," he said.
"Well, yeah, I did," Nabiki replied.
"That hurt."
A sweatdrop appeared on Nabiki's head. Had she blown it?
After all she'd gone through...?
Kuno began laughing, loud enough to wake the neighbors in a
several-block radius. "So!" he exclaimed. "It was no dream! Oh,
praise the heavens! It was not a dream!"
Continuing to bigsweat, Nabiki slipped inside the gate and
bolted it behind her. Kuno's laughter carried down the street as he
walked home. Nabiki shuddered, then turned and spat all over the
walkway.
"Yuck! Ack! Gag! Never again! Never again! Some things
even I won't do for money! If I ever say I'm going to do something
like that again, somebody please shoot me!"
"I'm sorry," a voice behind her said, "but I don't carry a gun."
Nabiki spun about, nearly collided with a short woman on a
stick.
"Cologne!" Nabiki exclaimed.
"Akane, dear," the Amazon matriarch said. "Or should I say
Ranma?"
"Neither, actually," Nabiki replied. She instinctively knew to
not lie to this woman when it wasn't absolutely necessary.
"Ah, yes, Nabiki," Cologne said. "I knew you were involved
in this somehow. You always were smarter than the others."
"Whatever," Nabiki said, crossing her arms. "Is this a social
call? Is there something I can do for you? I'm missing my beauty
sleep, you know."
A light breeze tossed the Amazon's white hair about. She
stared at Nabiki. She paused, apparently for dramatic effect, and
then said, "Give me the brooch."
"Brooch?"
"Do not play dumb with me," Cologne said. "You are in
Akane's body, and you used a magical brooch to get there. I want
that brooch."
"Assuming for the moment that I have this brooch," Nabiki
said, "why would I give it to you?"
Cologne sighed. "You're going to make this difficult, aren't
you, Miss Tendo? This brooch is an ancient heirloom stolen from
my people, and it must be returned to us. It's ours by right. It is
also a very dangerous artifact, and can cause great harm in the
hands of an amateur such as yourself. Hand it over."
"No."
"It is not a request," Cologne said. "If you won't cooperate,
then I shall be forced to take it from you."
Nabiki's laughter rang out. "Take it from me?" she said.
"What makes you think I have it on me? As you've noted, I'm not
stupid."
The Amazon's eyes narrowed. "Where have you hidden it,
girl?"
"Where you'll never find it, old woman," Nabiki replied. Her
eyes remained locked with Cologne's.
"Careful, girl," the Amazon woman said. "You tread a
dangerous path. Be careful that you are not trapped by your own
carelessness."
"Is that a threat?"
"No," Cologne said, "it is a warning." She jumped to the top
of the wall, then called back over her shoulder, "We will speak on
this again! This conversation is not finished until I have the
brooch!"
***
Nabiki popped the pills into her mouth, took a drink of water,
and swallowed. She knew from experience that she'd be sound
asleep within ten minutes; in a household like the Tendo's it was a
very useful trick.
She slipped into her room and slid open her dresser drawer.
She reached in, feeling along the wood roof of the dresser, and
found the brooch where she'd taped it. She pulled it out and stared
at it a moment.
Strange, that such an ugly piece of metal could be the source
of such a powerful magic.
Carefully she slipped down the hall and into her room.
Ranma was there, sound asleep on a futon, and thankfully wearing
some of her pajamas. It was a bit creepy to see her own body from
several feet away, but Nabiki shrugged it off. Quickly she pinned
the brooch to Ranma's pajamas, the sat back.
While Nabiki waited for the pills to take effect, she studied
her body from the unusual vantage point of another's eyes. She
didn't like what she saw, not only because, like most, she was
critical of her looks, but also because Ranma, in usual fashion,
sprawled every which way, and snored in a most unbecoming
manner. Nabiki made a mental note to not loan her body out to
others, especially careless idiotic martial artists. She was lucky to
be getting it back in one piece.
She leaned over the sleeping form of herself.
"Ranma," she called out. "Wakey wakey."
The increasingly gender-confused boy/girl continued to snore
away. Nabiki frowned in irritation.
"Ranma," she said, a little louder. Still there was no response.
"Oh, look," Nabiki said, "Here's Auntie Saotome!"
Ranma shot up like a catapult. There was a crack as their
heads met, harder than Nabiki had anticipated. Then she was
sitting on the futon in her pajamas as the room spun about her.
Ranma-as-Akane was nearby, rubbing her head and looking
confused. Nabiki's head ached too, but she had enough presence
of mind to undo the brooch and palm it, before Ranma noticed.
*Mission accomplished,* Nabiki thought with a smile.
*What shall I do for an encore?*
"Nabiki?" Ranma asked. She rubbed her eyes blearily. "What
are you doing here?"
"Well, it is my room," Nabiki said.
"I'm Akane again?" Ranma asked, still half asleep. "Maybe I
should wake Akane and try her too."
"Go to bed, Ranma," Nabiki said. "We'll worry about it in the
morning."
***
PART NINE
(part B /second half)
***
It was six a.m. Monday morning, and Ranma and Akane were
yelling at each other.
Nabiki sat on her bed, wincing at the noise. You'd think
switching those two around would allow for a break in the
monotony. Maybe Father was right. Maybe nothing essential had
been changed.
Should she leave them this way? For how long? A few days?
A week? Perhaps even a month or more? After all, it might do
them good, and provide Nabiki with a bit of amusement.
Maybe she wouldn't switch them back at all. She had the
power, now, to use as she wished.
She toyed with the brooch in her hands. Under no
circumstances was she going to let it out of her sight again. Those
damned Amazons had been known to sneak into the Tendo
household, and they weren't above thievery. Nabiki slid the brooch
into her pocket, smiling. No, she and her friends had too many
ideas on how to use this little trinket.
***
"So what's wrong with the way I'm dressed anyways?"
Akane stood in the hallway fuming. Ranma was dressed in
her usual loose black pants and red top. Of course, Ranma wasn't
Ranma, at the moment.
"What do you think?" Akane yelled. You're supposed to be
me, remember? Do you want everyone to think I'm weird or
something?"
"Ah, man, I'm tired of wearing dresses!"
"Ranma! You're in my body! You've got to dress and act like
me!"
"That shouldn't be too hard..." Ranma said. "All I gotta do is
be angry all the time...."
"Baka!" Akane yelled, clobbering Ranma over the head.
"Hey!" Ranma yelled back. "I'm the violent tomboy now,
remember?"
"You idiot! All of this is your fault!"
"Anyway," Ranma continued, "you're wearing a dress. Aren't
you supposed to be me? Since when did I start wearing dresses to
school?"
"Since last week," Akane replied. "Kasumi's been wearing
them, remember?"
Ranma's face fell slightly. "Ah, man, now everyone's gonna
think I'm weird or something...."
"They already do," Akane said. "Besides, people are used to
you being a girl. You switch sexes so often, it's a wonder anyone
knows you're a guy."
"Hey!"
"Well?"
Kasumi appeared at the top of the stairs. "Hurry up, you two!
You don't want to be late, do you?"
Akane narrowed her eyes. "We're not going anywhere until
Akane here changes into a proper uniform!"
"Okay, okay," Ranma said, stepping back into Akane's room.
"I'll put on the stupid dress. Geez, it's not like anyone thinks you're
feminine or nothing...."
"RANMA!"
***
Ranma placed her thumb over the garden hose, spraying
water all over Akane. Akane shrunk, transforming back into a red-
headed girl in a dress, rather than a black-haired guy in a dress.
"I swear," Ranma said, "that old woman never used hot water
before!"
"Well," Akane said, "at least it's more easily fixed. Come on,
we're gonna be late!"
Akane ran down the street that led to their school. Ranma
hopped onto the fence and began ran atop it, shadowing Akane.
Akane slowed down. "If you do that," she said, "people are
going to see your underwear."
Ranma frowned, then hopped back down. "You're the one
that insisted I wear this thing," she said.
"Baka."
"Uncute tomboy."
"That's my line."
"Oh, yeah. Um... hentai."
"Much better," Akane said. "Now hurry up!"
***
The room was empty when Ranma entered, quiet save for a
persistent drip echoing from the showers. She moved quickly
between rows of lockers until she found the one marked 'Akane'.
This she yanked open.
Inside were two gym suits, a swimsuit, shoes, socks, and
underwear. Some makeup sat on a shelf. Inside the door was a
mirror and a picture of a certain black pig.
Ranma frowned. In the mirror, Akane frowned back. Ranma,
never happy to see Akane frown, tried to smile. For some reason,
it held none of the cuteness inherent in Akane's own smile.
Voices echoed off concrete and tile as girls began to stream
in. Remembering why she'd arrived so early, Ranma undressed as
fast as she could.
Several girls rounded the corner. They stopped and stared at
Ranma.
"Akane? What's with the boxers?"
"Aren't those Ranma's?"
"Eeew, Akane, that's weird!"
"Um," Ranma said. "Um... I guess I grabbed the wrong
underwear this morning...?"
"Huh?"
"Why would Ranma's underwear be in your room?"
"Don't tell me you two are sleeping together!"
"What? Of course not!" Ranma said, her cheeks flushing red.
"Don't be stupid!"
"Well, it just seems weird...."
More girls entered the locker room, and those already there
were quickly becoming naked. Ranma spun to face her locker,
ignoring those around her. She pulled the swimsuit on quickly and
ran for the exit.
Akane walked through the front door, nearly colliding with
Ranma. Her eyes went wide.
"Ranma? What are you doing in here? You pervert!"
As one, the girls in the room turned. Seeing Akane, they
began screaming, covering up, and throwing things at her.
"Ranma you pervert!" one screamed.
"What are you trying to do? This is the girls locker room, you
idiot!" another yelled.
"Wait!" Akane yelled. Water buckets, bars of soap, and other
objects bounced off of her. Cursing, Ranma grabbed Akane's arm
and yanked her out into the hallway.
"What the heck are ya doing, Akane?" she said. "Don't you
remember who you are right now?"
Akane's friend Sayuri poked her head out the door. "Akane,
keep your hentai fiancée under control, got it?"
Akane was nearly in tears. "I... I didn't remember, I... I just
wanted to change for p.e. ...."
"You have to use the bathroom in the nurse's office," Ranma
said.
"Yeah," Akane said, rubbing her head. "Um... where's your
swimsuit, then?"
"In my locker."
Akane glanced across the hall at the entrance to the boy's
locker. "I'm not going in there," she said. "Especially like this."
Ranma sighed. "Just a second, okay?"
She walked over and pounded on the door, then threw it open.
Boys, in various states of undress, glanced up.
"HEY DAISUKE!" Ranma yelled. "BRING RANMA HER
SWIMSUIT, GOT IT? RIGHT NOW!!!"
Five minutes later, now wearing Ranma's swimsuit, Akane
left the nurse's office. Ranma waited for her.
"So," Akane said, "you dressed in the girl's locker room."
"Well?" Ranma said, his face growing hot. "What did you
expect? It's not like I had a choice, you know!"
"You hentai! Why not tell the coach you're sick?"
"I did."
"And?"
"Um..." Ranma looked away, embarrassed. "The coach said...
that I didn't look sick, and that... um, that it... it wasn't my time of
the month...."
Akane's face flushed red, and she looked away.
"Baka!" she said, softly. "I want my body back!"
"You're not the only one," Ranma said. "As soon as school's
out, we're going to see the ghoul."
***
Nabiki, Kyoko, and Midori sat by the side of the pool, talking
in quiet tones.
"We could switch with a teacher," Kyoko said. "Then you
could alter grades as you like."
"That's kind of risky," Midori said. "You run a good chance
of getting caught."
"Well, okay," Kyoko said. "How about this? You charge
people to take their tests for them. A simple switch, and an hour
later you've got a perfect A. I mean, any of us could ace a test for
one of the lower grades."
"That's a good idea," Midori said. "That might work."
"I don't want people to know how it's done," Nabiki replied.
"That's easy enough," Midori said. "You pile on lots of
mystic mumbo jumbo to hide the truth. Runic symbols on the
floor, chanting by the light of the moon, candles and incense, that
sort of thing."
"Sounds good," Kyoko said. "You know, the real trick would
be passing college entrance exams. If we could find a couple of
genius college students to work with, we could make a bundle real
quick."
"No kidding," Midori said. "That's brilliant, Kyoko,
absolutely brilliant!"
You know," Kyoko said, "something like this provides
effective immortality, if you abuse it."
"No," Nabiki said. "I don't want to abuse it. All I want is to
have some fun and make some money. Most of all, I want to keep
it secret. I don't want to expose ourselves more than is necessary."
"Did Kuno make the deposit?" Midori asked. "We'll need to
pay everyone at lunch, you know."
"Don't worry," Nabiki said. "The money's in the bank. I
checked."
"The pictures will be developed by tonight," Kyoko said. "We
can sell them tomorrow."
Nabiki nodded, frowning.
"What's wrong, Nabiki?" Midori asked. "Everything's turned
out well, but you're not satisfied. Something's eating at you, I can
tell. Is it the kiss with Kuno?"
Nabiki made a face. "No," she said, "it's something else.
We've got a problem, girls; that Amazon woman is on to me.
We're going to have to be careful."
"Shampoo's grandmother?" Midori asked. "Wow, Nabiki,
you're talking about a dangerous woman there. What are you
going to do about it?"
"I don't know," Nabiki said.
"Maybe that selective memory loss technique?" Kyoko
suggested.
"Do you know how to do that?" Midori replied. "Do you
know someone who could nail her with it?"
"Well, no...."
"We have to act fast," Nabiki said. "Ranma and Akane will
go to see her eventually. Probably this afternoon, in fact. Then
they'll know, and our game will be exposed."
The other two stared at Nabiki, eyes growing wide.
"What are we going to do?" Kyoko asked.
"Start thinking," Nabiki said. "We still have the brooch. By
the time school ends, we need to have a plan as well."
***
Ranma dove into the pool and swam to the opposite side.
Akane perched there, at the edge of the pool, along with several
other girls.
"Akane," one of the girls exclaimed. "When did you learn to
swim?"
"Wow, Akane! That was really good!"
"Have you been practicing in secret?"
Large sweatdrops appeared on Ranma and Akane's heads.
"I... um..." Ranma said, "...yeah, that's it. I've, ah, been
practicing...."
"Baka," Akane said.
Ranma flashed her a wicked smile. "Come on in, Ranma,"
she said. "I'll race you to the other side!"
"No thanks," Akane replied, glowering.
Ranma dove down to the bottom, and then resurfaced with a
splash.
"That's great, Akane! I'm impressed!"
"Thanks!" Ranma said. "I think I'm getting good at it!"
Akane rolled her eyes. "Good at what?" Akane retorted. "All
you did was dive down and come back up!"
"Yeah," Ranma said, "but until last week, I was an absolute
cow in the water."
The girls stifled their laughter.
"Come on, Akane," one said, "you weren't that bad."
"Yeah, you're being too hard on yourself."
"No I'm not," Ranma said. "I was a rock. A lead weight. An
anchor. A...."
"We get the picture," Akane growled. Steam appeared to rise
from her body.
Ranma smiled. "I'm just saying I'm much better at it now!"
As if to demonstrate, she backstroked out several feet, then swam
back.
"Big deal, Akane," Akane said. "If you remember any of this
by next week, then I'll be surprised."
Ranma had no reply to this. If she remembered this next
week, she'd still be in Akane's body.
"Stop picking on her, Ranma," Akane's friend Sayuri said.
"She really is doing better!"
"Yeah, grow up, why don't you?" Yuka added. "You're such a
jerk sometimes!"
Akane looked at her friends in surprise, then lowered her
eyes. She glared at Ranma again.
Ranma only laughed and disappeared beneath the water.
***
Soun and Genma sat hunched over the family table, sorting
through the massive pile of shredded paper that had once been a
book of ancient Chinese secrets. Birds chirped in the yard out
back, greeting the morning sun as it emerged from behind a cloud.
The phone rang.
"Kasumi? Have you got that?" Soun called out.
"She's hanging laundry out back," Genma said.
Grumbling, Soun got up to answer the phone.
"Hello, Tendo-san?" a voice said. "This is Tofu-Sensei. I
finally remembered something last night that I think you should
know...."
As Soun listened to the doctor speak he toyed with the scrap
of paper in his hand. Suddenly he held it up and stared at it. It
was half of a picture of a pewter brooch, carved in the likeness of a
grinning monkey.
"Funny you should mention that, Tofu-Sensei," he said.
"Father," Kasumi said, coming around the corner. "I was
doing the wash, and I found this piece of paper in the pocket of
Nabiki's jeans." She held up a damp scrap. Soun took it and lined
it up next to his.
It was a perfect match. Now he could see the entire brooch.
"It looks just like an odd brooch I found in the dirt last week,"
Kasumi said. "At first I didn't think much of it, but...."
There was a knock at the door. Kasumi opened it. On the
porch, balancing on her staff, was the Amazon matriarch, Cologne.
"Soun Tendo," she said, "we need to talk."
***
"Honestly, you're an even bigger jerk in my body," Akane said
over lunch.
She opened her bento box, and her face fell. Leftovers.
Great. In three days, Ranma had cooked enough food to last a
week.
"That's not what I call it," Ranma said, stuffing her face. "I
call it retribution."
Akane pulled out her chopsticks and began to pick at her
meal. "Retribution? What the heck do you mean by that?"
"Airen!" a familiar voice called out. The tinkle of a bicycle
bell mixed with sounds of screaming, shouting, and things crashing
and breaking.
"Your girlfriend's here," Ranma said casually.
"My girlfriend?" Akane said. "What do you mean, my
girlfriend?"
A purple-haired girl latched onto Akane. "Ranma!" she
exclaimed. "Shampoo so happy to see you! You eat ramen I make
for you, yes?"
"Oh, no you don't!" another voice called out. "Ranchan's
going to eat the okonomiyaki that I made for him!"
"That would be your other girlfriend," Ranma said.
"They're not my girlfriends, you pervert!" Akane yelled.
Ranma watched Akane struggle with Shampoo. "Like I said.
Retribution."
Ukyo planted herself in front of their table. "Hands off,
Shampoo! Ranchan's MY fiancée!"
"Shampoo!" Akane growled, prying the Amazon loose. "Get
OFF of me!"
Shampoo suddenly let go. She stepped back, looking from
Akane to Ukyo.
"Okay," she said. "Shampoo see now. Ranma really want
Ukyo as bride, Shampoo no stand in way." She turned and
grabbed Ranma's hand. "Akane come with Shampoo," she said.
"Leave two love birds alone."
Akane, Ranma, and Ukyo stared at Shampoo in shock. Ukyo
was the first to react.
"Ranma Honey!" she exclaimed, wrapping her arms about
Akane. "Did you hear that? Shampoo approves of us as a couple!"
"Now wait a second!" Akane exclaimed, but Shampoo was
already dragging Ranma away from the table.
"You want ramen?" Shampoo asked, as she led Ranma to
another table. "Is house special. Shampoo bring pork buns too!"
Ranma's eyes got big. "Well, why didn't you say so?" she
said. She sat down and began stuffing her face.
"Ranma, you like?" Shampoo asked.
"They're the best!" Ranma replied, mouth full.
"Why you in Akane's body?"
Ranma paused, sensing a trap. "I'm not in Akane's body," she
said. "I mean... um... I AM Akane, of course! I'm not Ranma at
all!" She glowered across the room at Akane, being hand-fed by
Ukyo despite her protests, and growled, "That stupid Ranma! I'm
gonna pound him into the ground for no apparent reason!"
Shampoo smiled. "Always you is bad actor, Ranma," she
said. "You is fool Mousse and Ryoga, but you is no fool
Shampoo."
"What do you mean?" Ranma asked. "I sound just like
Akane! Which is me! Akane! That's who I am, all right! Do I
look like Ranma to you? With these wide hips and this flat chest?
Of course not!"
A pair of shadows fell across the table. Cologne and Kasumi
waited patiently for Ranma to finish.
"Hello, Ranma," Kasumi said pleasantly. "How's school so
far?"
"Son-In-Law," Cologne said. "You do not, at the moment,
make an ideal husband for my grand-daughter. Would you like
your old body back?"
***
It was a busy day for Nabiki. She sat in the center of the
lunch room, flanked by her two co-conspirators, while half the
school lined up before her. A large black binder lay open on the
table, next to a hand calculator and a checkbook.
"Name?" Nabiki asked.
"Kyosuke."
Nabiki eyed the boy at the front of the line, then flipped
through the binder. "twenty thousand yen, is it? Okay, then." She
wrote a check, then handed it to the boy.
"How do I know this is good?" he said. "I've heard rumors of
how much you've lost. They say you can't cover all the bets!"
"I can cover them," Nabiki said, her voice laced with steel.
"My checks are good. Now move out of the way, we don't have all
day here. Next? HEY, NO SHOVING! YOU'LL ALL GET
YOUR MONEY SOON ENOUGH!"
A girl stepped up. "Name?" Nabiki asked.
"You know who I am, Nabiki," the girl said.
"NAME?" Nabiki repeated.
"Uh... Sayuri."
"Let's see... Sayuri...." Nabiki searched the book. "Ah. Only
5,000? Big spender!"
"It's all I had," Sayuri said, defensively. She took her check
and left.
"Next? Name?" Nabiki asked.
"Ono, Tofu."
"Tofu... Tofu...." Nabiki flipped through her binder. "Tofu...
Tofu... I don't seem to have you down for a bet...."
Nabiki paused. She looked up. Dr. Tofu Ono regarded her
calmly, his gaze never wavering.
"Tofu-Sensei?" she said, smiling sweetly. "How may I help
you?"
Dr. Tofu smiled back.
"Nabiki," he said, "do you remember that Monkey Head-
Butting technique which Ranma and Akane asked me about?
Well, I finally remembered how it worked. It's not really a
technique at all; it involves a special magical amulet, a brooch in
the shape of a monkey's head."
Nabiki's gaze also didn't waver. "Yes?" she said. "That's very
interesting, Tofu-Sensei, but what does it have to do with me? I'm
very busy at the moment...."
Nabiki realized, suddenly, that Kyoko and Midori no longer
stood to either side of her. Instead, she had Ranma, Shampoo, and
Genma to her left, and Akane, Ukyo, Cologne, and her own father
to her right. Tears flowed down her father's face. Kasumi was
also there, standing a ways off.
"Daddy?" she asked. "Mr. Saotome? What are all of you
doing here?"
"Nabiki!" Akane growled. "You knew all along, didn't you?
My own sister!"
"Nabiki!" her father cried. "How could you do this to your
own family?"
"The brooch, please," Cologne said.
"You have it, don't you?" Ranma said, cracking her knuckles.
"Moi? Surely you don't think I'd hide it from you?"
"Depends on the money involved," replied Ranma. She
stepped forward. "How about I bump heads with you and find
out?"
"Please," Nabiki said, "that won't be necessary...."
"Yes it will!" Ranma yelled. She lunged forward, banging
heads with the middle Tendo sister.
Nabiki's world spun about. For the second time in twenty-
four hours, she found herself in the body of her younger sister.
"Ha! I thought so!" Ranma, now in Nabiki's body, exclaimed.
She stood up, knocking over Nabiki's books and records in the
process. "Akane! Heads up!" she yelled, leaping head-first at her
own body.
"What are you doing?" Nabiki yelled. "Stop that!" She tried
to jump forward, but was grabbed by Shampoo and Genma.
Ranma and Akane's heads collided. They stumbled back,
then glanced down at themselves.
"Awesome!" Ranma yelled. "I'm finally back in my own body
again! Although," she added, " I'm still wearing a dress...."
Akane, in her sister's body now, glared at Nabiki, then
smirked. "She ought to be punished," Akane said. "Maybe we
could leave her in my body. Let her be the one engaged to Ranma
for a while!"
"Very funny," Nabiki replied, "but I doubt you want to keep
my body over your own. You've had your fun; now give me my
body back."
"Not so fast," Akane said, digging through Nabiki's pockets.
"Hold her. I want to find that brooch." She upended Nabiki's book
bag on the table and sorted through the contents.
"Hey, what's this? Film?" Akane glanced up. "Who you
selling cheese shots of now, Nabiki?"
"They're pictures of floral arrangements," Nabiki said,
"nothing more."
"Ha! A likely story! Then you won't mind if I destroy them,
will you?"
"Leave them alone!" Nabiki yelled.
"Hey, what's this? Hmmm, personal ledger." Akane scanned
the figures, then glanced up. "Took quite a hit at the big fight,
didn't you?" She glanced down again, and paused. "What's this
about Kuno?" Akane's eyes went wide. "Kamisama! He paid you
how much? Nabiki, what on earth did you do for Kuno? Wait, I
don't want to know. For that kind of money, I don't even want to
think about it."
"Hey, check this out!" Ranma said. She was flipping through
a small black book that had spilled onto the table. "It's a book on
everyone she's blackmailing! Wow! Students, teachers, principal,
parents, relatives, neighbors... oh, come on, Nabiki, you can't be
blackmailing all of these people!"
"Let me see that," Akane said. She glanced through the book.
"Oh, see these pencil marks, near most of the names? That must
mean potential blackmail. Boy, Sis, you sure got dirt on some
powerful people here, don't you? Just in case, huh?" She glanced
up and smiled wickedly. "What would these people think if they
found out what's in this book?"
Nabiki rolled her eyes disdainfully. "If you want to, go right
ahead," she said. "It will cause me a few problems, I admit, but
that's all. I know you're mad at me, Akane, but there's no sense in
being vindictive. It's not in your nature. Nothing you say or do is
going to hurt me in the end, so you might as well forget all of your
petty schemes to 'punish' me."
"Says you," Akane replied. She leaped onto the table and
called out to the entire lunchroom, "Listen up, everyone! I, Nabiki
Tendo, swear upon my mother's grave to buy everyone's lunch
tomorrow! EVERYONE! Consider it my gift to you!!"
"Does that include take-out?" someone yelled.
"You got it!" Akane yelled back.
Nabiki's eyes went wide. "You can't do that!" she yelled.
Around her, the cafeteria erupted into loud cheering.
"Hey," Akane said, "it's my money, right? I can do whatever I
want with it! In fact, Ranma, I declare all your debts to me null
and void! Let's start with a clean slate, shall we?"
"Sure thing, Nabiki!" Ranma said.
"Oh, ha ha, very funny," Nabiki said.
"Enough of this," Cologne said. "Where is the brooch?"
"Right here," Akane said. She pulled it out of a pocket and
held it up. "Kind of ugly, isn't it?" She studied the odd piece of
pewter with the grinning' monkey's face. "Then again, if it gets me
back into my own body, who cares?" She leapt down from the
table and glared at Nabiki one last time.
"Heads up, Sis," she said, snapping her head forward.
***
Akane checked her body over, as if to make certain all of the
parts were in place. "I can't believe it's finally over," she said.
"Sez you," Ranma growled. "I'm still wearing a dress, in case
you didn't notice. It'll be over when I get home and can be myself
again."
Cologne held the brooch, while Dr. Tofu and Genma held
Nabiki. Soun, still weeping, stood with Akane and Ranma, while
Kasumi, Shampoo, and Ukyo stood a ways off. The lunch room
had emptied as students headed back to class, and only a few
remained to watch.
"The Monkey Head-Butting brooch," Cologne said. "To
think, after all of this time, it finally reappears. I'm almost certain
it was stolen by Happosai, but no matter. What was once ours
becomes ours again."
"Fine by me if you take that thing," Ranma said. "I wouldn't
be caught dead with it on me. It's an accident waiting to happen."
"You are quite correct," Cologne said. "This is a powerful
magical talisman, and can be very dangerous in the hands of the
unwary."
"How nice!" Kasumi said. "Everyone's back in their own
bodies, finally! All's well that ends well, wouldn't you agree,
Nabiki?"
"Whatever," Nabiki said. "If you don't release me, I'm going
to be late for class."
"Nabiki!" Soun wailed. "Please forgive your father! I only
want what's best for you!"
"My only concern," Cologne said, "is that you learn your
lesson, Miss Tendo. This time you went too far. You used magic
to alter people's lives, something far beyond your usual
blackmailing and manipulations. You hurt your own kin in the
process. Would you have enjoyed being stuck in Ranma's body,
perhaps forever? Ranma and Akane had no way of knowing this
was temporary. What if you'd lost the brooch? Then it would have
been forever. And your actions do not affect just the two of them,
but everyone who associates with them. I think you owe an
apology to Ranma and Akane, at the very least."
Nabiki's shoulders finally slumped, and she stared down at the
floor. "I... I'm sorry," she said in a quiet voice. "I'm sorry, Ranma,
Akane. I was going to switch you back, eventually, I... I guess I
got a little carried away. Please, forgive me, if you can."
"That's okay, Sis," Akane said. "I forgive you."
She elbowed Ranma.
"Ah, I forgive ya, Nabiki," he managed. "I mean, you've
helped me out enough times... even if you always charge me...."
"Very well," Cologne said. "Now all that remains is to put
this brooch away someplace safe...."
Kasumi stepped forward, putting her hands around Nabiki.
"Oh, Sis, I'm so proud of you! I know how difficult that was for
you to say. I forgive you too! Let's let bygones be bygones!"
Kasumi was now standing right in front of Doctor Tofu. The
good Doctor, who had been working very hard to control himself,
suddenly lost it. His glasses fogged over instantly. He let go of
Nabiki and stumbled forward. "K-K-Kasumi!" he exclaimed.
"How strange that we should meet like this!"
"Shimatta!" Ranma cursed.
Nabiki, Genma, and Kasumi were knocked back. "Look out,
you fool!" Cologne yelled, before Nabiki stumbled into her.
`
"Ow! Excuse me!" Nabiki said. She twisted, trying to keep
from falling, and collided with Shampoo. The two girls fell to the
ground, with Nabiki on top.
"I said careful!" Cologne cried out. "Now you've done it!"
Nabiki sat up, then looked down at herself. "Aiya!" she
exclaimed. "What you do to me, Nabiki Tendo?"
"Oh, great," Shampoo said. "I'm a Chinese Amazon bimbo."
It took the others a moment to realize what had happened.
The brooch was no longer in Cologne's hand, but hooked onto the
front of Nabiki's shirt. The rest was obvious.
"Now, be careful," Cologne said. "That thing can be
dangerous...."
Shampoo grabbed the brooch. "Here," Nabiki said, "give me
that." Shampoo jerked her hand back, and the brooch sailed across
the cafeteria.
"Don't lose it!" Cologne cried out. Several started after it,
when a small man in a dark red gi leapt through an open window.
On his back was a massive sack, from which dangled various items
of lingerie.
"Eh? What's this?" Happosai said, looking up. The brooch
landed neatly in his hand.
"Hey, what do you know?" he said. "I recognize this! It's the
monkey brooch! This is the device that allows for the Monkey
Head-Butting technique!"
Happosai glanced up and saw the others. In a flash , he
pinned the brooch to his vest and bounded across the cafeteria.
"Akane!" he exclaimed. "Bump heads with me!"
"Not on your life!" Akane yelled. She met Happosai mid-air
with a perfect block, knocking the diminutive master aside.
Happosai crashed into Doctor Tofu. The brooch again went
flying.
"Stop it!" Cologne yelled. "Grab it, somebody!"
Seemingly from nowhere, Tatewaki Kuno appeared, bokken
raised. He ran towards them. Falling, the brooch snagged his
sleeve and stayed there.
"Pig-tailed girl!" Kuno said. "Date with me again!"
"NO! Keep away from me!" Ranma yelled. She placed a
solid kick under Kuno's chin, and the kendoist was launched
through the roof.
"Oh man, that was scary," Ranma said, then paused. "Again?
What did he mean by again?"
The brooch fell onto Ranma's arm. She stared at it in horror.
"Aaaaigh! Get it off me! Get it off me!"
Nabiki, in Shampoo's body, stepped forward. "Here, Ranma-
kun, I'll take that off your hands," she said. Then, suddenly, a
Chinese boy wearing thick glasses and a white robe glomped onto
her.
"Shampoo! I love you!" Mousse said.
"I'm not Shampoo, you moron!"
"Ranma! Prepare to die!" a third voice called out. Ranma
spun, to see Ryoga flying through the air head-first at her.
"Oh man! Not now, you idiot!" Ranma dodged in
desperation. Nabiki lunged forward, snatching the brooch from
her arm. Ryoga plowed into Nabiki, and they both went sprawling.
The brooch flew at Akane, who dodged it as if it were toxic.
It landed in Cologne's hands.
Nabiki, now in Ryoga's body, looked pissed. "Great," he said.
"First a bimbo, now the eternally lost pig-boy. Wonderful. Just
peachy."
Ryoga, now in Shampoo's body, glanced down at herself in
horror. "Aaaigh! What's happened?" she cried out. "Ranma, this
is all your fault!"
Cologne look at the brooch in wonder. "Do you see?" she
said. "I warned you, a device of this power can cause great
harm...."
At precisely that moment, satellite Kuno fell from orbit,
proving that what goes up must come down, and often on
someone's head. Kuno collided with Cologne, and, for a split
second, balanced precariously atop her, on his head, like some sort
of bizaare circus act. Then he fell sideways to the ground,
unconscious.
Cologne -- or could it really be Kuno? -- blinked, looking
confused. The brooch was lifted easily from her hands.
Mousse held the brooch, a foolish grin on his face. "At last!"
he said, "A way to defeat Ranma! Once I take Ranma's body,
Shampoo is mine! Ranma! Prepare to face the depths of hell!"
"Oh, man!" Ranma said, jumping back. However, Mousse
launched himself head-first not at Ranma, but at the wall. There
was a loud crack, and he fell to the floor, unconscious. The brooch
fell from his hand.
"I've got it!" Genma yelled.
"No, I've got it!" Ukyo yelled.
"Wait, I've got it!" Soun yelled.
"No! It's mine!" Nabiki yelled.
"Give me that!" Shampoo yelled.
More heads collided. Ranma and Akane couldn't keep track
of them all.
With a Herculean effort, Kuno appeared to shove the
knowledge that she was in Cologne's body completely from her
mind. She gazed lovingly at Ranma. "Kiss me once again, pig-
tailed girl!" she yelled, leaping directly at Ranma.
"GAAAH!" Ranma yelled, dodging yet again.
Behind her came a peal of maniacal laughter. "Oh no.
Kodachi Kuno," she said.
This was followed by the deep, rolling laughter of her equally
mad father, Principal Kuno. "De kahuna have de special buzz-cut
for de keike dat are late for class, yeah?"
Behind that he heard a cry of "Oh, you naughty, delinquent
children! Why aren't you in class?"
"Oh, man," said Ranma, "I am outta here!"
"Right behind you, Ranma!" Akane said. The two ran for an
exit. They ran down a school hallway, came to an intersection,
and paused.
The hallways were quiet. Akane and Ranma stood there,
looking at each other.
"Hey, you two! No running in the halls!" a passing teacher
called out.
"Sorry, sir!" the two replied.
They headed to their homeroom. Their shoes click-clacked
on the linoleum, the sound echoing down the hallway. Lunch was
over, students were in class, and the teachers had begun their
lectures. The school day continued at it's usual pace.
"We're late for class," Ranma said.
Akane replied, "Aren't we always?"
***
Back in the cafeteria, the confusion was growing....
"What have you done to my body?"
"Your body? What about mine!"
"Sweeto! What a set of knockers!"
"Stop that! That's my body you're in!"
"Somebody tell me what's going on!"
"Oh, my," Kasumi said. She stood at a safe distance, trying to
figure out who was who. "Oh, what a mess! How will we ever
sort it out? Oh, my! Oh, my!!"
***
END PART NINE
***
EPILOGUE
***
It was afternoon in Nerima. In a small Chinese restaurant,
business was booming. An old and very short woman with long
white hair was manning the kitchen and taking orders. A Japanese
girl with short black hair who wore a silk Chinese outfit was
waitressing out front, while an old and very short man did the
dishes in back. From the ceiling hung a cage, in which lay a duck,
looking very pissed off.
"Great Grandmother," the girl asked, "when Shampoo get own
body back?"
"As soon as we track Happosai down," Cologne said, "we'll
get all four of you back into your proper bodies."
"Why do I gotta be involved in this?" the short old man
complained.
"Because it's convenient," Cologne replied. "I do not trust the
Tendo woman to behave herself, and she's the one that caused all
of this, so I'm not letting her out of my sight until it's over. She
gets your body because I can hold her easily that way. I need a
waitress, and Shampoo would prefer to be female, so she gets the
Tendo girl's body. You get what's left over. Deal with it, Mousse,
it's only temporary."
Overhead, the duck began squawking. Cologne banged the
cage with her staff. "Keep quiet!" she warned. "Or do you want to
become Peking Duck?"
In the back, the old man paused to stare at his hands. "I
wonder," he said to himself. "If I remember correctly, Happosai is
incredibly quick, and has enormous chi... enough to defeat Ranma
Saotome, in fact...."
The old man chuckled evilly.
***
At Furinkan High, a very long school day was drawing to a
close.
Returning from the restroom, Ranma took a seat next to
Akane. She was aware that more than a few sets of eyes in the
classroom followed her every movement, and it gave her the
creeps. What was up with those guys, anyway?
"Baka," Akane said softly.
"What'd I do now?" Ranma whispered back.
"Don't you know how to sit while wearing a dress? You're
going to get it all wrinkled!"
Ranma sighed, stood, and smoothed her dress out before
sitting again.
"By the way," Ranma said, "I couldn't help noticing that my...
um... underwear... had... um... pink teddy bears on it."
Akane's face flushed red.
"Hey," she growled, "I'm not exactly thrilled to be wearing
boxer shorts under this dress!"
Ranma fidgeted a moment. "We could... um, you know...
switch...."
"Baka! Keep your voice down!"
Ranma's two best friends -- if any of his classmates could be
called friends -- approached.
"Hey, Hiroshi, hey, Daisuke," Ranma said. "How's it going?"
"Hey Ranma," Daisuke said. "We were wondering about...
you know...."
"What he means," Hiroshi said, "is that we'd like to take you
on another date."
"A... date?" Ranma asked, dumbfounded.
"Sure," Daisuke said. "How about tomorrow night?"
"You could wear that blue dress again," Hiroshi said.
"Another date?" Ranma said, slow to react. "What do you
mean by that?"
"Well, we had so much fun last week," Daisuke said.
"Yeah, Ranma," Hiroshi said. "We're glad you've decided to
show your feminine side. We just want to help."
Daisuke nodded. "We're behind you all the way on this
Ranma."
"What the heck are you two babbling about?" Ranma
growled, becoming angry.
From across the room, a voice called out, "Pig-tailed girl!
Akane Tendo!" Daisuke and Hiroshi took one look and fled.
Moments later, Tatewaki Kuno landed on one knee at the feet of
his two loves, a bouquet of red roses held out to each.
"Kuno!" Akane said. "You're yourself again!"
"Thank the gods," Ranma added. "The world's not ready for a
Kuno/Cologne combination."
"Oh fair red-haired one!" Kuno exclaimed. "Now that my
date with the equally fair Akane is accomplished, I must plan our
second date! Perhaps, this time, you will allow me to date the both
of you at once? Say yes and it will be so!"
"What?" Ranma and Akane both yelled. As one, they grabbed
Kuno by the collar, lifted him, and tossed him out an open
window.
"What was that idiot yammering about?" Ranma said. She
glanced accusingly at Akane. "He said he'd been on a date with
you!"
Akane, face red, retorted, "You know I haven't. Besides, he
said the same thing about you!"
"Second date?" Ranma echoed. "Second date? He keeps
saying that! I haven't been dating nobody! Why is everyone acting
so weird all of a sudden?"
"Oh," Akane said, placing a hand to her mouth. She sat down
again, hard. "Oh, I just remembered, those pictures of Kasumi and
Kuno... oh god, she wouldn't... she couldn't... she didn't.... Oh.
My. God. She did!"
"Care to clue me in?" Ranma asked.
Akane's eyes grew wide with horror. "Kuno's not crazy," she
said. "He's dated both of us in the last week."
Ranma's eyes grew equally wide, then suddenly narrowed.
"Nabiki," he growled.
Akane nodded. "I'm gonna KILL her!"
"Not if I get to her first!"
A girl who did not have long, purple hair came flying through
the same window that Kuno had just flown out of. She rode a
bicycle, and in one hand she carried a take-out box.
The girl, who looked every bit like Nabiki in Chinese clothes,
leapt to Ranma's desk, allowing her bike to collide with the
chalkboard.
"Airen!" she exclaimed. "Shampoo bring special ramen for
you! Replace ramen what was destroyed at lunch!"
She set her delivery box on Ranma's desk.
"Still looking for Happosai?" Akane asked.
"What you think, Akane Tendo?" Shampoo said. "This look
like Shampoo body to you? Great Grandmother fix everything, but
not find pervert in Shampoo's body." A dark look passed over her
face. "When Shampoo find, Shampoo kill!!"
The not-very-Chinese girl turned to Ranma. "Ranma? Why
you still dress like girl? You like girl-clothes now?"
Ranma placed her head in her hands. "Please," she said to no
one in particular, "please let this day end!"
***
Somewhere in Nerima, a girl with purple hair was perched on
a third-story balcony, quickly stuffing lingerie into a large bag.
She paused to examine a particularly fine silk and lace brassiere.
"Sweeto!" she exclaimed, then glanced down at herself. "If
I'm any judge of size, and I am this should be a perfect fit!"
FINI
Remember, if the world hands you lemons, fight back! Write
something different!
Enjoy! And if you don't, write me anyway!
M.A. Davis aka "Miko" August 26, 1998
belldandy@angelic.com
http://listen.to/bell/
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